


Speechless

by bg84



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Abandonment, Drama, F/M, Fluff, Hurt, Love, Nurse - Freeform, Sex, Sexual Content, Tour, Twins, Unexpected Pregnancy, but louis becomes amazing, louis is an ass, love fest, one direction - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-11
Updated: 2015-05-24
Packaged: 2018-03-07 02:24:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 63,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3157640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bg84/pseuds/bg84
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All she wanted was a job a little less ordinary. That’s when a position as a Tour Nurse became available. She took it a ran.</p>
<p> <br/>Then she met Louis.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He took her heart and left her utterly, and unequivocally speechless.</p>
<p>He broke her heart and left her damaged...and pregnant.</p>
<p> <br/>Three years down the road...He wants her and the life he gave up all back.</p>
<p>And she just might be willing to try.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The day my babies were born I had never felt so alone. Never felt like such a failure. As a mother, or as a human being. Maybe it wasn’t so much alone, as it was abandoned. Yes.

**Abandoned.**

I remember the nurses yelling at me:

“Brandi, another is coming- PUSH!”

The pain was unreal. I felt my thighs shaking, my back cramping, and a 6000lb weight pressing against my ass.

“Jesus Christ! Just pull it out already! Cut me open! I don’t want to do this! I can’t!” I panted and died a little inside.

“Baby, you can do this. Just breathe; Relax.” Johanna, the grandmother to my children, stood beside me, brushing my hair off my face. My mother, Sandy, was standing on the opposite side, gently stroking my arm.

“See, this is what happens when you trip and fall, and land on boys. Repeatedly. Extremely fertile boys…”

“Mom! Shut up!”

“Brandi! I need to you push as hard as you can with the next contraction! I see the head! One good push and he is out!” Dr. Lin smiled at me, encouragingly.

“Oh! For the love of all that is holy! Just let me die! I can’t do this! I CAN’T do this! Wipe that smile off your face you sick, sick bastard!” I screamed at Dr. Lin.

“PUSH!!!”

And I did. I pushed as hard as I could. I felt my insides ripping from me, but with that push, my son was born.

“It’s a Boy! Baby A!”

“Jayce!” I say out of breath.

_Jayce Cole Tomlinson._

His wails were the most beautiful sounds to my ears. Musical almost. The nurse held him up for me to see, but quickly rushed him to the warmer.

“Holy shit. I just had a baby.” I think to myself and fall back on the bed.

“Oh my God!”

“All right Brandi! Round 2! Push Brandi! PUSH!”

Seven minutes later, _Addylee Monroe Tomlinson_ made her debut. Screaming hysterically.

“Well, we know where she got her lungs from,” Johanna laughed, tears running down her face.

The nurse escorted Johanna and my mother to the babies as another nurse closed a curtain around me.

“Now, we must give birth to a placenta…” Dr. Lin smiled.

“You sick, sick man.”

Thirty minutes later, I was holding both of my babies. They were beautiful. My friends and family were flocking in and out of my room, but I was in a complete daze. I was a mom. A single mom. To the two most beautiful babies in the world.

Louis should have been here. He should see what we made, together.

My little sister, Danielle, came up to me, kissed me on the forehead, took the sleeping Jayce out of my arms.

“He favors Louis”

“How can you tell? He’s less than an hour old!”

“He just.. does.”

Johanna was rocking Addylee and laughed, making the sleeping babe jump.

“When I gave birth to Louis I thought he looked like a drowned rat. Then when Lottie came, I thought ‘I just give birth to rats!’ But I loved my rats- Now look at them!”

“So your saying, your grandchildren look like rats, too?” I laughed.

“No. You gave birth to a little prince. And a little princess. And your Mimi loves you very much” She kissed Addylee on the cheek.

I smiled. I did. I really did just give birth to a prince and princess.

But Louis should be here.

**Abandoned.**

_Boy, you left me speechless._


	2. Chapter 2

_Months earlier…_

 

“I am so sick of wiping ass. I don‘t even recognize my patients faces anymore. Just their asses. If I saw them at Wal Mart and they said ‘Hi‘ to me I wouldn‘t even recognize them. I would have to ask to see their ass.” I looked over at Veronica, my nurse coworker and laughed.

 

“Seriously? I thought if bed 224 had one more blow out, I was going to put a rectal tube in, without the Kentucky Jelly.” She smiled, rolling her eyes.

 

“Kentucky Jelly?” I asked.

 

“KY retard.” She shot her glove at me.

 

_Oh yes._ The 24 hour stomach flu was going around, and seemed that everyone, including the nurses, were taking frequent potty breaks, and the patient were wearing on all the nurses nerves.

 

“I cannot believe you are abandoning us.” Julie, the respiratory therapist and my long time best friend pouted.

 

“I am not abandoning you. Just expanding my horizons.”

 

“Why in the world would you want to go on tour with some band, who doesn’t even speak English?” Julie pouted more, having this conversation multiple times had gotten us nowhere.

 

“They do speak English! They are a British band! Well, that’s what the guy on the phone said, and Jenna swears they speak English.”

 

At that point in conversation, Jenna, my other nurse coworker piped in.

 

“Brandi, they do speak English. YouTube them. Have you not listened to the CD at all I got you?” Jenna rolled her eyes and spun in her chair. 

 

“Just because the CD is in English, does not mean…” I started to argue.

 

“Veronica! Patient in 224 is calling! Needs you NOW!” my charge nurse yelled out.

 

“Brandi, please go with me! I can’t be on poop duty alone anymore! I will quit and go with you!” Veronica whined and threw herself dramatically across the nurse’s station desk. I laughed and grudgingly got up to help.

 

Tonight was my last night at the hospital for awhile. It was bittersweet almost. I had a new exciting job waiting for me. I was going to be a tour nurse for a band called One Direction. I knew very little of the band but that was fine. I was told in my phone interview I only had to deal with band very little. I was mostly going to deal with the set up crew and deal with bumps, cuts, bruises, headaches, and the occasional sickly team members.

 

I was absolutely terrified to be honest but I was so ready to get out of Texas that jumping on a plane and flying to the UK sounded like a great idea. Well, for the most part.

 

After work, I said my goodbyes and headed straight home and began the large task of saying goodbye to my little home. I took a bath and got ready for bed. My yellow Labrador, Bella, was in an exceptional good mood, which broke my heart. I was going to miss her terribly. My black and white long-haired cat, Lucy was laying on my pillow, purring. I sighed.

 

“I will miss you guys so much!” I smothered my face in my dog's belly. Bella licked my nose and laid down at the foot of my bed.In the morning, I would take them to my mother’s where they would spend the next few months while I was wandering the globe. I felt like I was abandoning my babies to take this tour nurse position. But I had to get out of town. Out of the state. I was going stir crazy doing the same thing day in and day out. Being a nurse changed my opinion on a lot of things. Saving lives was put on the back burner to medical costs and corporate assholes. The image of being a nurse and being a hero had disappeared. I had to have a change in scenery before I quit nursing altogether. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Morning came too soon.

 

The next thing I knew, I was in the car with my best friend Julie on the way to DFW to leave Dallas and depart to England.

 

“Are you sure this what you want to do Brandi?” Julie looked over at me, her expression begging me to reconsider.

 

“Of course. Why not?” I smiled, a bit sad myself.

 

“You will be gone for months! This band isn’t even touring the United States for months!” Julie tightened her fists on the steering wheel, eyes misting over.

 

“Julie I will call you daily if it makes you feel better. I just need to live a little. Say I did something with my life. Just get away from Dallas ya know? You left home. Why can’t I?” I threw it back in her face, knowing the answer already.

 

“I left home for my job Brandi...” She looked at me briefly, conflicted.

 

“Well so am I.” I retorted back.

 

“I am just going to miss you Brandilew.” She reached over and touched my hand. 

 

“I will miss you too JuJu Bean.” I squeezed her hand tightly.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The flight from Dallas to London was 10 hours. I was exhausted. Being a night nurse, I figured I could handle the time change. But something about sitting in a cramped seat next to some 70 year old man named Rudolf for 10 hours who reeked of mixture body odor, beef jerky and turpentine was gag worthy to say the least.

 

I hailed a cab at the airport and was taken to my hotel, the new company I worked for, Columbia, was paying for.

 

_“Holy shit.”_ I admonished, as I pushed my glasses up a little further on my nose. Getting out to the cab, I paid the driver as he handed me my luggage and stared at the hotel.

 

I quickly walked through the doors to check in and was in awe. This place was huge! The knot I had had in my stomach for weeks was quickly fading. If this is what I could look forward to for months, I was thrilled. I could live in the lap of luxury for awhile.

 

“Can I help you miss?” A young male working behind the desk asked.

 

“Yes, Brandi Miller checking in please.” I grinned, my head exploding from taking in the size of the hotel.

 

“Very good miss. You have several packages waiting for you in your room.” He handed me a room key and called for the bellhop to grab my luggage.

 

I was escorted to my room which was gorgeous. On my bed was a large box. I quickly opened it up only to reveal a MacBook and several charts loaded with individual tour personnel information. A note was taped to the MacBook and read: 

 

_“Brandi-_

_One of your first tasks as tour nurse is to convert all the paper copies of the tour members information to a computer accessed database please. You will also need to meet with the individual staff to update any data that is outdated. You will be meeting with the band members tomorrow at 1000am to do a physical with the tour physician Dr. Geffrey. Please bring your Mac and be prompt. We will send a car to pick you up. Look forward to meeting you._

_Sonia._

 

“Good Lord. There’s like.. 200 people to do crap on!” I panicked I looked at the multiple charts in disarray and the two unopened boxes sitting on the coffee table. 

 

Sighing, I turned on the MacBook. A scenic view popped up on the screen. I laughed to myself at the irony of a vacation being very far off. 

 

The sun was starting to set and the familiar sadness was starting to set in. Had I made a good decision? Leaving Texas to come here alone? _‘Too late now Brandilew...‘_

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

My alarm went off quicker than I expected. I showered and dried my hair. I stood there in the mirror for the longest trying to decide what to do with the long blonde hair. Pony tail? Leave it down? Curl it? _Look professional Brandi!_ Pony tail today. I went with my black frame glasses that bring out my blue-green eyes, opting to once again look professional over using my contacts which just make me look younger than I am. Usually when I wear my contacts, and I tell my patients more than once that I am their nurse, they will ask eventually, “when is my nurse coming in?” Never fails. I don't look old enough to be in the position I am in.

 

I put on jeans and a button down blouse. _I don’t think I am suppose to wear scrubs? Nobody said anything about coming in contact with bodily fluids? Hmm._ I change back into scrubs.

 

The car was waiting for me, and by 0930 I was being escorted Sonia to a back room to meet Dr. Geffrey.

 

Dr. Geffrey was a pleasant man. He was an older man in his middle 60’s with curly white hair wearing a Hawaiian flowered shirt and jeans who worked with Columbia and now Modest! Management. He was a tour doctor who took call at all hours of the day and made lots of money doing so. He sent nurses and medics out with the bands to keep track of them and in return he made big money.

 

“Miss Miller!” He grinned and welcomed me into his office.

 

“Brandi, please.” I smiled politely.

 

“So, my assistant Sonia briefed you on everything. I will do the band member physicals. We do this prior to the large tour just to make sure they are in tip top shape. You will be my eyes and ears on the road. You have my name and number at all times and you can call me whenever the boys get ill or need any meds, I am available to be called and can get the medications for you promptly. The boys job is hard and strenuous on their bodies. They will rarely sleep and exhaustion is something you must keep a weary eye on. None of the boys are sickly, per se, but Harry does have a touch of asthma. He will be your most difficult patient, and your easiest.” He grinned at me but I could tell he was not being at all truthful about the "boys."

 

“Sounds good, Dr. Geffrey.” I nodded.

 

“You are very young Brandi. Are you sure you are old enough to be a RN?” He flipped a paper chart open and peered at me over the rim of his glasses.

 

I laughed. “I get that a lot. But yes. I am. Promise.” I winked for effect. 

 

“Dr. Geffrey, two of the band members are here.” Sonia stepped into the room.

 

“Thank you Sonia! Well lets get started Brandi! Shall we dance?” Dr. Geffrey clapped his hands together.


	3. Chapter 3

Sonia handed me a small pink sheet triple folded: “Niall Horan, Liam Payne?” I questioned.

“Just answer the questions on this history and physical and then you can transfer it later to the computer.” She smiled

“Oh, ok sounds good. Oh! Look it’s in English! Yay!” I laughed, again. Sonia’s eye brows raised.

“Of course it is silly girl. You are in London. We all speak English in England! Dr. Geffrey? You have a call waiting for you from Dr. Russell on line 2.”

“Thank you Sonia. Brandi, just go ahead and get started without me. If you have any questions, just skip those and we come back to those later. This call may take awhile!” He smiled and walked out.

“Awesome.” I wrinkled my nose and frowned. I had a gut feeling he had no intention from the beginning of doing the physicals. He just called the shots.

I put my stethoscope around my neck and walked around the front desk where two guys were sitting. One with blonde hair, and the bluest of eyes, chewing on a nail bed; the other with short but extremly well styled brown hair, talking on a cell phone.

“Horan? Payne!” I called. The two looked up. I smiled.

“Please come with me. Now who is who?”

“I am Niall.” The blonde with blue eyes says with a thick Irish accent, bouncing on his feet.

“Liam.” He grinned and held out his hand to be shaken.

“Yea.. I would butchered that one, Niall.” I grinned.

“Usually everyone does.” He laughs.

“I am Brandi. I am a Registered Nurse. I will be your nurse this tour. I don’t speak your romantic English language, so you talk funny, not me.” I winked as they walked with me to the exam room.

Niall laughs, “Where are you from Brandi? Because you have a funny accent.”

“Texas. It's my southern twang.”

“Tex-ass. We‘ve been there a couple times! Rough Riders baseball! Cowboy stadium!” Liam says.

I looked at Liam funny, interested in how he knew the small stadium. “Close enough. Rough Rider stadium is literally in my backyard. So who wants to go first? It’s quick and painless. Promise.”

“It should be painless right? Your just asking some questions?” Liam looked a tad bit concerned.

“Oh? Yes. And there will be a rectal exam at the end. You know, when you hit a certain age, we have to check the prostate.” I said in all seriousness.

“Rectal exam!” Niall stutters, slowly backing away from me. His cheeks a flaming red.

“Prostate check? What the hell? Why? I thought this was just a pre-tour check up. Not some medieval torture physical.” Liam spits out.

“I have small fingers! See? And I will use the KY jelly liberally. I will be very gentle if this is your first time.” I said with complete seriousness yet with a concerned face.

“No. No. Nein. Nada. Not doing it. I won’t tour. I refuse. Double check the order or whatever. Ask the doctor if our insurance requires this to go on tour!” Niall's flush began to creep to his chest. Panic setting in.

“Ahem… let me double check. Oh! That’s my 11 o’clock! Hah! Just kidding! Silly me! I need new glasses!” I winked and laughed. No sense of humor these two. “First?”

“Niall!” Liam pushed the blonde boy forward.

“No you, Liam!” Niall stepped back, heading towards the door.

“No.. You!” Liam pushed him back to get to the door.

“You lived a longer, happier life!” Niall put his arm in front of Liam, pushing Liam back.

“I’m older and wiser. You go.” Liam turned Niall around and pointed him towards the exam table.

“Damnit.” Niall ran his fingers threw his hair, scared, and puffed out a wary breath. 

“Let’s go Horan!” I smiled and led him into the little office.

“Stand on the scales, please sir.” I grinned, biting my tongue so I didn't laugh at the hilarity of the situation.

“Your not really sticking your fingers up me arse are you?” Fear was apparent on his face. I laughed.

“Depends on how well you participate my dear.” I clucked my tongue writing down the results. 

“I will do everything you ask. Just don’t come near me brown eye.” Niall was completely flustered and concerned.

“OK.. Deal.” I laughed. 

Getting Niall’s history and physical was quick and painless as promised. He was quite funny, and never missed a chance to throw in a quick quirk here and there.

‘Ok Mr. Horan. I am done! Any questions?” I placed my papers down and gave him my full attention.

“What are you doing tomorrow night?” An evil gleam appeared in his eye.

“What?” My face dropped. Confusion kicked in.

“Just curious? I know as soon as Harry gets in here, he will be on you like white on rice.” This was stated as a fact.

“I don’t understand.” I wrinkled my brow.

“Harry is our resident lady killer. Once he sees you are our tour nurse, he will pretty much be tormenting you from day one.” Niall grinned, but the sincerity in voice was clear.

“Ahh. Well good thing I brought my stun gun huh?” I laughed

“Seriously. If you tell him you have already hooked up with me, he will back off.” Niall didn't miss a beat. 

“I have learned that if a man wants something bad enough, he will pretty much do all that he can do get it.” I threw back at him.

“Hey! So you have met Harry!” Niall laughed.

“Go. Now. NO! Wait! Do me a favor.” I smirked.

“Of course.” Niall looked at me intriguingly.

“Here let me put on my gloves…” I stood up and grabbed the box of gloves.

“Wait! You said no!” Niall jumped straight up, panic in full swing again.

“No, I am not doing a prostate check on you. Just a fake one.” I snapped a glove on my hand

“Oh.. The old.. fake… prostate check.. Trick.” Niall questioned, not believing a word I said.

“Yes Niall.” Then I went in to detail on how we were going to scare the shit out of Liam Payne.

I slammed a chair up against the wall and screamed for Niall to be still. About that time Niall ran out of the office, with his pants half way around his calves, yelling “you crazy American with your crazy ass fetish!”

“Niall come back!! We are not through!!” I popped my recently jelled gloves off my hands and sighed, laughing internally as Niall stumbled through the waiting room.

I looked over at the waiting chairs, that now had filled with two more bodies plus Liam

 

The look in their eyes, their face, was priceless.

“Oh hell-to-the-no. She is not sticking her fingers in my ass! I am not doing it!” Liam got up to leave, but I quickly grabbed him by the arm.

“No! No! No!” Liam tried to wiggle free.

“Oh shut up!” I groaned at him.

I spent the first 15 minutes of my physical with Liam trying to calm him down enough that his blood pressure wasn’t high enough for him to stroke out on me.

 

“I promise.” I laughed out.

“Swear it.” Liam was so done with me.

“I swear.” I crossed my heart in front of him. 

“Pinky promise.” Liam needed more from me apparently. 

“Oh my lord. I pinky promise!” I groaned and stuck out my pinky, interlocking it with Liam's pinky. All this over a fake rectal exam. 

"Do you take any medications?” I asked seriously.

“Nope.” Liam was back to being difficult. 

“Anything you need to discuss with Dr. Geffrey?” I questioned.

“Nope.” He shook his head. 

“Ok, then. We are all done here.” I closed my papers and smiled at him.

His history and physical took a little longer than I had hoped due to his blood pressure being higher than it should. But that was my fault I suppose. I was running over. I was supposed to start at 11 o’ clock with Harry Styles. Then 11:30 with Louis Tomlinson. _I should be able to do their History and physicals and the same time._ I thought to myself.

 

“So.. I can go?” Liam looked give out and weary being in my presence. 

 

“Yes, you can go. You can send the next two in together please. Thanks, Liam.” I shook his hand.

“Yea…thanks? I guess I will see you next week then.”

“Yes. See you next week Liam! Bye!” I smiled and waved.

 

Liam left with quickly, I assumed he thought I might change my mind on the prostate check.

I was typing on my MacBook when I heard a light tapping on the door.

“Miss Miller?” A raspy, seductive voice called. 

“It’s Brandi. Please, come in!” I spun around in my chair, and stood up to greet the two boys coming in. 

The two boys came in, shyly, unsure of what to expect. My goodness. They were breathtaking. I could feel a flush coming to my cheeks so I quickly spun around and sat on my stool and tried to look busy.

“Who’s Harry?” I asked, flushed. Completely unprepared for what walked through my door.

“That would be me. Your not gonna…” Harry looked at me warily.

“No.. I’m not.” I laughed. “Nice to meet you Harry. You must be Louis.” I smiled, trying to breath, as I shook his hand.

“Yes, I am.” Louis stuck out his hand and I shook it, praying to God I was not flushed and sweaty palmed. 

“Do you mind if I do you two together? I can do you separate if you would prefer?” I asked.

“No, no that’s fine. We are use to doing it together.. Or I mean doing uhm, interviews with each other.. Present.” Louis stuttered. Harry looked at him strangely, then snickered, “Why are you stuttering?”

 

“I’m not.” Louis cut his eyes at Harry, “Go on Brandi.”

 

“Alright guys. Step on the scales!” I pointed to the metal scale. Harry stepped on the scales, followed by Louis. “Wow. Louis. You need to eat a cheeseburger. Or two.” Harry laughed

 

“Oh, I eat meat. I eat fish. Veggies, candy, tea. Trust me. I eat.” He looked at me concerned. 

 

“Seriously? You eat? You look like you eat rocks and leaves.” I asked.

 

“Well not rocks..” He looked at me, laughing. Bright blue eyes twinkling. Ugh. 

 

“I am just kidding. Do you drink protein shakes or anything? Take vitamins?” I looked down at my sheet, trying not to make eye contact with this beautiful boy.

 

“Bleh. No.” Louis shook his head in disgust.

 

“You should.” I continued to write.

 

“Oh.. Well I eat a lot. A lot.” He tried to convey his message, his head swooping down to get my attention.

 

“Yea. I believe you. Any allergies?” I looked up cautiously, changing the conversation. 

 

“Yes! Work.” He winked.

 

“Oh.. Ok.. And you Harry?” My mind screamed at me to quit making eye contact with Louis. 

 

“Nothing. Healthy as can be. A touch of asthma.” He grinned at me. A perfect dimpled grin. His bright blue-green eyes bouncing between Louis and I.

 

“Awesome” I looked down and kept on writing, then typing on the computer. 

 

“Well, both of your blood pressures are beautiful. Nothing significant in your families histories to be concerned about. Anything else you want to add?” I kept my attention on the computer.

 

“Yes! I had terrible strep throat and laryngitis a year or so ago. I couldn’t sing or talk for days. Terrible, terrible time in my life. It hurt so bad. You have to make sure that never happens to me again Brandi!” Louis said, grabbing my hand. My heart racing at the simple touch. What the hell was wrong with me? I'm 25 years old. Not a 13 year old with a school crush!

 

“I, oh…strep throat? Okay. Well I will sure try! There is this thing we can try. I need to talk to Dr. Geffrey about it first. But I have an idea. We can try to steam your voice prior to concerts that way your larynx is nice and moist prior to you singing. You won’t be out there with dry throat trying to sing and hurt yourself again. What do you think?” I asked a bit to rushed.

 

“I will try it. I don’t want to go through it again. Very good idea. You are very smart. Already trying to save me. What a good nurse you are. You know, my mom is a nurse too.” Louis smiled.

 

“That's pretty awesome about your mom Louis. I hope that means you understand what I have to deal with on a day to day basis. That’s why you are going to be paying me the big bucks.” I winked.

 

“Haha. Yes?” Louis cocked his head at me.

 

“I have no idea. But if you want to pay me more, go right ahead. I will not complain.” I smiled as prettily as I could muster without my face cracking. 

 

“Brandi?” Harry asked all raspy and sexy like. I was going to hate him, I was sure of this. 

 

“Mmhmm Harry?”

 

“Are you like.. Our personal nurse? Or the whole entire tour nurse?” He asked concerned.

 

“I am the whole entire tour nurse. Why?”

 

“Hmm.. Just curious. Our last nurse was nearly 70 fucking years old. No shit. Her name was Gretta. She smelled of formaldehyde. But she was only in charge of us. Not everyone. They even tried to give her a bunk on tour bus, which we had to veto quickly. I just wonder why.” Harry shrugged. Louis nodded.

 

“I have no clue. Couldn’t tell you. I just do what the big boss says to do.” I shrugged.

 

“Well, we will just have to get you a place on our bus then.” Harry smiled a wicked little smile at me.

 

I looked up and nearly fell over as Harry licked his lips. Louis punched Harry on the shoulder.

 

“I- ya know. I was told I was on a bus with a bunch a ladies? Uhm.. I think Lou is my roommate at hotels? Besides. Don’t want to change what works!” I smiled and went back to typing.

 

“Yea, we will see.. Brandi. That’s a very sexy name. Brandi. Fun to drink too.” Harry turned into a wolf in sheep's clothing.

 

I turned around shocked. “Are you flirting with me Harry Styles? You sound like a three year old when you say my name. It’s Brandi. Not Bwandi. You drink Brandy. Not Brandi. And if you spell my name with a ‘Y’ I will punch you in the throat. See? You don’t want me on your bus. I am mean and hormonal. We just won’t mesh well.” I knew I was flushed again, but needed to set boundaries. 

 

Louis’s mouth dropped at my outburst and Harry started cracking up.

 

“I like you! You will fit right it!” Harry slapped his knee, cackling. 

 

“You can go now. Thank you guys!” I frowned, shooing them out. 

 

“Thank you Brandi… see you next week!” Harry waiting for me to add more to this conversation. I quickly made a diversion turning my back around, not making eye contact.

 

“You too guys, later!” I smiled and waved.

 

Harry got up first and left, but Louis lingered.

 

“Yes?” I turned on my stool, feeling his presence beside me.

 

“I just.. I just wanted to say. I really, really look forward to working with you, Brandi.” Louis smiled. And good God. It was a great smile. Lord Help Me. Beautiful boy. 

 

“Me too, Louis. See you next week.”

 

And he left. My heart was palpating so fast. That smile. Lord Jesus help me. How could anything be that beautiful?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Louis and Harry were walking to Harry’s car when Louis asked, “How old do you think she was?”

 

“I am not sure? Early 20’s. Has to be. Why?” Harry smiled.

 

“We have to get her on our bus.” Louis grinned as Harry high-fived him.


	4. Chapter 4

Needless to say, the conversion from hotel room to bunk was not all that easy. I am not claustrophobic by any means, but privacy was miniscule. My bus mates were very nice, and did everything in their own way to make me feel welcome, even though I was the new girl, American, Texan at that, and well, educated.

“You graduated college how many times?” Asked Lou, my tour roommate, and the bands groomer.

“Three times.”

“Why three? I mean, that’s great, three times, but once is enough. I graduated high school, took some college classes, and that was enough for me.” Lou dug into her noodles.

“Lou, you put on make-up and style hair, you really didn’t need a college education for that,” Caroline, the wardrobe mistress laughed and threw a pillow from the dinette.

“Apparently, you need many a degree to save a life. It’s an art form my dear!” I smiled. I really liked the girls. Easy to talk to.

“I think, going to college for nearly 6 years just give someone an enema is a waste of time! To be shit on, pissed on, and puked on, is not what I want to do with my life!” Britta, the tour director said from her bunk.

“Aww. Britta, you haven’t lived till you’ve been shit on!” I laughed.

“Trust me, my dear! I have been shit on. Oh yes. I have been!” Britta joked.

Today was going to be like any other day. We sleep all day. Get the boys to interview. Get the boys to sound check. Get the boys dressed. Get the boys on stage. Pack up and leave. Back to bed. Day after day.

I just sit there and wait for someone to get hurt. I’m kind of like the school nurse. Just patiently waiting…

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

I was sitting on the bus, when I got a text, rudely interrupting my ‘me time’ with me and my People magazine.

**0000000:** Brandi? It’s Louis. Where are you? I cannot find you anywhere. What is your location? I will come to you.

My heart skidded to a stop. Jesus. I knew the guys had my number but that didn’t mean they had the right to use it. Right?

**8888888:** Why? What’s wrong?

**0000000:** Where are you?

**8888888:** What’s wrong?

**0000000:** Where are you?

**8888888:** I can do this all day. What do you need?

**0000000:** NVM. I know where you are now. Lou told me. Be there in a sec.

Lou. Damn you. I peeked out the bus window and didn’t see him. I quickly slid my tennis shoes on, put my phone in my pocket, and grabbed my magazine I hadn’t had my alone time with. Being alone on the bus with Louis was not what I wanted or needed, right now. Well. Yes it was. But not a good idea. Giving him the steam treatments to his voice prior to each show was truly the only time I saw him each day, and I wouldn’t let him talk while doing that.

I stepped off the bus and quickly darted behind it and headed to the back of the building closest to me. I spied Louis coming out of a door, and my heart quickened. He wasn’t wearing the gawky hipster clothes he usually wore. A grey long sleeved shirt, jeans and tennis shoes. A shadow of stubble on his face, his hair gently tucked under a grey beanie. Wow. He looked great. Casual. Comfy. Cuddle-worthy.

_Stop it Brandi!_ I mentally smacked myself.

I saw him walk on to my bus, then a couple minutes walk back out. Frustrated. He put his hands in pocket, and pulled out his phone and started dialing.

Shit! I couldn’t turn my phone off fast enough.

_“Footloose! Footloose! Kick of your Sunday shoes…”_ My cell phone screamed.

I dropped my magazine trying to quickly silence my phone, but it was to late, I had been spotted and was being giving the death/I caught you glare.

“Nice ringtone.”

“Uhm. Yes. I love the 80’s and …uhm Footloose.” I smiled, and bent over to retrieve my magazine, hoping not to faint in the process. God he smelled good. _Fucking Gucci Guilty._ Try to breath. Not to deeply. You will take to much of him in and you’ll be a goner!

“Your avoiding me, love?” He looked at me, big blue eyes piercing into me.

"No? Why would you think that?” I stuttered out.

“You won’t tell me where to find you. And you disappeared when I came to find you.” He prodded, tucking his thumbs into his jeans, kicking at the pavement.

“No I didn’t. Quit instigating. Besides. I had to go to the bathroom.” I quickly lied. Useless lie.

“Right.” He scoffed. 

“Mmhmm. Right.” I started to walk off. Breathe, breathe.

“Do you want to have lunch with me?” He smiled, grabbing my elbow.

“Its 5:30 in the evening, Louis.” I looked at my cell phone just to confirm the time.

“And?” Louis gently squeezed my arm.

“That’s not lunch.” I wasn't going to win this.

“Brandi- come on. No more arguing.” He chuckled. I let him guide me by the arm to his dressing room, where a small table had been set up with a little sandwich set up.

“Ahh! Olives! Pickled okra! That’s disgusting.” Louis turned his nose up at the vegetable tray.

“Are you kidding me? These are great! A southern girl’s dream cuisine! Olives are the greatest. Especially the black ones.” I smiled popping one into my mouth.

“Gross. You are going to be sick, southern girl.” Louis made a sour face at me.

“What? No. The difference between me and you is, I eat right and you don’t.” I ate a piece of okra. “I look healthy, while you like emaciated.”

“I look fine. I have a high metabolism. I play footie a lot too. Constantly running.” He dug around in the olive tray.

“Mmhmm. Yes, and the cropped pants show that my dear.” I grinned, snacking on my pickled okra.

“What’s wrong with my cropped pants?” Louis stopped digging, turning his attention back to me. Blue eyes questioning me.

“You dress funny! Like a hipster douche bag.” I laughed, throwing an olive at him.

“I do not! I have class and style.” He threw the olive back at me.

“No, your style went out many years ago. Along with the suspenders and stripes you are trying to bring back." I looked down trying to locate the olive he threw at me. 

“Well fine! That was years ago anyways. That was my fetus stage. Now I am all punk rock and rough. Besides, I do not like the way you dress at all either! You are so boring! All you wear is t-shirt  
and jeans everyday, or scrubs! You probably sleep in t-shirt and jeans!” He said pouting, obviously not liking that our conversation had turned to picking on him.

“Are you seriously pouting?” I laughed.

“Yes. You need help. And it’s the kind I cannot give you.” Louis sat back his chair, pulling his phone out as a distraction.

“I don’t want your fashion advice. I don’t want to frighten little children.” I grinned at his childish behavior.

“I don’t fright-” 

“I’m kidding! Jeez! Eat!” I passed him the pickles okra tray.

“I lost my appetite watching eat that okra! Gross! Would you stop! Here! Give them to me!” He grabbed the pickled okra and threw them in the trash.

“Hey! You ass! That’s the best thing I have had to eat the whole time I have been here! This is by far the worst lunch ever.” I pouted this time and leaned back in my chair.

“You insulted me the whole time!” Louis whined.

“I never insulted you! I was trying to help you!” I argued back.

“You called me a manorexic hipster douchebag!” Louis threw his hands up.

I laughed out loud. “I did not! Your instigating again!”

A knock on the door and Lou peeked her head in the door.

“Louis? You ready?” Lou asked bored.

“Do I have choice Lou?” Louis groaned.

“Nope not really. Jeez Louis! Why are you all flushed!” Lou panicked.

Louis pointed at me, and I backed away from my chair.

“Oh no… Don’t blame me. He drug my ass in here and made me eat rocks and leaves with him.” I threw my hands up and backed up.

“Oh yea, that’s exactly what happened!” Louis glared at me.

“Oh my god, Louis. Are you really mad at me? I didn’t mean to offend you. It’s not your fault your stylist has bad taste.” I smiled.

“Hey!” Lou threw a brush at me.

Louis laughed. “So now it’s Lou’s fault?”

“I always place blame elsewhere.” I stated as a mere fact. 

Louis looked up at me with those blue eyes and I felt my center of gravity start to give way. Thank God there was a wall behind me, or I would have been kissing concrete.

“Are you okay?” Lou looked at me concerned.

“Uhm.. Yes. I need…to go. I need, to uhm. Get ready. Louis treatment. Be back shortly.” I stuttered and walked out.

Oh this is bad. So bad. How can this stubbly, blue-eyed, beautiful boy cause my world to shake? Stupid, gorgeous boy.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a massive chapter. I apologize. But it gets us up to speed. Present day.

_Present day_

Three years had passed since I had seen Louis. Absence makes the heart grow fonder? Right. Not in this situation.

Jayce and Addylee were beautiful, amazing, smart. Looked nothing like me. Jayce was a quirky little boy. He had a mess of dishwater blonde hair that was kept in a stylish three year old Mohawk, and the biggest Tomlinson blue eyes, that he frequently used to his advantage. His eyelashes were so long, that they would rest on his cheeks, and looked as if he had to struggle to hold open his eyes. He was the mini-me version of Louis.

Addylee was another story. She was a princess to say the least. Quick to throw a temper tantrum, but just as quick to forgive and forget. She had her mama’s long blonde hair that hung down to the middle of her back, that she required to be braided in two braids daily. She, too, had the Tomlinson blue eyes, and she worked them worse than Jayce. She had Louis sass and quick comeback skills. 

I spoke with Johanna, or Jay as I called her, on a weekly basis. She sent money even after I asked her not to. She would swear it was not from Louis. But I knew better. Where did she get the cash she was sending? She was a nurse midwife. She didn’t have this kind of cash. I knew it was Louis' hush money. Or guilt money. Who knew?

Jay flew down every 6 months or so to see the twins. She refused to let Louis’ ignorance impede her from seeing her grandchildren. She would be here tomorrow. I was relieved she was coming. She was like the little piece of home in my heart I had lost when Louis walked out on me. But, I digress.

“Mommy!! Jayce took my ‘nana and gave it to Bella, than he took my juice and spilled it!’ Addy screamed at me from her stool in the kitchen.

“Nu-uh! Addy! You lie! Mommy! Addy took my juice!” Jayce pointed at Addy.

“Jayce, where is the banana?” I looked over and saw the yellow lab smacking her lips, and wagging her tail eagerly.

“I dunno?” He smiled. Precious. Feigning the truth.

“Mom! Bella eated it!” Addy whined.

“Addy hush.. Please.” I walked over to the island to get another banana.

“Moooooooooooooom.” Jayce pouted.

“Jayce share your banana with Addy.”o

“But I dun wanna.” Jayce flirted with me.

“Well I dun care.” I smiled.

Addy stuck her tongue out at Jayce and helped herself to Jayce’s banana. The phone rang.

“I’ll GET IT!” Jayce yelled. “Mimi!!!” Jayce squealed in the phone and started his small three year old chit chat. “Mommy! It’s Mimi!” Jayce squealed as he handed me the phone.

“Hello?” I grinned into the receiver. 

Jay was flying in tomorrow to see the twins. She was breaking down her flying arrangements for me which hardly ever changed. I told her I would meet her at DFW and the twins were squealing in the background.

“Love you too, Jay. See you tomorrow afternoon. Bye!” I hung up the phone and leaned on to the kitchen island watching my sweet babies argue back and forth. 

“I love my Mimi. She loves me more than you Jayce.” Addylee said to herself, rolling her eyes to Jayce for effect.

“Nu-uh. She loves me more.” Jayce countered back

“No. She loves meeeee more.” Addy sassed back. 

“Guys. Cut it out.” I said sternly.

“Mommy, is Aunt Lottie and Aunt Fizzy coming?” Addy asked me.

“No baby. Your aunts are busy with your daddy.” I frowned and went to pealing my banana.

“Oh.” Addylee frowned with me.

“Daddy singing to make people happy?” Jayce asked.

I sighed, “Yea, baby. He sure is.” I kissed Addy on the head and went to wash the dishes.

The twins know who “daddy” is. Jay made sure of it. It wasn’t a secret at all. She would bring pictures of him and the boys, Liam, Harry, Niall and Zayn. She would have the twins watch videos of his performances, much to my chagrin. She even had the twins stay up till midnight to watch the band perform on Jimmy Kimmel Live. The twins loved it. They just knew Daddy was singing to them. They had a connection this way.

After a long day of wrestling with Jayce and Addy, I got the twins bathed and ready for bed, read “Green Eggs and Ham” and they were both out.

I went to bed and pondered. A thousand thoughts running through my brain as usual.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

_.:.~*flashback*~.:._

 

I sat in the bathroom floor, tears running down my cheeks.

“No.. no.. no.” I sobbed, heaving. “This can’t be.”

I looked at the small white stick and gripped it in my hand. Two pink lines.

“Why God! Why?” I put my head in my hands and sobbed more. Everything was spinning. My head hurt so bad. This will ruin everything.

“Brandi?” Johanna asked through the bathroom door.

“Oh god.. No.. Jay just go.. Please. Not now” I pleaded from the toilet. 

“Brandi! What’s wrong! Are you sick? Open this door! Now young lady!” Jay knocked harder on the door, I could hear her hip hitting the door.

“No Jay.. Please go.” I cried. I heard the lock being picked and panicked. “Jay- stop!” It was too late. She had already popped the lock with a bobby-pin.

“Brandi! Oh my god. Baby! What’s wrong!” She shut the door behind her, and locked it.

“I--I.. oh god. Jay.. I don’t know what to do!” I started sobbing, then vomited again.

She started rubbing my back in circles, “What is that Brandi?”

“No. Jay- don’t” She took the pregnancy test out of my hands, and gasped. “Brandi! Oh God! Brandi!” She started to fan herself.

“I know.. I know.. “ The tears were flooding again.

She squealed. What the hell? I looked up at her like she had just grew three heads through tear soaked lashes.

“I am going to be a grandmother?!” She started to cry.

“This is so bad. So bad. Please. Just stop” I begged. 

“This is the best news ever! I am so happy!” Johanna started to shake me. Hugging me tightly.

“Oh God.” The heaving resumed.

“Brandi, you have got to calm down. Why are you so upset?” She ran her hand in circles over my back. 

“This is not what I want. What Louis wants! He was very specific he didn’t want children right now or even in 10 years! He never wants to get married. He is going to go ape shit. Oh. I foresee this. This will end badly.” I panicked, my breath speeding up again. 

“You do not have much faith in Louis, Brandi. How can you have relationship like yours, if you think he will react badly to having children?! This is a gift from God!” Jay held my hand.

“I am not suppose to have children Johanna! I was told I would never have children when I was freaking 13 years old! I have polycystic ovaries! I have been on birth control since I was 14 just so I could have normal periods! I- I don’t understand! This doesn’t make any since! How did I get pregnant! I am on the freaking pill! I don't even ovulate!”

“Brandi. You are a nurse. Do the math. The pill doesn’t always work." Jay smiled down at me, still rubbing light circles into my back. 

“But I was told…” I was so confused. So lost. 

“The doctors were wrong! This is a gift! A miracle!” She tried to change my mind. 

“Please quit saying that. This is going to ruin everything.”

“Wash your face my dear, and come back downstairs. Louis will be looking for you.” She stood up, pulling me up in the process.

“No. Tell him I have food poisoning and I went straight to bed.” I went to the sink and began washing my face.

“Are you sure?” Jay looked at me sadly, pushing the hair from my face. 

“Yes. Please.” I smiled slightly at her, unsure myself. 

“Okay then.” She sighed, kissed me on my cheek, and left the bathroom. I turned on the shower and let the hot water run over me.

_Motherhood._  
Louis.  
Baby. 

It was too much to think about. I rested my head on the marble wall and instant dizziness kicked in. Spinning again. I tried to grab hold of the wall, but it was slick and lost grip.

My vision was tunneling.

Blackness.

Out.

I woke up with Louis holding me and screaming for Harry to come help him. I couldn’t lift my head, and the throbbing behind my right ear was unreal. I was still in the shower, hot water running over me. 

“Brandi! Baby! Look at me! Oh my god! She’s bleeding from her head somewhere!” Louis panicked, trying to inspect my head..

“Here, turn the water off.” Harry hovered over him, Dan, Johanna’s husband and Louis stepfather, ran in with Jay on his heels. She quickly grabbed a towel and threw it over me.

Louis put me down, so that Harry could pick me up and carry me to the bed.

“You said she had food poisoning mom!” Louis panicked, giving Jay the death glare.

“That’s what she said!” Johanna fought back, “How was I to know she was going to get in the shower and faint!” Jay yelled back, her voice laced with concern. 

“She’s got a nasty cut behind her ear. Give me another towel so I can put some pressure on it.” Harry gave directions.

“Trash!” I gasped and covered my mouth. Harry quickly pulled the trashcan to the side of the bed and I commenced the vomiting from earlier.

“We need to get her to the hospital. She may have a concussion.” Dan suggested, “I will go pull the car around.”

Louis nodded, “Harry out. I need to get her dressed.”

“What? I have seen this much of her.” Harry grinned. 

“Out.” Louis demanded. 

I was miserable. My head was about to explode. My stomach was killing me. Death was welcomed right now. My vision was doubled from hitting my head and my ears buzzed. I could smell blood, and taste acrid vomit. Louis and Johanna helped dress me. Awkward. But welcomed. Every time I sat up everything spun and my stomach churned.

I was soon in a car, and in a Emergency Department.

“Miss Miller?” The ED Nurse called.

“Over here.” Louis answered for me. I was escorted back in a wheelchair with Louis holding my hand. The nurse made me change out of my clothes to a gown only to be whipped back to CT-Scan, Louis tried to follow.

“Sir, you will have to stay here. You cannot go back.” The nurse held up a hand to stop Louis. 

“But why? I need to go back with her. She's hurt.” Louis pleaded. 

“She will be back in 15 minutes, I promise” The X-ray tech acknowledged. Louis sighed and sat back down in the triage room.

“Is this any chance your pregnant Miss Miller?” I was asked when in CT-Scan.

“Yes.” I replied meekly.

“How far along?” The kind tech asked.

“I don’t know. I just found out tonight. That’s when I fainted, hit my head and here I am.” I frowned, tonight's events replaying in my mind.

“Wow.. tough luck huh hun?” She smiled at me.

“Yea, you could say so.” I looked down at my hands sad. 

“Well we will just put this cute little vest over you and protect your little muffin!” She patted my stomach gently. 

“Awesome.” I groaned. 

The CT of my head didn’t last very long. I was taken back to my room and there was my blue-eyed angel, waiting patiently for me. The ED Doctor came in and started with the 20 questions. Requested that blood be drawn and urine specimen be sent. We would have to wait a bit longer for the CT-Scan results. Another nurse came in and derma bonded my scalp laceration behind my ear and gave me some Tylenol for the headache. She was quite nice but wanted to talk and I wanted to die. Literally.

Louis played with my hair, and kissed my nose every now and then as we waited for the results so we could go home. Then the doctor came in with a stern look on his face. Great.

“Miss Miller.”

“Your lab results are in. Your HcG levels are extremely high. This could be 1 of two possibilities, and could explain why you vomited and fainted.”

“Wait what’s H-C-G?” Louis interrupted. ‘ _Oh god. Please no. Ask him to leave! Not here, not now!’_

“HcG is the hormone used to detect pregnancy. But it's also high with a tumor that grows in the uterus.” The doctor stated simply.

“See? It’s a tumor. Not food poisoning!” I smiled trying to laugh. A tumor would be better than a baby right now.

“We need to do a sonogram of your abdomen, Miss Miller. Just to rule out a tumor.” The doctor clicked his pen and sat down my chart. 

“Wow. Come in for a concussion and leave with a tumor!” I was so scared. I knew it wasn’t a tumor. I knew it. I was pregnant. I felt it in my heart. I looked over at Louis. He had a death grip on my hand and his eyes were glistening. My heart was breaking. He looked at me reassuringly and smiled.

The silence stung. The sonographer came in and put the cold jelly on my stomach. I prepared myself, and I heard Louis take a deep breath. The ED doctor stood by to direct the sonographer.

She rolled over my stomach till she saw a flutter. My heart quickened. Louis’s hand let go. Louis had seen many sonograms in his day. His mother, Jay, had 7 kids, including Louis. 

“Well kids, it’s not a tumor.” The doctor laughed.

She rolled over once, twice, three more times. Another flutter. My heart stopped.

“Just as I suspected. That, my dear, is two separate heart beats.” The doctor grinned at me and Louis. He continued to right on the chart. 

The ride home was quiet. An icy silence between us. Harry asked me how I was feeling and Louis snapped out of his trance.

“Tell him the fucking truth Brandi! Tell him! Tell him how you lied to me and now you’ve got us in this mess!” Louis yelled, his head in his hands, pulling at his hair. 

I was in shock. He had never yelled at me like that. Ever. I foresaw this.

“What the hell Louis?” Harry snapped back, concerned etched on his face as he looked at me in the rear view mirror. 

“She’s pregnant! Fucking pregnant! With twins nonetheless! Of all the things to go wrong! Right now! You lied to me Brandi! You lied to me!” Louis turned in his seat to look at me. I broke down. 

“I never lied Louis! I never lied to you! I wouldn’t! How could I lie to you about something like this? I just now found out too! I sobbed. 

Louis hit his hands on the dash and growled. Harry yelled some obscenities at him about hitting his car, and I cried more.

We got to the house where Johanna and Dan were waiting for us. I ran in crying (I hadn’t stop.) I ran straight to Louis room where he trailed after me screaming, cursing, throwing whatever was in reach. He locked the door behind him.

“You have to leave. Now.” Louis stood by the door, refusing to make eye contact with me. 

“Wait. Louis. Why can’t we just talk? Why won’t you even look at me and acknowledge I did not do this by myself! I did my part! I was on the pill! You refused to use protection! You said yourself that I was your one and only and that there was no need. Those were your words not mine! I did my part!” I screamed at him.

“You said you couldn’t get pregnant! You lied to me!” Louis tugged at his hair again, running his hands over his face. He looked broken. Frightened. His face red, hands shaking.

“You heard what that doctor said! Sometimes women with PCOS they over release eggs! And when they do, birth control is no good! So this is all your fault! Quit blaming me! I didn’t get myself knocked up!” I begged. Louis collapsed on the floor and started to sob.

“I don’t want children. I don’t want children right now! I just wanted you. You were my perfect girl. You were my all. My heart and soul. I gave you everything in my heart, Brandi! And in one night you took it all away from me! I want you out! I want you out of my house! I want you out of my life. I never.. Never.. want to see you again. Ever.” He cried. He didn’t mean it. There was no way. He loved me. Or so I thought.

But people who love one another don’t say these thing to each other. I snapped inside.

I was full of fury. Rage. Harry was kicking the door and screaming for Louis to open the door. I walked over to the door and let him in. He was in the middle of a yell and stopped.

“Are you okay? I heard the screaming and things breaking. Did he hurt you?” Harry asked concerned, turning my face side to side to look at it.

“No, not physically.” I cut my eyes over to Louis sitting on the floor, crying.

I walked over to him and threw my birthday present from him on the floor beside him. A beautiful princess cut pink diamond ring. My birthstone. I had fell in love with it when the band had a show in Paris. Louis surprised me with it. I never took it off. Now it burned where it sat.

“I hope you rot, like the scum you are.” I slapped him. It felt good. It would also be the last time I touched him. I took of the pink ring and threw it on the floor beside him. Louis touched his cheek and picked up the ring. He placed it on his hand, the ring not sliding past the knuckle. His eyes opened wide, looking at me in shock. _She's really leaving me. This is it._

“Harry- take me to the airport. I’m going home.” I pushed my way past Harry and down the hall. Harry hot on my heels. 

 

_SPEECHLESS by Lady Gaga_

_How?_  
I can’t believe what you said to me  
Last night when we were alone  
You threw your arms up  
Baby you gave up, you gave up 

_I can’t believe_  
how you looked at me  
With your James Dean glossy eyes  
In your tight jeans with your long hair  
And your cigarette stained lies 

_Could we fix you, if you broke?  
And is your punch line just a joke?_

_I’ll never talk again_  
Oh boy  
you’ve left me speechless  
You’ve left me speechless, so speechless.  
And I’ll never love again  
Oh boy  
You’ve left me speechless, so speechless 

_I can’t believe how you slurred at me_  
With your half wired broken jaw  
You popped my heart seams  
On my bubble dreams, bubble dreams 

_I can’t believe how you looked at me_  
With your Johnnie Walker eyes  
He’s gonna get you and after he’s through  
There’s gonna be no love left to rye 

_And I know that it’s complicated_  
But I’m a loser in love  
So baby  
raise a glass to mend  
All the broken hearts  
Of all my wrecked up friends 

_I’ll never talk again_  
Oh boy you’ve left me speechless  
You’ve left me speechless, so speechless  
And I’ll never love again.  
Oh friend  
You’ve left me speechless  
You’ve left me speechless so speechless 

_How?_

_And after all the drinks and bars that we’ve been to_  
Would you give it all up?  
Could I give it all up for you? 

_And after all the boys and girls that we’ve been through_  
Would you give it all up?  
Could you give it all up? 

_If I promise boy to you.._

_That I’ll never talk again_  
And I’ll never love again  
I’ll never write a song  
Won’t even sing along 

_I’ll never love again_

_So speechless_  
You left me speechless, so speechless  
Why you so speechless, so speechless? 

_Will you ever talk again?_  
Oh boy, why you so speechless?  
You’ve left me speechless 

_Some men may follow me_  
But you choose “death and company”  
Why you so speechless? Oh oh. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> another long one...

My trip to pick up Jay from DFW was uneventful if you account for the two separate bathroom breaks, an eye-poking warfare in the backseat and spilled Cheetos. Jay was standing by the Cinnabun Store (our usually meeting place, and our private pleasure to divulge in) when the twins broke from me and ran full stride.

“Mimi!!!” Jayce and Addylee screamed, their little feet taking them as fast as they could.

“Oh! Oh my goodness! Your so big! You grew at least a foot!” Jay smiled and hugged her grandbabies tightly. “Brandi, my love.” She kissed me on the cheek.

“Mimi, look! I am this many!” Jayce held up three chubby little fingers

Jay laughed. “I know! You are getting so old! Soon you will be driving!” Jayce smiled and locked hands with _‘his Mimi.’_ Addylee, on the other hand.

“Ohhhh Mimi!! I want that!” She pointed her finger at the Cinnabun display counter.

Johanna and I turned. Yes, she was my child. A few Cinnabuns later, we were loaded up in my Pathfinder on our way back home. The twins did their usual dribble 30 minutes into the ride, then collectively falling asleep., leaving me and Jay to catch up.

“My grandmother, Edna, her 90th birthday is coming up. She wants to meet Jayce and Addy, Brandi. She would like to meet you. She is going to have a large party at her house in the country and all my family will be there. Well, minus my boy.” Long Pause. She then continued.

“She wants to meet her great grandchildren. It’s one thing to raise your children. It's another to see your grandchildren grow up. It’s a blessing if you get to see your great grandchildren. Please, hear me out. Just come back to Doncaster for a couple weeks. Let my family meet my grandchildren. And Mark. He should be able to meet his grandchildren, too.” She said, looking out the window sadly.

“Jay, it's not that I don’t want that. I do want the twins to meet their family. It’s just to risky. I don’t want to take that chance and risk running into him.”

“He won’t even be there! He is doing some show in Milan that week. He has already called, and apologized, nearly on a daily basis. He won’t be there. It’s perfect. All my family together for such a special day, and you and the grand-twins. It’s all I want, Brandi.” She pleaded with me.

“I just.. I don’t know. Can I think on it?” I asked, frustrated and a bit scared.

“Sure, think hard!” She smiled, and patted me on the hand.

“Hah.. Okay.” I rolled my eyes.

Our week with Mimi passed quickly. We stayed busy, well, I did, trying to avoid Johanna’s question. I had thought about going to Doncaster over, and over again. It consumed my thoughts. The twins deserved the right to meet their family, but it was also my job to protect them. Protect them from what? I don’t know. I had been assured by Johanna, he wouldn’t be there. I even phoned Dan for confirmation.

_Fine. We will go._

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I walked into the living room where Johanna was sitting on her laptop handling her business.

“Jay?”

“Mmhmm?” She peered at me over her zebra-striped bifocals.

“I have been thinking about, well.. your grandmother, and family, and the twins getting to meet their grandfather, and your right. The twins deserve it. Your mom does. Mark does. I am being selfish, and I need to let go of my insecurities, and let the twins live a little, but not too much.” I smiled, and she got up from her chair and ran to hug me.

“Oh Brandi! This is good! Very, very good! I will call Dan now, and he will make all the arrangements! First class only for my family!” She hopped up and ran to get her phone.

I stood there, a bit dazed. A bit confused. But kind of excited. I did need a vacation. Doncaster was not my first choice, but it will do.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jay was boarding her plane for home before we knew it. Jayce and Addylee threw their usual fit when Mimi left, with tears, stamping feet and the occasional dry heaves. I had to sit down on a bench to keep Addy from throwing herself down.

“Addy, calm down. Shh…” I held her in my arms and rocked her.

“Bu-- But, I--want my Mimi!” She choked out. Jayce held her hand, and sniffled, too.

“Mommy, go get her!” She threw her head down on my shoulder. I smiled. I loved my little girl. She was the greatest actress. Like her father.

“Hey now… shh…Hey.. Guess what? Come here.” I pulled Jayce on the bench closer to me, “I have a secret.”

The twins looked at me. Big, sad blue eyes, now questioning me.

“A secret?” Jayce asked me, a look of awe on his face.

“Tell me Mommy!” Addy started to wipe her eyes and regain her composure.

“Can you calm down? Be a big girl and a big boy?” I asked. The twins nodded in agreement.

“Okay then. Would you like to get on the airplane like Mimi does?” I asked, grinning. Jayce and Addy looked at me, near identical smiles forming in unison.

“Yes! Yes!”

“And would you like to fly on that airplane and go surprise Mimi and Papa Dan?” I asked, trying to pry the excitement from them.

“Uh huh!” Addy clapped and giggled.

“Mommy! We are going to Enggen to see Mimi! Tomorrow?!” Jayce asked.

“England, baby. And no. not tomorrow. In a couple of months.”

Simultaneous face drop.

“Months!” Addy threw her head down, again.

“Good lord Addylee. Do you want to go or not?” I asked exasperated. 

“Yes, but I wanna go tomorrow!” She whined, pulling on her braid. I sighed and stood up. I can’t win with these two.

“Lets go little monsters.” I tugged them off the bench. 

“You’re a little a monster Mommy!” Addylee slid her hand into mine, giggling at me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The twins absolutely loved going through all the check ins at the airport. I however, did not. I had prepared well though. I made sure the twins were simply dressed, no buttons anywhere, and flip-flops on both. Metal detectors would not dare go off on my children. Jayce and Addy had their own backpack loaded down with toys and food. My own carry on, loaded down with toys and food. Loading a plane with two hyperactive 3 years olds is a task for Titans. I dreaded the flight more than anything. 30 minutes of inactivity will kill a 3 yr old. 10 hours. Unimaginable.

Take off was great. The twins “ooohed and aww-ed” causing chuckles amongst the cabin. And then we were in the air. Jayce and Addy watched movies on their tablet and I caught up on some reading, but stayed distracted. Nerves. Jayce started to get restless eventually, and even with my kind threats, he began poking and pulling and touching anything in site. Soon, Addy followed.  
I pulled out my little friend, Mr. Benedryl, and mixed it in their juice. 30 minutes later, Silence. I followed suite.

I woke up to Jayce tugging on my ear lobe. He has done this since he was born. When I would feed him, then burp him, his little hand would always latch to my ear and play with it. When I would rock him to sleep, he would rest his head on my shoulder, and gently tug on my ear lobe till he fell asleep. I later realized, it comfort mechanism for him.

“What’s wrong baby?” I pulled him into my lap and kissed his head. He looked at me, sleepily and yawned.

“I love you Mommy.” He smothered his face in my neck.

“I love you, too.” I kissed his soft hair. 

“Mommy? Will we see daddy when we go to Enggen?” He asked quietly. My heart broke.

“I don’t know baby.” I frowned into his hair

“I miss him.” He sighed and laid his head back on my chest.

“I know baby.” I gently ran my fingers through his tiny Mohawk. 

Strange. How do you miss someone you’ve never met? Who won’t even acknowledge your presence? This person knows you exist and chooses to be oblivious to you. My children deserve better than him. They will always deserve better. My thoughts pondered and I became angrier with every thought. And if I ever did run into Louis, oh, the things I would do to him. Physical pain and torment. Like what he has done to my children. Grief.

Jayce lightly snores on my chest and my heart turns again.

Then again. Louis gave me Jayce and Addylee. My most precious gifts. My reason for breathing. Living. I should probably thank him.

_Someday._

We landed at 9am ‘Enggen’ time. The twins were very ready to see Mimi and Papa Dan.

We had to go through customs, and the twins impatiently waited. Addylee got mad when the customs lady told her she looked “Minnie Mouse with those big blue eyes,” which she promptly replied, “I look like a princess.” Complete with tongue protruding and eye rolling.

Jayce and Addylee squeals were ear piercing when they saw Johanna and Dan, and I swore I had heard that squeal in another lifetime. There were kisses everywhere, giggles, and excitement. Dan hadn’t seen the twins in nearly a year, so he was tickled by how big they had gotten.

We arrived at the Tomlinson house and it was just as I remember it. Beautiful.

“We’re home guys!” Jay grabbed Addy and twirled her, “Let’s go see your room!”

I walked into the living room. There were pictures of Louis and the girls placed strategically everywhere. There, however, were no pictures of Jayce and Addylee. Anywhere. I frowned and sat down, grabbing a picture on the coffee table. It was a picture of Mark, Johanna, Louis, Lottie, Felicity, Daisy, Phoebe, Dory and Ernie. sitting on the couch I was sitting on. Smiling, the happy little family. I traced Louis face with my finger’s tip. I could feel the tip of the dagger trying to pierce my heart again.

 

**************** _Flashback_

 

“Brandi?” I pulled the covers over my head.

“She‘s not here.” I heard him snort and crawl in the bed beside me, wrapping his arms around my waist.

“Get up sleepy head.” He pulled a piece of fallen hair out my face.

“30 more minutes..” I flipped my head the other way. He was a distraction.

His fingers started to trace my shoulder then down my back. Then his kisses started. Kisses. And more kisses. Gently over my shoulder, then my neck, the side of my face.

“Louis.. Stop.”

“You’re no fun.” Louis laid back down on his pillow and groaned.

“I told you I was no fun from the get go.” I smiled. I looked up at the clock. 07:37.

“Louis.. We just laid down. Not three hours ago!” I groaned this time, pulling my pillow over my face.

“I know that. But I missed you!” He whined and it was beautiful. 

“How can you miss me? I am right here beside you! Sleeping!” I groaned into my pillow.

“Because I do.” He pulled the pillow off my head and started to kiss my face again.

I sighed and smacked him.

“You’re grouchy this morning.” He grinned into my hair. 

“No, I am tired and grouchy this morning.” I began to gather the sheet around me and get out of bed, pushing Louis off of me.

“Where are you going?” Louis sat up on his elbows.

“To take a shower!” I walked into the bathroom and turned the water on. No point sleeping. Now I am up.

Washing my hair, I felt another set of hands help me.

“What are you doing?” I grinned.

“Helping.” He whispered into my ear. 

He rinsed the soap from my hair and kept his hands on me at all times. His thumb rolled over my bottom lip, and he quickly took me in his mouth. I groaned. He kisses were mind blowing. They drew you in and made you weak in the knees. The kind of kisses that draw the very life from your being. I ran my hands through his hair; I knew he loved this. He moaned and moved closer to me, I could feel him hard against my stomach. He pushed me against the shower wall and kissed me hard, bruising my lips. He lifted my thigh and ran his hand along slickness of my leg, inching closer to that secret place that was for only him.

“God, Brandi. Please.” He begged into my mouth.

“What do you want?” I teased, catching his lip between my teeth.

He hissed, growling low. “You. I only want you.”

I ran my hand over my breasts, pinching my nipples as he watched, taking his hand and guiding it down to my core. His lips reconnected with mine roughly and hot flames shot through my spine as his fingers danced on my clit. My arms laced around his neck for support, my back on the cool marble of the shower. I whimpered into his ear for more. A finger gently dipped into me. I cried out. Then another finger was added rocking in and out in the most painstakingly amazing rhythm. More flames seared through my spine up to my head and I was delirious in moments.

“Fuck Louis!” I begged, my breath ragged.

“You better not come without me.” He warned, biting my shoulder hard, causing me to cry out in bliss.

“And if I do?” I panted, the steam from the shower choking, the flames in my spine, breathtaking.

“Then, I’ll just have to fuck you into the mattress.” 

He removed his fingers and turned me around to face the wall. I grabbed the metal bar that served as a towel rack and held on for dear life. He bent me forward and smacked my ass. I grinned and he grabbed my chin roughly, turning my face to kiss him again. Louis ran his fingers down the length of my back, over my ass, and then back into me. I moaned out in pleasure again. Tired of being the only one pleasured, the fingers, were quickly replaced by Louis length and it took everything in me to keep from blacking out.

The heat, the steam. Louis.

I arched my back to allow him to go deeper and he grasped my hips. His nails dug into my flesh with each rhythmic thrust. His breathing hitched and I squeezed my thighs tighter. The noises we made together were animalistic. The water rippled down his chest. My knuckles were burning white from grasping the rack to keep from slipping. Our bodies slapping together noisily. My toes curling from the orgasm about to explode in me. 

“Louis! Louis…” I moaned, rocking harder into his thrusts. Stars shot behind my eyes, my body shaking from the climax, my arms sliding down the wet marble. 

“Oh my God.” He throatily yelled out as he went limp over my back. His orgasm spilling into me. “I fucking love you.” He panted into my ear. His fingers digging into my hips. 

I laughed. 

***************  
End flashback 

“MOMMY!!!!! MOMMY!!!!” Jayce screamed running into the living room. I sighed, placed the picture back and stood up. 

“Mommy! Papa Dan has a mo..a…uhm?” Jayce stuttered. 

“A moped.” Dan laughed. 

“Yes! A moped! It’s a bike with a battery” Jayce giggled, “I wanna go ride, but Papa Dan says I have to ask you first because we can die." 

I raised my eyebrow, “Die? On a moped?” I laughed. 

“Mopeds can be dangerous. Fierce little bikes ya know. I told him to ask you first. I will take him with me around the block.” Dan winked. 

“Well, be careful. No craziness on the moped ya hear?” Jayce ran out the door with Dan behind him. I looked out the window and I could see Jayce putting on the helmet that was too big for him. I grabbed my phone out of my purse and walked out. 

“Smile you guys!” I took a picture on my camera phone. Too cute. 

I went back in the house and upstairs to find Johanna and Addylee. I walked by Johanna’s room and saw the door was cracked. I walked in. Nosey by nature, I can’t help it. There were pictures of Addylee and Jayce all over Johanna’s bedroom. Collages. Beautiful pictures. Her room was a sanctuary to me. 

I walked to her small little closet office and saw she had large blown up picture of Jayce and Addylee when they were three months old. It was one of my favorite pictures. They were so small, so innocent. 

“That’s my favorite picture.” Jay came up from behind me and smiled. “It’s my inspiration. It gets me through the tough times. I just sit here and look at it. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I laugh.” 

“Why do you keep all your pictures of the twins in your room, Johanna?” I asked confused. 

“Louis. Mainly. When I flew to Texas so that I could be with you before you went into labor, Louis told me not to go. He said if I went, he would never speak to me again. He even tried to get Harry to side with him. But Harry, reasoned that, if Louis never spoke to me again, that was a blessing in disguise.” She laughed, then looked sad. “When I came home, Louis, refused to talk to me. He was disgusted with me. Of course, I cried and cried. I begged him to look at the twins picture, but he wouldn’t. I thought, if he would just look at them, look at how beautiful they were. Look at what he had made, with you, he could get over this anger in his heart. But no. He wouldn’t even hear their names. Dan tried. Mark tried. Even my mom. No one could reason with him. It was a very sad, dark time.” I could hear in in her voice the pain of the situation. 

“So, Louis doesn’t know his children’s names?” I asked, astonished. 

“He does. But I am sure he can’t spell them.” She laughed. 

“And he has never seen a picture of them?” Now, I was pissed. 

“He has seen this one,” She pointed to the large blown up picture, “only because I had made wallets and passed them out to my family. I gave one to Harry. Harry kept it in his wallet. The band was in Greece for a show. Harry had left his wallet on the table in his hotel room. Louis had left his cell phone. Louis went back to get his phone and grabbed Harry’s wallet in the process. He stopped by a drink machine and pulled money out of Harry’s wallet. The tiny picture fell out. Louis picked up the picture. About this time, Harry was coming off the elevator and saw Louis with his wallet. He also saw Louis looking at the picture.” 

“And?” 

“Louis lost it. He was mad at Harry. Harry said he had a right to carry the picture, but Louis felt betrayed. It caused quite a strife, Brandi. Louis mourned you for so long. For so long. The depression was unreal. We thought he was sick for the longest. Then one day, he just changed. Like he had woke up, and forgot the past.” She looked at the picture, dazed. 

“Well, that must be nice.” I officially hated Louis more now than before. 

“Enough sad stories! I am so glad you are here. I just want all those old wounds to heal, and get over that! My mother cannot wait to see you and the twins. She has a mantle dedicated to the twins.” 

I smiled. Good. I needed to hear that. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now bring on the crazy....

Mark meeting his grandchildren was a beautiful experience. He held them close, kissed them, chased them, spoiled them with little trinkets. It was when Jayce recognized his motorcycle that the real Jayce truly came out. Jayce giggled and squealed, and Mark found his ‘little buddy’ in Jayce immediately. Jayce was in love with his new found grandfather.

Addylee sat in my lap and watched with receptive eyes as Mark and Jayce interacted. It was as if she understood that Jayce needed this male companionship, if only for a little bit. Johanna came out Mark’s house with his girlfriend, Louisa, carrying a tray a sandwiches and drinks.

“Mark has been talking about this for so long, I am so glad you are finally here Brandi.” Louisa reached out and patted my knee.

“Me too, Jayce is having a blast. He looks thrilled to be here.” Cue high pitched squeal in background as motorcycle is being revved up.

Jay laughed then rolled her eyes. “We are going to hear about that motorcycle for the next week you know.”

I laughed and helped Addy with her sandwich. She smacked my hands away, letting me know she ‘could do it’ and made one for me, and for herself.

The boys eventually came to join us and we ate and chatted for awhile. The twins kept everyone laughing with their three year old dribble and theories. Pictures were taken and memories made.

Mark took us around the back of the house near a pond, where he had a old tire swing hanging from a tree. The twins sat on the swing ‘spider’ style and Mark spun them, and spun them. I was casually taking pictures and chit chatting with Louisa about the May weather, when we heard a car coming up the gravel drive.

“Are we expecting more company Mark?” Louisa asks.

“No? Not to my knowledge.” Mark steps away from the tire swing and the twins ‘boo' in unison. Mark disappears behind the house with Louisa.

“Mommy! Come push us faster!” Addylee begs me.

I laugh and just prayed neither of their lunches made a reappearance. I pushed them higher and the childish giggles return.

I hear arguing in thick British accents, but me not being able to understand a lick of it, continue to mind my own business. I see Jay look panicked. She looks at me and tells me “Brandi, stay here. I will be right back.” She quickly takes off to the front of the house.

“Mommy what’s wrong with Mimi?” Jayce asks as I slow down the swing, letting it slowly spin in circles.

“I am not sure baby. Just sit here a minute okay?” I ask, the twins nod in agreement.

I walk to the front of the house and spy an Audi and immediately I can feel the bile start to rise in my throat. _‘Oh god. No.’_ I panic myself.

I walk along the side of the house, and I hear gruff, reprimanding whispers in, but its too late. I see him. He is leaning up against his car. Arms crossed over his chest, concern on his face. Dressed in a red and white plaid shirt, tight jeans, and black leather boots. I gasp, my breath giving away my spying.

Harry. He’s here. Why is he here? He is suppose to be in Milan. No. Wait. That’s Louis. Right? Jesus. Where the hell was Harry suppose to be?

He looks up at me and parts through Mark and Louisa, Jay trying to stop him from coming any closer. He has a deep look of sadness in his eyes. He comes right to me and takes me in his arms. Wrapping his arms around my waist tightly, he holds me and whispers apologies in my ears in his thick raspy slurs. I don’t know what to do. I’m paralyzed. I’m scared. But, it feels wonderful to be held again. I wrap my arms back around him, and I feel the tension in him slowly fade away. The tears start to come, but I refuse to cry. I won’t cry. Harry’s weeping mess enough for the both of us.

“Brandi… you have no idea, no idea, how long I have waited to run into you. To talk to you. I have pictured this moment in my mind over and over again, what I would say to you, how I would apologize, what I would say to you, and now it all seems so trivial.” He looks at me, trying to wipe the tears from eyes, but refusing to let go.

“You could have called. I was never mad at you. You know that.”’ I whisper.

“I know that. I just couldn’t. It was too hard. Too many hard feelings. Too much drama. It was just.. impossible.” He looked so sad. It broke my heart. He had truly suffered. Why? He had no reason to have suffered. He was an innocent bystander who watched his best friend make ignorant mistake after mistake.

My heart softened. Harry was a good guy trying to take the responsibility for something he had no control over. Johanna was crying, Louisa crying. Mark sniffling. I laughed. They looked at me like I had lost it.

“Well aren’t we a sad lot?” I smiled and motioned for Jay to come into Harry’s circle. She laughed and cried at the same time and hugged hard.

As if on cue, a scream from the backyard commenced.

“JAYCE! Put it DOWN! Now!” Addy screams.

I sighed and Harry smiled down at me.

“Would you like to meet your niece and nephew?” I ask, scared. I had never pictured this moment, honestly, with Harry. But I liked where it was going.

“I have been dreaming of this moment.” Harry grinned, his dimple deep. Ironic, almost.

Jay leads the way around the back of the house and I look over to see Mark looking slightly relieved I wasn’t going absolutely ballistic that Harry was at his house. He had no idea Harry was in the in the country, how would I have known. Forgive and Forget.

“Jayce, down! Put it down!’ Addy screams again and has a stick trying to keep Jayce away from her. Jayce has a little green lizard trying to put it on Addylee’s skirt. Jayce is rolling in laughter.

“It’s just a baby! He won’t bite! Oww! Ouch! He bit me!” Jayce drops the lizard causing Addylee to throw a screaming fit because she can’t see where the lizard went.

“Mommy!” Addy screams again and takes off running towards me, ending in a dead holt. She looks at Harry confused, then back at me. Then back at Harry. She stands in front of us, hands on hips, defiant.

“Unka Harry? Is that you?” She asks, squinting in the sun.

Harry laughs and chokes a little. Surprised she even knows who he is. But like I said. We never kept it a secret from the twins who their family was. I hear Jay do a small whimper.

“I might be Uncle Harry, but who are you?’ He bends down on one knee to get eye level with the three year old. Harry has always been amazing with kids. Mine, no exception.

“I’m Addylee Tomlinson,” she flirts, “And you’re my Unka Harry!” She giggles and throws herself into his arms. He laughs and hugs her tight and she kisses him on the cheek. “Jayce!! Jayce come here! It's Unka Harry!” Addy waves over to Jayce. Jayce’s eyes light up and he come running, no longer intrigued by the missing lizard.

“Unka Harry?!” Jayce throws himself in Harry’s arms causing Harry to rock and laugh out loud.

“So you must be Jayce?” Harry distances himself away from the twins to get a better look at them. Jayce grins and nods.

“Are you done singing to make the people happy?” Jayce asks. Harry looks over at me confused. I take over.

“No baby, He still has sing to make people happy. He just had to come home for a little bit.” I pray we can change the conversation.

“Oh.” Jayce looks sad for a second but that quickly changes.

“You look similar me when I was your age.” Harry tells Jayce, “That’s a good thing. Very good looking.” Harry winks at Jayce. “And you are the most beautiful little girl I have ever seen!” He kisses Addy on the cheek and she giggles. She already knows this, but confirmation is always nice.

Louisa offers Harry a sandwich which he gladly accepts and we try to catch up the best we can without people prying. I can tell Harry wants to talk to me, as much as I want to talk to him, but without the parents watching and listening. So we keep it muted, and friendly. Basic information to keep conversation going. I find out he is home because he is ‘Nan Edna’s favorite in the band’ and had no intention of missing her birthday.

The sun is beginning to set and the twins begin to get irritable and groggy. Johanna is ready to get home due to tomorrow being her day spend all day cooking for Nan’s or ‘Nan Edna”’ birthday party. Harry helps me load the twins into Johanna’s car.

We say our goodbyes with hugs, kisses and promises. Harry pulls Jay aside and nods his head towards me. She nods in agreement and gets in the car. Harry pulls my purse out of Johanna’s car and puts it in his.

“What are you doing?” I ask concerned, arms crossing over my chest.

“We need to talk. I am driving you home.” Harry states as a fact, not to be questioned. 

“I’m not sure, but pretty positive I am going a different direction than you are.” I laughed.

“I like to drive. I haven’t drove in awhile. Besides, its only 25 minutes out of the way.” He smiled.

He opens the door for me and I plop down in the little 2 door Audi coupe.

“This is cute. How long have you had this car?” I ran my hands along the dash board. 

“Uhm.. Just a couple months. Why?” He looks at me, while putting the car in reverse.

“I think I would look better driving it, than you.” I grinned. He snorts.

“Yea, your not driving my car.” He acknowledges.

“We will see.” I smile. He rolls his eyes.

He makes an attempt at casual conversation, but I know its not what he wants to talk about. Boring crap- ‘What do you drive now, are you still in Texas, still at the hospital, any dogs?’

“Harry, skip the crap. What do you want to ask me? Just get it out.” I ask.

“Are you seeing anyone?” He asks. Well, not the question I was expecting.

“I.. no.. I tried. But when men find out you’re a single mom with two 3 years olds, Kinda narrows down the playing field. I basically quit trying after the last one told me to call him when my kids graduated high school.” I laughed, jokingly.

He looked at me, sadly. “Someone seriously said that to you? That’s the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard! Who in their right mind would say something so rude?” His tone changes to aggravation. 

“Probably you? Hah. I guess I am use to men being rude to me by now. Seriously! Who could deny a woman with boobs as great as mine!” I stuck my chest out a little trying to make a divergence, a little shocked by his response to my joke.

He smirked at me, “That I do not know.”

We talked for a good 30 minutes eventually arriving at Jay’s before Jay got there with the kids. Louis was never once mentioned in the car. I think neither of us knew how to approach the subject.

Harry unlocked the front door of Johanna’s house and we went in and sat on the couch and waited for her car to pull in the drive. When she did, Harry helped me with Jayce, while I carried Addy to bed. Johanna carried herself to bed, and told me and Harry not to rush.

We went back downstairs and sat on the couch.

“They are really beautiful. You did an amazing job. Louis really missed out. We all did.” He said the ‘L’ word finally. Harry frowned.

“Yes, he did. But Jay, she didn’t. She will never have any regrets. I can live with that and so can she. Louis will have to live with his decisions. You will have to live with your decisions, too. But you can change that now. This very moment. You can make amends. Those two babies, they met you for the very first time today, and already have loved you enough for a lifetime. I think you felt that when they hugged you, kissed you, and told you they loved you tonight.”

Harry looked at me, his eyes glistening again. "It’s just not that easy. Louis is my best friend. My brother-”

“Don’t pull that on me. I don’t want to hear the he’s my better half, my soul mate crap. I could careless. You have something else to live for now. I am giving you this opportunity to show Jayce and Addylee that, ‘Hey! Even though I missed the first three years of your life, I promise I will never miss another second from here on out!’ Harry! Can’t you do that? Can you just for once, put someone else in front of yourself, and Louis, of all people? Jayce and Addy are your legacy now. They are your future. What you do, will make an impact in their lives forever. Don’t you want to be apart of something bigger than yourself?” I pleaded.

Harry put his head in his hands then leaned back on the couch. I could tell his emotions were getting the better part of him and he was torn in so many directions. His loyalty was to his family , his best mates. It would always be to his family. But this was treading new territory. Dangerous, lose your best friend and brother territory. But, then again, Jayce and Addy were his family and he owed them so much more than he could give.

He looked at me in desperation, not knowing what to say. Frustration pinned on his face, he stood up and paced the room. I just looked at him.

“You are asking me to choose between Louis and my niece and nephew.” Harry looked at me sadly.

“No! Harry! You aren’t listening! I would never say or make you come to that ultimatum! I am asking you to be a part of Jayce and Addylee’s life! That’s it! I am not asking you to sacrifice your love for Louis! If you have to run around and see the twins in secret, fine, whatever, that’s your prerogative. But, I am telling you now, you have to be a part of their lives! From this day on, you cannot back out now! And I can see it's killing you, right now, how much you want to be a part of their lives.”

“That’s not it at all Brandi. I promise you, from this day on, I will be a part of the twins lives. Forever. I have tried to take care of them from afar! I sent you money! I know you got it. Jay said you cashed the checks.”

“Wait- what? You sent money? I thought..” I flustered.

“You thought it was Louis?” He frowned.

“I guess, I had hoped. Just a little. Why would I have assumed it was you? You never once tried to make contact with me.” I sighed.

“I just.. I don’t know how to explain. It was easier not to talk to you. I was so angry with you myself! That you just left! You left me! I wanted to help you. I could have helped you. I wanted to be there for you. I had to do what I could. Damnit, Brandi. I don’t know how to explain it!” Harry threw his arms up and rested them on his head.

I was so confused. I didn’t understand where he was going with this.

“Why were you mad at me? I was kicked out! I was thrown out like a rag doll!” Where the hell was this going? Why is he getting mad at me?

“Brandi.. Please don’t make me say it.” Harry begged me. 

“Say what Harry? I am obviously not reading between the lines here.” Confusion on my face.

He sat on the couch beside me and took my face in his hands, running his thumb over my lip.

_‘Oh.. This cannot be good.’_

“Brandi, I wanted you. I always have. Wanted you from afar. Having to watch you with Louis, day in and day out. You two, so in love with each other nearly killed me. But I dealt with it. Louis finally in love. I should have been happy. But I was overrun with jealousy! I wanted you for myself! Jayce and Addy! Jayce and Addy should be my Jayce and Addy! You should have chose me, Brandi. I never would have abandoned you. I never would have kicked you out. Never would have left you, ever. You would have been my everything.” He pressed his forehead against mine, kissed my cheek, kissed my nose. He pulled back.

I just sat there. Eyes wide. Heart racing. Slightly dizzy.

“What?” He asked innocently.

“Why did you say that?” My face flustered, emotions all over the place. 

“Because it’s true. It’s all true.” He whispered.

“Harry.. No.. you’re just.. You were confused. Yea. I am pretty sure you were confused back then. You confused right now. You’re emotional and you’re saying things you don’t mean.” _Right? What the hell is going on here?_

“You’re kidding? I just told you my deepest, darkest secret. One that ate me up for years, and you just throw it away to me being emotional?” Harry looked irritated.

“No, I am not throwing it away. I just think its funny how _NOW_ you think is the best time to tell me! Three years ago would have been a whole hell of a lot better!” I argued.

“You’re right! It would have been. But I was ignorant. Scared. And I had no right to interfere with Louis and you. I had to let it be.” Harry chewed on his lip, uncertainty on his face. 

“Oh god. Harry. This is insane. This.. This is crazy! Your crazy!” I stood up, needing to get out of this room, away from him.

“When I saw you today, all those feeling came rushing back!’ Harry smiled at me.

“Now your just flirting.” I frowned and turned around. 

“No. Well. Maybe.” His eyes searched mine. He stood up, nearly a full foot taller than me and ducked his face down to mine. He looked me in the eyes. God. Not the eyes. My weakness. My absolute weakness. Big blue-green eyes. He licked his lips, making his lip’s glisten, causing my eye to instantly to focus on them. Stupid lips. Stupid fucking lips. I could feel my breath coming faster. He’s face was getting closer to mine, he turned his head slightly to get the perfect angle. I closed my eyes. Our lips met.

_Jesus._

His hands went to my hair to pull my face closer to him, to pull me closer. A growl came from his throat. His tongue moved across my lower lip, teasing me to open a little wider. I greedily obliged. His tongue flicked lightly against mine, and it was almost to much for me. This had to stop. We have to stop. I try to pull away, but he grabs my hips and tries to bring me closer to his lap. But I haven’t kissed a man in so long!

“No.. Harry. We have to stop.” I get out, breathless.

He sighs, kisses the corner of my mouth and then along my jaw line, down my neck.

“Harry..” I plead.

“You don’t want me to stop.” He whispers in my ear.

“You need to go.” I whisper back. He pulls away from me.

“Are you serious, Brandi. We’re just getting started!” He groans.

“Yeah. Dead serious.” I try to regain my composure. Grasping, what just happened, pulling myself off him.

“Fine.. But I will be back in the morning. And we will continue this.” He grabs my chin, “sweet dreams.”

One last kiss before he leaves. One more problem to add to my list.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Insert Louis. :D

The next morning Jay and I went to the grocery store alone, leaving Dan to deal with the twins when they awoke.

We walked the aisles grabbing random cooking items that we were going to need for Edna’s birthday party. Johanna talked about her family, her brothers and sisters, their children, her cousins, her aunts and uncles, and the list went on. I listened half-heartedly knowing that even when I met these people, I still would have no clue who they were.

“Is it wrong to put 90 candles on a cake?” Johanna laughed.

“No. Not at all! Unless you want to see your own grandmother collapse from lack of oxygen at her birthday party.” I laughed with her. We bought a number 9 and 0 candle, thinking this would solve our lack-of-oxygen dilemma and carried on through the store.

“So what did you and Harry discuss last night?” She asked nonchalantly, trying to look busy between two types of flour.

“Lots of stuff. You know, he apologized of course. He loves Jayce and Addylee. We talked about the twins a lot. Talked about Louis very little, which was nice. Did you know he wanted to be the father of my children?” I asked directly at her, making her drop a bag of flour of the floor. A poof of white dust flew up around us.

“WHAT?” Jay coughed out, choking on the thick, white air. I stepped back trying to swat the white flour out of the air and off my jeans and smirked.

“What? Brandi! Seriously!” She pushed her buggy through the mess she just made. “Why did he say that? Brandi wait! Come here!” She quickly followed me as I tried to find someone to clean up our mess. Well, her mess. I found a stock boy and explained to him the mess Jay made. He rolled his eyes and grumpily walked off to go get the cleaning supplies. Jay grabbed my arm and demanded, “Why did he say that?”

“I have no idea! I am just as lost as you are! He told me he wanted me, too. That he has always loved me. That the twins should have been his babies. Then he kissed me. But, it wasn‘t like a ‘I‘ve missed you so much kiss‘ more like a ‘lets get it on kiss.‘”

“That idiot, stupid boy!” Jay stamped her foot, “Always having to complicate things! I knew I should have left my door open!” I looked at her strangely, like the other patrons in the store looking at her foot stamping.

“What would have leaving your door open accomplished?” I asked.

“Its always been a rule in our house. If my door is open, no kissing!” She frowned, then laughed.

“And if your door is closed?” I pushed.

“No kissing!” She threw her hands up and laughed harder. 

“That makes no sense!” I laughed with her.

“I cannot believe he did that. I swear. That boy was raised better. Do you think he meant it? He never once ever mentioned it to any of us. Not me at least. He never would have told Louis.” She added as an after thought. 

“Like I said. I have no idea. He’s Harry. Flirting is what he does best.”

“Yea.. But you're Brandi. The mother of his best friend’s children. It doesn’t seem right. I am going to talk to him.” She decided. 

“NO! Don’t! I am coming to you as a best friend! Not as his band mother and a tattle-tale! This is between me and you. I will take care of this on my own. He has to know better. He is the uncle. And that’s it. Nothing more.” I smiled. Proud of my conclusion.

***************************************************

Back at the house, chaos in sued. Addylee, the littlest chef, took it upon herself to crack a half dozen eggs into one bowl when no one was paying her any attention. So proud of her accomplishment, she brought the bowl to Johanna and showed her. The bowl was full of yolk, whites, and shells. Johanna nearly had a stroke, and sent Dan and Jayce to the store to get more eggs. Addy was put on M&M candy color separation to keep her occupied.

Harry showed up around lunch, much to Jayce and Addylee’s pleasure. My goal was to ignore him until he apologized, but his mother made sure to mortify him at all opportunities.

“So.. Harry. Did you and Brandi have a good talk last night?” She asked kneading bread on the counter.

“Yup.” He held a spoon to Addy to let her lick the batter off. Addy giggled and stuck her finger in the bowl. Harry licked the batter off Addy’s finger, causing her a fit of giggles, making him smile.

“And what did you talk about?” Prying. Lord Jesus make her stop. I sat on my stool spreading cream cheese on a tortilla roll for finger food.

“Stuff, Jay. Stuff. It was a good talk.” He looked over at me and smiled, then winked. I rolled my eyes and stabbed my cream cheese, hoping he would get my meaning. He arched his eyebrows at me, confused.

Johanna started to beat her bread. Harry looked at her concerned, then back at me, like he was missing the point somewhere.

“Jay. What’s wrong?” Harry asked concerned, finally.

“You k-i-s-s-i-n-g Brandi is my problem!” She spelled out so Addy wouldn’t catch on.

“What? Brandi!” Harry looked over at me flabbergasted, “You told her?” He groaned, his head landed on the marble on the counter top.

“I- no! You knew the rules! She forgot to leave the door open anyways! It’s her fault! She was prying!” I continued to spread the cream cheese with more determination.

Always place blame elsewhere.

Harry snorted. That had been my motto for years.

“Well, Harry! What do you have to say for yourself?” Johanna quit beating the bread.

“I don’t have anything to say, Jay. We were having a moment. It felt right at the time. But I think we have both slept on it, and we know better now.’ He looked over at me for help.

“See? I agree. I told her the same thing.” I silently pleaded with Jay, hoping she would not bring up the rest of the conversation we had at the store.

Johanna picked up her dough and sighed. “Very well, but from now on, my door stays open when you two are together.” Harry and I laughed simultaneously. Johanna smiled. I could tell she was just glad to have one of the boy’s home, and this opportunity with her grandchildren. I hoped, Harry was true to his part of the conversation.

Addy looked up at Harry and tugged on his curl. “Unka Harry, can we ride in your fast car?” She smiled sweetly.

“No Addy. Your too little.” I reminded her.

“Of course you can!” Harry grabbed her and plopped her on his shoulders.

“Yes!” Addy squealed and I groaned.

I followed Harry out and nagged him on booster seat rules, weight rules, front seat rules, in 2 seat cars. He knew more than me and stole Jay's booster seat from her car and placed it in his Audi.

“We are just going around the block. I won’t go fast. In fact. I will stay on the side roads where you have to go 20 or less.” Harry patted my shoulder.

I bit my lip and kissed my child. “No music on Harry! No distractions! Turn your phone off!” I started barking orders. He rolled his eyes, and I saw the look of glee in Addy’s eyes as she heard Harry turn the car on and rev up the engine. I knocked on the window and he rolled down the window.

“What now Brandi? The phone is on silent, radio is off. Kid is buckled in.” He went over my checklist.

“Let me get my phone! She is so cute when she is happy like that!” I ran back in the house and grabbed my phone and ran back out. Addy was out of her booster seat and sitting in Harry’s lap. He was letting her turn the wheel and play with the turn signals. She was laughing manically. She was a car girl. Jayce was a motorcycle boy.

Harry and Addylee posed for me. He held her close while her little arms wrapped tightly around his neck, cheek pressed to his cheek, smiling widely. My heart swelled seeing her as happy as she was. She was perfection in my eyes. I snapped a picture of her trying to turn the wheel and laughed again when Harry revved up the engine. He buckled her back and they took off. I prayed for their safe return. I went back in the house and looked for Jayce. He was with Dan, as usual. Dan was showing him how to hold a guitar and I snapped my camera. My kids were happy. That’s all that matters to me.

Dinner came quickly and Johanna was exhausted and not in the mood to cook. Harry offered to drive us all in to town to eat, and everyone eagerly obliged. We loaded up into Dan’s SUV and went. We went to an Italian restaurant I won’t even try to pronounce. Harry casually flirted with our waitress, as expected. Addylee ordered cheese raviolis, Jayce spaghetti with meatballs.

“I cannot believe you let him eat that messy stuff.” Harry looked at me.

“It’s a meatball on a child‘s platter. Not exactly a 14oz sirloin.”

“The point is, he is young. He is going to have sauce all over the place.” Harry said all-knowingly.

“Uhm. If you didn’t notice my children were born and raised in Texas. We have cows in our back yard, chickens on the porch, and pigs in the barn. My children will make a mess with whatever they eat.. Always.” I smiled at Jayce and cut up his noodles and meatballs.

“I like meatballs Unka Harry. Want one?” Jayce stabbed half a meatball and handed him his fork.

“No thank you buddy.” Harry said and picked at his own food. Harry bent down and whispered in Jayce’s ear, causing Jayce to laugh, and say “No! no!” and laugh more.

“Yes! Do it!” Harry encouraged. I looked over at Jayce who was grinning ear to ear and he nodded.

“Do what Jayce?” I asked

“Nuffin, Mommy.” He smiled then laughed at Harry, again.

The waitress came back to refill our drinks and Harry encouraged him again, “Now!”

Jayce laughed and asked the waitress, “Hey sexy lady? I have a booster seat with your name on it.” Jayce choked out, laughing with Harry.

I covered my mouth, mortified, and Jay went off on reprimanding Harry, Dan cracking up. Addylee was confused and continued eating.

Jayce leaned over to smack the waitress on her butt, only for his booster seat to slide off the chair, causing him to fall out of the chair onto the waitress, who in turn, lost a hold of her tea pitcher, spilling all over Harry. Harry jumped up off his chair, doing the “freezing cold drink in my pants” dance, while Jay and I commenced the laughing at Harry this time.

“Karma, Harry. Karma.” I laughed out loud and handed him my napkin and went to get my hysterically laughing child off the floor.

“Mommy that was so funny!” Jayce laughs, his face red. The waitress is panicking, and speaking fast, Dan is trying to calm her down, while she is trying to help dry off Harry’s pants.

“It’s okay, I got this.” Harry tries to dry his pants off on his own.

Johanna wipes the tears from her eyes from laughing. Out of nowhere, Addylee’s laughter bubbles out. We all turn and look at Addylee and she smiles.

“Your funny Unka Harry. You look like you peed your pants.” She and Jayce start laughing, so we join in, including Harry.

The ride home was full of Harry and Jayce reenactments. I warned Harry, to never prompt my child again, and in turn Johanna did the same, warning him to never prompt her grandson again. Jayce cackled and pointed at Harry for getting in trouble. Johanna sent Harry to his room when we got to the house, which caused the twins much pleasure, until they realized his room, was at his house.

I had the twins bathed and in bed before 9. A feat I rarely accomplish, but they were tuckered out. I sat out our clothes, ironed them, took my own bath and got ready for bed. Tomorrow was Grandma Edna’s birthday party, and she was the highlight of the party. But the twins would steal the show when we got there. They always do.

The next morning we loaded up the SUV and prepared for 1 ½ hr trek to wherever we were going. I was glad Harry was riding with us. He kept Addylee entertained, and I appreciated it. Today, Addylee let me curl her hair and she wore it down with a big bow on top of her head. She had always been a bow baby, so when I let her wear one, she knew it was a special occasion. Jayce was attempting to dress more and more like Harry, which had me vetoing his outfit of choice. He ended up wearing what I had picked out for him, but with assistance of Harry, he wore his jeans lower, 2 shirts and his hair spiked. He was “cool.”

**********************************************************

Louis took an red eye flight from Milan back to Doncaster. His grandmother’s birthday party was this afternoon, and he had every intention of making it. He was his grandmother’s favorite, after all. He figured he had just missed Harry, by the way the table was cluttered with wrapping paper. He quickly took a shower and got dressed. He hadn’t seen his whole family in a while and today was a special day. He was excited. He hopped in car and drove to his mother’s house hoping to catch her. Maybe she was still there and they could ride together.

Louis pulled up to his mother’s house and saw Harry’s Audi coupe and Johanna’s car, parked in the drive. Glad he had not missed then, he had hopped out of the car and went to the door. It was locked.

“Hmm?” He pulled out his key and unlocked the door and went in. No signs of life here.

“Mom? Harry? Girls? Ernie?” He calls out. No response. He walks into the living room and spots a small basket full of toys. A coloring book sitting on the coffee table, with crayons left out, as if someone left quickly. He walks through the kitchen to get to the laundry room, little people clothes are hanging up. He frowns, confused. He opens the laundry room door to the garage, and Dan’s SUV is gone.

_‘I missed them then.’_ He sighs and walks back to the living room back to the front door. As he walks to the door he spies something else curious on the stairs.

He picks up the small computer learning game. “Leap Frog?”

Officially, confused he walks by his old room, and gasps. Its been redone, with bunk beds. The covers are messed up on both bed, so somebody little is staying here. He bends down to the suitcases on the floor and sees them individually embroidered with “Jayce” and “Addylee.” His heart starts to race.

“This isn’t possible.” He says to himself. He looks around the room for confirmation, that he’s right, but its in front of his face. The toys. The clothes.

“Is she here?” He thinks aloud.

He stands up and walks to his old room, opening the door, he leans his head on the doorway. _‘No.’_ He closes his eyes, and takes in her scent from the door. ‘Brandi.’ He walks over to the bed and sits on it. Taking it all in, slowly. He spies her cell phone on the night stand and opens it. Texts from Harry, Mom, Julie. He closes the phone and puts it back.

He picks up her pillow and holds it to his chest. He brings the pillow to his face, takes a deep breath, and holds in her scent. His heart hurts. Three years of guilt come falling down on him in an instant. Memories crash over him in a tidal wave of emotions.

“What have I done?” He runs his hand over his face and shakes his head. “I can’t do this right now.”

He gets off the bed and walks back downstairs. Johanna’s door is opened. He never goes in there. Johanna’s room is sacred to her. It’s the one place she can keep… her pictures so he doesn’t have to see. He goes in.

It’s impressive. The amount of pictures. Everywhere. He walks to the wall with the large collage and his breath is taken from him.

These are his children. His beautiful children. His spitting image.

He smiles at a picture where Dan is holding Jayce at his 1st birthday party and has cake smeared all over his face and Dan’s. The next a picture of Addylee wearing a hot pink and black tutu with a tiara on, holding a magic wand over Dan’s sleeping head, the next picture where she he has hit him on the head with the wand to wake him up. He chuckles. Pictures of the twins fishing, dance recitals, temper tantrums.

More recent pictures scattered on the dresser and the desk with the twins running in a field, holding hands, and one of Jayce kissing Addylee on the cheek.

And then her. There she is. This must be recent, too. He picks up the 8x10 picture frame on the dresser. Brandi. In the picture, she is sitting in a field of green grass, big wild flowers behind her, sun setting. Brandi’s hair is down, lightly blowing in the wind. Jayce is standing beside her, smiling, his head resting on her shoulder, Addylee sitting opposite her, smiling. They are all dressed in white button down shirts, jeans and barefoot. It’s the most beautiful picture he has ever seen. Looking at Brandi intently, he smiles, He stares at the picture mesmerized. ‘This is my little family’ he thinks, proudly. Then realization sets in.

_‘This is my little family.’_

He puts the picture down and runs to the front door.

_‘I have to fix this.’_

He jumps in his car, and slams it into reverse, then to drive. He has an 1 ½ to think about what to say to her, what to say to his children. His heart pounds. But something just feels right about this.

*****************************************

 

So the last part was kinda inspired by a song. So I’m going to share with it with you!

 

One Republic- “Come Home”

__  
Hello world  
Hope you're listening  
Forgive me if I’m young  
For speaking out of turn  
There’s someone I’ve been missing  
I think that they could be  
The better half of me  
They’re in their own place  
Trying to make it right  
But I’m tired of justifying  
So I say you 

_Come home_  
Come home  
Cause I’ve been waiting for you  
For so long  
For so long  
And right now there's a war between the vanities  
But all I see is you and me  
The fight for you is all I’ve ever known  
So come home  
Ooh 

_I get lost in the beauty_  
Of everything I see  
The world ain’t as half as bad  
As they paint it to be  
If all the sons  
If all the daughters  
Stopped to take it in  
Well hopefully the hate subsides and the love can begin  
It might start now.  
Well maybe I’m just dreaming out loud  
Until then 

_Come home_  
Come home  
Cause I’ve been waiting for you  
For so long  
For so long  
And right now there's a war between the vanities  
But all I see is you and me  
The fight for you is all I’ve ever known  
Ever known  
So come home  
Ooh 

_Everything I can’t be_  
Is everything you should be  
And that’s why I need you here  
Everything I can’t be  
Is everything you should be  
And that’s why I need you here  
So hear this now 

_Come home_  
Come home  
Cause I’ve been waiting for you  
For so long  
For so long  
And right now there's a war between the vanities  
But all I see is you and me  
The fight for you is all I’ve ever known  
Ever known  
So come home  
Come home 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The mother of all chapters.

Edna was exactly what I expected. Lovely, charming, and kept me on my toes. If Betty White had a twin, it was Nan Edna. Jayce and Addylee fought for her attention, and she soaked every minute of it up. Jay’s dad, Leonard, or “Grandpa Len” was just as cute as could be. I loved them instantly.

The party was at Len and Edna’s house in the country, on a large plot of land with a small pond . The back yard had been turned into a central party zone. There were lights hanging, stringers, tables and chairs everywhere. A large deck was built to the back of house, that slightly resembled a stage from a certain direction. The weather was beautiful outside. The perfect May day. The smell of meat cooking on the pit was enticing.

Johanna’s sisters, Sadie and Katarine, were exceptionally pleasant, although at first, treated me like a broken toy. After much talking, we were quickly fast friends. Johanna’s brother, Willie, was kind and thoughtful. I was accepted into the family’s little circle.

Jayce and Addylee ran around chasing their new found cousins until red-faced and begging for drinks. Harry brought me a couple glasses of juice for the twins, which they quickly drank down, and took off for another round of tag.

“Not too bad huh?” Harry asked me, taking a sip of his beer.

“I never said it would be bad. I knew the kids would love this. Jay can’t catch them to show them off. But they will eventually tire out and she can torture them.” I smiled and watched as Jayce jumped from a pile of wood onto the ground, tumbling. I sighed.

Dan was put on music duty against his will and was your basic underpaid DJ for the event. He played all the old tunes from Edna and Len’s day, eventually playing some music we could recognized from the 50’s and 60’s. Jayce and Addy got on the deck with their aunts and cousins and tried to show the old folk, how you really twist.

I laughed heartily at my two little munchkins. Everyone’s eye was on them. I knew it. But I had done the best I could on my own. I think that it showed, I did pretty good. The twins were always happy, smiling. If you weren’t happy, or smiling, they would do anything in their power to make it so. I grabbed my camera to take pictures of them dancing. I didn’t want to miss a minute of their happiness. Addylee grabbed her ‘Unka Harry’ and he danced with her the best he could, eventually resulting in his ridiculous arm dance when he couldn’t do the ‘Twist.’ Nan Edna danced with Jayce. I laughed, snapping the camera.

********************************************************

Louis arrived slightly later than he expected. He detoured, of course, giving himself extra time to think of what to say, but never talking himself out of it. He tried to call Harry, but it went to voicemail. _‘Maybe that was best. Surprise is best. If she knows I am coming, she will leave immediately.’_ He thought.

He pulled onto the dirt road and saw all the cars parked at his grandparents house. His pulse began to quicken. There, was Dan’s SUV. He pulled up behind it, blocking it in. Just in case, this went bad. He got out of the car, and spied a couple of his cousins. They walked over to him and exchanged hugs. They looked at him funnily, pretty sure he wasn’t suppose to be here.

“I took a redeye back. Didn’t want to miss this at all.” His smiled reassured them. They shifted, uncomfortable, not really sure what to say.

His cousin David finally spoke up, “You were not suppose to be here Louis. Please, don’t make a scene.”

Taken aback, Louis offered, “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Your ex. She’s here. She brought your kids. It was all Nan wanted for her birthday, and Aunt Johanna made sure she got it. Don’t ruin this for her. You’ve never even met your kids. Why are you choosing today of all days?” David looked overly concerned to Louis. 

Louis’s face reddened, suddenly feeling the urge to explain himself to someone. “Because I need to prove to my family, I have changed. And that’s my family over there. I have never met my children, but I have too. My heart is demanding for me to know them. Now. They deserve to know what a coward I am. They deserve the right to choose if they want me in their lives or not. And I would appreciate it, if you would back me up! Because I just might be making the biggest fucking mistake of my life, and my kids!” Louis' world came tumbling down. His feelings going ninety to nothing.

“Woah, woah. Louis. Louis.” David put his hands on Louis shoulder. “I back you up, cuz. I am with you 110%. I have your back. But when your old lady kicks you in the balls, I’m outta here.” David laughed and smacked Louis on the back. Louis looked up confused, then frightened. He was 100% sure Brandi could kick his ass. 

“Go get ‘em!” David pushed him, “I’m right behind you!”

Louis walked forward, with David trailing behind him. He paced his steps, not wanting to look scared, or too eager. He walked around the large fence leading to the back yard. There was too many people here. In clutters, some hanging around the pond fishing, others sitting and eating, family gathered around the pit giving cooking advice, family dancing.

Then, there she is, dancing with Grandpa Len to “Don‘t be Cruel“ by Elvis. He stood there watching, unsure of himself. She was beautiful. More beautiful than he remembered. She was his world at some point. She still is honestly. His breath hitched, and his heart began to race. He had prepared for this the whole way here, and now it was all gone. The very sight of her made him want to reevaluate what he was doing. He should just rush to her and collapse. Or he could turn back and head to the car. He saw the twins on the deck dancing with Harry and Edna. But those babies were the other reason he was here. His heart swelled with pride as he saw the two munchkins dancing, careless and free. David, stood beside Harry and nudged him. Louis looked over at him, panic in his eyes.

“It’s now or never little cuz.” David encouraged, no jokes at all in his voice.

Louis stepped around the side of the house where one of his sister Lottie instantly spied him. She quickly kissed him and hugged him, and realized what was fixing to happen when he barely acknowledged her.

“Louis. No. Please” She tugged on his arm as he walked away from her. Lottie turned and ran in the house to find Johanna.

Everyone was slowly starting to realize that Louis had made his presence at the party. Everyone except for those around the deck and speakers blaring the old music. They stopped and stared, unsure of what was fixing to happen. Everyone knew the Louis vs. Brandi story. What was about to unfold?

Louis stood still, paralyzed. Harry looked up from Addy, and the color drained from his face. He quickly turned Addy around him, so Addy couldn’t see Louis. Grandpa Len spun Brandi and she laughed. The music was too loud, annoying, a distraction. Louis wanted to run, but he his legs wouldn’t move. Harry looked over at Dan, and Dan looked green with panic, too.

Johanna came running out of the house with her daughters on her heels.

“Louis! No! Please!” She yelled.

Brandi looked up at the sound of his name. A look of surprise on her face. A look of betrayal, hurt and anger. She looked from Jay, to Harry, back to Louis.

It was too late.

No running now.

**********************************************************

I paused and let go of Len. _Louis. ‘No.’_ My heart stopped and I walked towards him. I don’t know where my legs are taking me, but it’s in the direction of Louis. I feel eyes burning into my body. Everyone is watching the show.

_Louis._

I stand in front of him. He’s beautiful. He always has been. But something has changed. He looks heartsick. He opens his mouth to speak but nothing comes out.

_Speechless._

 

It’s what he always made me.

We stand in front of each other, just staring. Blue eyes on blue, measuring each other up. Three years of not speaking, three years of pain, and hurt being shed by the stare down between us.

His legs start to give out from under him, and he grabs me. I reach out to catch him, scared he is going to faint from the lack of breathing he is doing. He drops to his knees and puts his head on my stomach and lets out a breathless, choked sob. He starts to cry and grabs my waist. He runs his forehead across my stomach and looks up at me. Perfection, his face, his eyes. I run my hands through his hair, and he places his face back on my leg and sobs. He just needs to cry. I think we all do, but Louis needs this chance. He can cry all he wants.

I need to see him suffering. It heals my heart.

Johanna stands back and I hear her crying now. I look over and see her being held by her Lottie and Fizzy. They, too, are crying. I look around. Everyone is.

But me.

Louis gently tugs on my jeans and I fall to my knees. Now I am eye level with him. Again, blue eyes on blue. I feel weak. He does this too me. He makes me feel… sensational when I know I am in control.

I try to turn my head to keep from falling into the pit. He places his hands on my cheeks to keep me looking at him and then runs his hands through my hair. He pulls me close to his face, our foreheads pressed together. He continues to weep, and whispers to me,“I never stopped. I never stopped loving you. I think of you daily… hourly. Every minute. You have always been in my heart. You are my heart. I love you. I love you so much, my heart hurts. I have been so lost without you. I needed you with every breath I take.”

I close my eyes. This is not what I expect. This is not the reunion I have pictured in my mind for years now. This is not the beating I have replayed over and over in my mind. This is… so much better. This is… I don’t even know.

“You broke my heart.” I say softly. “You threw me out on the street like piece of trash, Louis. You took my spirit and crushed it like I had none. It took every fiber of my being to live again. But I did. I have two reason’s to live again. And I will give you, two reasons too live again.”

Overwhelmed, he nods his head, and continues to rub my lips with his thumb. His blue eyes crystal clear and bloodshot. I feel everything moving in slow motion… I take a deep breath. Praying I don’t regret this…

I kiss him. Yes. I kiss him. He is taken aback. He didn’t expect it either. But I just need to know. If that spark, if that tingle that runs down my back and catches in my side, is still there.

It is. My body betray me.

He kisses me hard. Not caring who is watching. He kisses are skilled, wet, and needy. I pull back, winded with kisses.

“Not two reasons. Three. I will give up everything for you. Jayce and Addylee. I promise. You are my world. I cannot do this alone anymore. I will make up for lost time.” He looks me in the eye again, his eyes pleading for me to understand. He presses his forehead against mine again. 

“I don’t want you to give up everything. I just want you to be there. Jayce and Addylee need you.” I whisper.

His face drops, “I want you to need me too.”

“I want to need you, too. But we have to be there for Jayce and Addy first. We come last now.” I looked at him. He nodded. He kissed me lightly on the lips again and looked up. Jayce and Addylee were holding tightly onto Harry.

"Can I meet them?" He asked timidly, unsure of my response to come. I nodded, holding my breath and looked over to my babies, smiling weakly. Louis wiggled his finger for them to “Come here.” They quickly sprinted from Harry to Louis.

They jumped in Louis arms and he held them tight. Kissing each, on the cheek and laughing. Now, was my turn to cry. Now I sobbed, my vision blurred, wiping tears from my eyes so I could see.

“Daddy I missed you.” Jayce hold’s tight to Louis’s neck.

Louis smiles, and runs his hand over Jayce’s spiked hair. “I think I missed you more.” Jayce giggles and kisses Louis.

“Daddy where’s your microphone?” Addylee runs her fingers over Louis face, learning him.

Louis looks over at me, surprised. I suppose he didn’t think I ever showed the twins pictures of him. I didn’t have to. Johanna always took care of that. I would thank her later.

“I left it at home. Too hot to be singing, Addylee. Where is your makeup?” He jokes and kisses her on the nose She snickers and says, “Mommy won’t let me where makeup. Only lip gloss. See?” She puckers her lips. He kisses her lips and she hugs him hard.

“You need to tell Mommy to let me where makeup.” She suggests.

Louis chortles. “Mommy, let Addylee wear makeup.”

“Louis. She’s 3.” I remind him.

“The perfect age to start.” He smiles at me and Addylee tugs on him to stand up.

Harry walks over and hugs Louis.

“Glad you could make it. What happened to the football game in Milan?” Harry asks.

“I took an earlier flight to get here. If you would have answered you phone, you would have known that, I was on my way.” Louis stated irritatingly. I glared at Harry and he shrugged as he checked his phone.

Jayce and Addylee pulled Louis in separate directions causing him to laugh, and do a fake “Owww.” The twins laugh. God must have had a sense of humor that day. Looking at Louis with Jayce and Addylee caused me a significant amount of pain. He just jumped into the roll of daddy and took over. Like he was born to be a father. It was irritating and satisfying at the same time. 

“I need a drink.” I look over at Harry. He smiles at me and says “On it.”

Johanna comes over to me and holds me. She is smiling. Big.

“What?” I ask her.

“Nothing.”

“You knew he was coming?” I ask. I knew she didn’t. Just needed confirmation.

“No! Brandi! I had no idea. I swear it. I was just as surprised as you! But, I am glad he did. That was soap opera worthy. Great kiss by the way.” She elbowed me. I snort.

“Stop it. That was not my intention at all.” I look over to where Louis is. He is with his grandparents, showing off Jayce and Addylee, holding on tight.

“What were your intentions?” She inquires.

“To punch his teeth in.”

“Brandi!” She looks at me shocked. Then laughed. 

“Well you asked.” I shrugged my shoulders.

She laughed again and took my arm. We watched Louis interact with the twins like he had never missed a moment with them. They acted so natural with him it was uncanny. He had always been good with children.

Harry brought me a beer which I sniffed. “What is this?”

“It’s lager. Just try it.” I took a swig, and choked it down.

“This is terrible. It tastes like dirt. If I wanted to drink dirt I would go eat mud pies with Jayce.” I handed it back to him.

He rolls his eyes and takes the glass, “Well then I cannot help you. Want some wine?”

“Yes. Please. Preferably something that doesn’t taste like ass.”

“You’ve tasted ass?” He raises his eye brow.

“Shut up.” I rolled my eyes and shooed him off. 

Jay sits her mother at table and we all gather around, Harry at my side, his arm around my shoulder. Louis looks over at me, questioningly and I divert my eyes, focus on my wine.

The cake is brought to Edna while they sing ‘Happy Birthday.’ The twins love it, but sing in Texas accents, causing Grandma Edna to laugh. Jayce and Addy help Edna blow out her candles and she kisses them.

Edna gives her birthday speech, which I assume is a ritual. It’s very personal, and deep, so I just sit and listen. Everyone listens quietly as she talks, and people start to sniff, wipe their eyes, and raise their glasses. Then she says, looking directly at me, “and to my new granddaughter, Brandi, and my great-great grandchildren, Jayce and Addylee, thank you for being with me on this very special day. And for not killing my grandson, Louis.” She winks, and smiles causing everyone to laugh and say ‘Cheers.’

I laugh. Bless her.

I stand up to go make Addylee and Jayce a plate to eat. Johanna has them sit down, which they eagerly fight over who will sit next to Daddy. Louis sits down between them, and the bickering ends. He smiles, enjoying all the attention he gets from his kids. I place their plates down and they greedily chow down, slapping at Louis as he tries to munch of their plates. Harry brings me a plate of food, which causes Louis to look at Harry curiously, again. I look away, ignoring the obvious death glare from Louis to Harry.

Harry never noticing, begins to cut up his food, while Louis continues to stare at him down.

I try to bring up a conversation like, “How was Milan?”

“Great.” Louis continues to stare at Harry, who is still unaware. He glances back at me when Harry takes a stab into my salad and nibbles on it. Louis raises his eyebrows suspiciously at Harry, frustration edged on his face.

“You did a charity football game?” I ask trying to divert the death glare.

“Yes.” Fed up with Harry’s lack of paying attention to him, Louis kicks Harry under the table. Harry jumps and rubs his shin.

“Ouch damnit. Louis. What was that for?!” Harry whines. 

“Look at me when I am looking at you!” Louis snaps.

“What? What the hell for? What’s wrong with you?” Harry looks over at him confused.

Louis cuts his eyes and leans back in his chair. “Nothing. Harry. I’m watching you Harry. Watch it.”

“Uh. Okay?” Harry looks over at me and smiles, catching on to why Louis is being an ass. _Great. Provoke Louis more. You idiot._ I roll my eyes and focus on my glass of wine.

Louis decided to have casual conversation with me when the twins aren’t cutting in with their 20 questions.

“How is your mom?” He asks as he rubs his hand over the back of Jayce's neck. 

“She’s good. Really good. She works all the time, so I really only see her when I run into at work.”

“You are still working at the hospital?” He looks mad all of a sudden. Aggravated. 

“Yes? Where else would I be working?”

“I just assumed.. I thought that with the money.. You would be a stay at home mom.” He said it. Not me.

“Money?” And now I'm confused. Again. 

“I sent you money.” He says plain and simply. Like this was not brand new information for me. 

“You too?” I groaned. So it was both. Probably all three with Jay. 

“Yes. I always sent money through my mom of course. I figured that was the only way you would accept it.” He looked down and crossed his eyes at Addy causing her to erupt into giggles.

“You’re right. But the money is put up. I don’t touch it. It’s for an emergency. I don't even know how much is in that account.” Which is true. I have no idea.

“That’s a lot of money, Brandi. Saving it for a really big emergency?” Harry laughs.

I ignore him. “I am still doing ICU. Or I am the house supervisor. I go wherever I am needed for night.”

“So your still doing nights?” Louis asks concerned.

“I prefer nights. It’s easier to do nights because I drop Jayce and Addy off at my sister, Danielle’s, and know they have a place to go for the night. Then when I get off work, they go to the Montessori School for Little Children so I can sleep during the day. It works out pretty good.”

Louis nodded his head. “Good. I am glad to hear that.”

The sun was beginning to set and everyone began to say goodbye for the night.

Jayce was in Louis’s arm, dozing quietly. Louis bent his head down, kissing Jayce on the head and smiled. He looked over at me and asked, “Let me drive you home?”

“You will have to ask your mom. She is quite overprotective of who drives her babies home.” I smiled and pulled Addylee’s hair into a messy ponytail. She was getting grouchy herself and ready to go.

“I think she will be okay with it.” He grinned and repositioned Jayce on his hip when he stood up. He walked over to Johanna, spoke with her for a second, she looked over at me, for confirmation that this was okay. I smiled. She returned the smile.

Dan went to unlock his car and put the booster seats in Louis’ car. Dan took Jayce from Louis and put him in his seat. He hardly stirred, exhausted. Addylee climbed in, her eyelids heavy and kissed her Papa Dan.

I climbed in the front seat, waiting for Louis. God the car smelled like him. Pure pleasure. He got in the car, starting it, then pulling down the drive. He looked over at me and smiled.

“I missed you.” He took my hand in his.

“I know you did. I have this effect on men.” I joked and looked out the window.

He looked back at me with a serious stare, unblinking, “Yes. Yes you do.”

We talked about everything and anything for the next 1 ½ hours. It was like old times. Like we had never had the WW3 fight, and everything was perfect again. Addylee and Jayce slept. When we pulled into town, he didn’t take the exit to his mother’s.

“Where are we going?” I asked watching as we passed our exit, confused. I turned in my seat towards him.

“Home.” He kept his eyes on the road, pressing my hand to his lips.


	10. Chapter 10

I sat there silently. Is this what I want? I am not too entirely sure, but I ride silently. It’s all moving so fast. He is quiet, too. We pull into an all too familiar driveway and my heart begins to pound. The last time I was here, my world came crashing down. Now, was it to start over again? He looks over at me and smiles gently. Unlocking the door, unlocking my heart, I slide out of the car and go to get Addy, while he grabs Jayce. Addy stirs and opens her eyes. I try to grab my bag from the backseat, but I jostle her in the progress.

“Where are we Mommy?” She whispers.

“At your Daddy’s house baby.” Her eyes widen and she grins.

“Really?” Now she starts to wake up. Damn.

Louis heads to the door with Jayce resting his head on Louis’s shoulder, his eyes flutter open, yawning he asks,

“Where are we Daddy?”

“We are home Jayce!” Louis says overly excited. Addy giggles and tries to climb down out of my arms. I try to hold on, but no use. She is pushing past Louis to get in the house. Jayce quickly follows her lead and runs in the house behind her. Louis laughs and follows them in. I pace myself before going in. For some reason, I just have a sick to my stomach feeling.

The last time…is all I can think about. I stand in the door way and stare at the wall.

The last time I stared at this wall he was ripping a picture frame off the wall. It’s now replaced with a new photo. I walk down the hallway, I hear them laughing in the living room. Last time I was in this hallway, I was running to the door to get the hell out of here. Now, I am walking back in. I walk into the living room and Louis is taking Jayce and Addy up the stairs.

“Lets go see your room!” Louis says, and the twins agree enthusiastically as he walks them to a guest bedroom.

I walk around the couch and sigh. The room hasn’t changed all that much. There is still the large black sectional sofa, the ever flowing red and white drapes, and like Johanna’s house, pictures everywhere.

I hear the twins upstairs laughing, so I carry myself up there. They are jumping on the large king size bed, Louis swatting at them with pillows. Louis looks over at me and smiles, then smacks me in the face with a pillow.

“You ass!” I say shocked.

“Ohh! Mommy! You said a bad word.” Jayce hisses at me. Addy covers her ears.

“Yes, Mommy did! But Mommy also told the truth!” I picked up the pillow and chunked it back Louis. He dodges it and misses it. He tackles me and throws me on the bed. The twins grab their pillows and start smacking me. Louis grabs his pillow, and smacks me too.

“Okay! Okay! Uncle!” I laugh, trying to get off the bed. Louis keeps me pinned down. He smiles down at me.

“Let me up. Please?” I ask sweetly.

“No Daddy! Don’t let her up! Make her give you a kiss first!” Addylee squeals. I look over at her. Traitor.

“I like the way you think, Addylee. Give Daddy kisses.” Louis wiggles his eyebrows at me, making a duck face.

I look at him wildly. “No. Let me up.”

“Mommy! Give Daddy kisses now! Or you have stay!” Jayce says.

“Hey now! Whose side are you on little man?” I ask.

“Daddy’s!” Jayce laughs.

Louis bends down and kisses me lightly on the lips. The twins giggle again, and Louis lets me up. I quickly pigeon him, and now he is under me.

“Hey!” He yells. The twins begin hitting him with their pillows now, making me laugh harder.

I quickly climb off the bed, and Louis looks sad.

“Come on little monsters. Bath time.” They groan and Louis slides off the bed and shows them to the guest bathroom. I grab my bag from earlier, always carrying extra clothes with me, since disaster is never far with twins.

The twins are amazed at the size of the large bathtub and are thrilled when they see what the jets do. Louis pours in bubble bath, and the bubbles multiply. I quickly wash their hair and let them play for a little while, Louis watching with mild amusement, sitting on the counter.

Harry appears out of nowhere in the bathroom.

“What are you guys doing?”

“Unka Harry!” The twins squeal, splashing in the tub.

“Hey guys.” He smiles and looks over at Louis, questioning him with his eyes, pleading with him to come talk without saying a word. Louis smiles as if he has just one first place in a competition. Louis, finally takes the hint, gets down and goes with Harry.

“I’ll be back in a few minutes guys.” Louis waves and leaves.

****************************************************************************************

“What are you doing Louis? Why did you bring Brandi here? Why did you bring the twins here?” Harry asks concerned.

“It just felt right. I wanted them to stay with me tonight. I wanted to have my family in my house with me, tonight. What does it matter to you?” Louis asks back.

“It just seems, too soon Louis. Aren’t you scared at all that you are rushing this? That you just might be going to fast with Brandi?”

“I am not doing anything with Brandi. I am trying to be there for my children. Isn’t that what you want from me Harry? To be there for MY children? What the hell is your problem? You seem to think that these are your kids, Harry. You need to realize, they are mine and Brandi’s, and we will make the decisions in their lives without your input. You can give all the opinions you like. But it’s us that have the final say so.”

“See, this is where you are wrong. You haven’t earned that right Louis. You don’t get to make those kinds of decisions in your children’s lives. Brandi does. She has raised them from the day they were born, not you. She will be the one who says what’s going to happen in their lives.” Harry countered.

Louis face reddened. “I may have missed out Harry, but from here on out, I will always be a part of their lives. I don’t have to prove anything to you. Excuse me.” Louis pushed past Harry and headed back to the bathroom where Brandi and the twins were. He peaked through the cracked door and listened. He heart swam with love.

“Oh, I wish I was a little bar of soap!” Brandi tickled Jayce. “Oh, I wish I was a little bar of soap! Then I would be slippy, sloppy, slimy, over everybody’s hiney! Oh! I wish I were a little bar of soap!” The twins laughed and started singing with her.

Louis smiled and laughed quietly. He had missed her greatly. His heart was ready to learn to love again. He was ready for this challenge. He tapped on the door and walked back in. Brandi pulled the plug on the tub and he helped pull the two babes out of the tub and dry them off. He walked them back to “their” room and they climbed into bed. All four of them. Jayce and Addy quickly fell back to sleep and Brandi and Louis left shortly after.

“Would you like to take a shower?” Louis asked.

“Yea.. But I only brought the twins an extra pair of clothes. I didn’t have any idea I was going to be… here.”

“I have some of your clothes in my closet. From a few years back. I kept them. Just in case you decided… to come back.”

I looked at him like he had lost his mind. He knew I had no intentions of coming back three years ago. Why in the world keep my clothes? I completely ignored the part about me coming back and just shook my head. He was truly born a blonde.

“Uhh.. Okay. That would be great.” I followed him to his room. His room. Where our last words were said to each other. He has rearranged everything. A new bedroom suit. It’s nice. A fresh start. Like the old bed was tainted. I follow him to his closet which is almost the size of the twins room. He opens a closet door in a far corner, and he’s right. I do have a small couple weeks worth of clothes here. I must have left a suitcase when I left. He opens a drawer, and inside I have bras, panties, socks, and nighties.

“Oh wow. I haven’t seen these in years!’ I laugh and pull out a pair of zebra stripe bikini boy shorts with hot pink lace trim.

He nervously laughs. “Yea. Those were my favorite.” He scratches his head.

I quickly put them pack in the drawer and pull out a safe pair of panties and a cotton spaghetti strap nightgown. He watches me curiously. I step back and thank him and head back out.

He follows me out to his room and clears his throat. “Are you okay? You’re awfully distant.”

“No. I am fine. This is all…just weird. But thank you. I am just going to take a shower. I will see you in the morning.” I smile and turn towards the door.

“You can sleep in here if you want…”

My eyes widen. “No Louis…”

He chuckles. “No, I mean I can sleep in the guest room downstairs.”

“Oh. No. Louis. That’s okay. I will stay with the twins tonight. I don’t want them to wake up and forget where they are and be scared. It’ll be best if I stay in their room tonight.”

“Ahh…well that makes sense. If you insist. My offer will still stand.” He rocked on his heels for a second before turning around, “I am going to go take a shower myself then.”

“Okay then. See you in the morning.”

“Goodnight.”

I walked to the guest bath and took my shower. I pondered for a while what truly was going on. I was beyond confused, and extremely… intrigued. We were only in England for a few more days. Then who knew what would happen. All I knew was I had to make this an amazing experience for my babies. Louis could possibly be out of their lives forever after this week.

I put my little cotton nightie and laid down next to my sleeping babies. And I laid there. For awhile. After an hour had passed I finally got up and went to the kitchen to get something to drink. I fumbled my way around trying to find light switches and trying not to knock into side tables and chairs. I opened the fridge and found a bottle of red wine almost full. Ah. Love. This would help me sleep. I closed the fridge. There was Harry behind the fridge door.

“Jesus fucking Christ Harry! What hell are you trying to do?! Trying to give me a heart attack?” I screamed nearly dropping the wine, that Harry quickly grabbed from my hands.

“Hah! Sorry! I didn’t know you would scare like that! Calm down. Who else would it have been?”

“What the fuck does it matter? You don’t run up on people like that! Jesus. Give me the wine. Now.” He laughed and went to grab me a glass.

“Why are you down here at midnight drinking by yourself? Hmmm? Louis not doing his job?” He wiggles his eyebrows at me.

“And what is that suppose to mean?”

“Ya know. Louis. Shouldn’t ya’ll be having the awe inspiring makeup fuck?” Harry said it. Not me. 

“Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?” I groan.

“Don’t change the subject.”

“I don’t see how that is any of your business, Harry. And how do you know we didn’t already? IN the shower, twice?” I up the anty. 

“You’re lying.”

“No I’m not.”

“Yes you are Brandilew! You can’t even keep a straight face. Besides it’s okay. I understand. You want me. I am willing to wait.” He cross his arms over his chest thinking he has won.

“Oh get over yourself. I don’t want you. If I wanted you, I could have had you already. Twice. You couldn’t handle me. I already see how this would end. Terrible. Poor Harry. Have to go to the hospital and have pecker repair.”

“What the fuck are you babbling about?” Harry looked at me lost. “You have only had one glass of red wine. Are you okay?”

“I’m great. Eat shit.”

“Eh.. I think you need water.” Harry turns to grab a new glass from the cabinet.

“You take my wine, and I swear on all that is Holy. You will die a slow painful death. I will promise you this.”

“You sure are small to be making such big threats.” Harry chuckles.

“Small is as small does.”

“So you have seen your fair share of small ones huh?” He wiggled his eyebrows at me. Again. Asshole. 

“Are we talking about peckers again? Lemme tell you something Hair-o-sina. I have seen more peckers in my life than a French prostitute on nickel night. I can assure you, your pecker would only add to my list.”

“So let’s add it to your list.” God. Stupid Fucking Harry.

“I don’t wanna see your pecker.” I slurred. Holy mess. What the hell kind of wine was this?

“You just want to see Louis?”

“Louis. Now Louis has a fantastic…hiccup.” I cracked up. “A fantastic… hiccup… well it’s amazing.”

Harry rolled his eyes. “That’s enough. Give me the bottle. Brandi! Jesus. The thing was almost full!”

“Well now its not…hiccup. I solved that little dilemma.” I found this hilarious. And the fact Harry was staring down the nose of the bottle for further inspection was just awesomeness.

“What are you two doing?” Louis stood at the kitchen entry, looking at us suspiciously.

“Louisa-Boo!” I cat-called.

“She drank the whole bottle of red wine. Now she’s insane. She’s all yours.” Harry laughed getting up.

“You drank the whole thing?” Louis took the bottle from Harry, and inspected it as Harry had, making me proud of my accomplishment.

“I couldn’t sleep.”

“Brandi. You don’t drink. Your going to be sick.” He looked at me and snorted.

“It’s just… hiccup.. wine Louis. How sick can I be?” I laughed.

Two hours later, I was hugging the toilet and praying to Ralph and Earl. Louis sat beside me the whole time, keeping my face clean with a wet rag, and a constant commentary on the events going on with my innards.

“Louis shut up. I know what I just puked. I puked it!” I groaned.

“I am pretty sure, you just hurled up a small feline.” He laughed.

“Lemme die. I just wanna die. This is all your fault!” I groaned again and hugged my stomach.

“Come on. Let’s go lay down.” He helped me stand up on shaky feet and guided me back to his bed. I didn’t argue. I felt like shit.

I was asleep before I knew it.

And then I was awake.

“Mommy?” Addylee pulled the covers off my face. I pulled them back.

“Mooooommy?” Addy said again.

“Addy, go back to bed.” I said sleepily.

I heard her get off the bed and sigh. A few seconds later…

“Daddy?” Grunt.

“Daaaaaadddddy?” Double grunt. I heard her climb into the bed. A small smile crept on my face. I knew Louis didn’t do mornings. Welcome to my world Louis. Welcome.

“Daddy! Daddy! Answer me! Daddy!” I felt her shaking him.

“What? What?” Louis answered sleepily.

“Daddy! I am really hungry! I want eggs with cheese and some toast with strawberry jelly. And bacon. Lots of bacon.” Louis raised his head and looked at me. I snorted and rolled over.

“Cute. Really cute. You sent her in here on purpose.”

“I did no such thing. She’s hungry. She wants you to cook for her.” I pulled the pillow over my head.

“Daddy! I am hungry! Pweeease! Jayce wants panny-cakes but I said noooo panny-cakes so he wants toast like me. But we have to eat now. Dadddddy.”

Louis groaned. “Where is Jayce?”

“He is with Unka Harry!”

“Go ask Uncle Harry to make you some breakfast, Addylee.”

“I did Daddy! But he said that you needed to be there for your children and ‘sponsibilities, and something else…” Addylee crinkled her nose. “Daddy! Food!”

“Fine, I am up. I’m up.” Louis groaned and threw back the covers.

Ahh. The bed to myself. I laid there for about 15 minutes till the smoke alarm went off and Addylee came screaming for me to help. I grudgingly got up and went downstairs.

Louis made the eggs perfectly. He massacred toast. There was no bacon which upset Addylee to no end, but she eventually got over it when I made her toast into heart shapes. Jayce happily munched whatever was put in front of him.

Harry came in and looked over me. “So, how’s the hangover?”

“No hangover thank you!” I rolled my eyes.

“Well I guess not. As much as you puked you should have it all out of your system.” Louis added his ten cents 

“Mmhmm.”

“Daddy! What are we doing today?” Addylee asked as she smacked the jelly off the tip of her fingers.

“What do you want to do baby?”

“I want to go to the Zoo!” Addy grinned.

“The Zoo? Why?” Louis asked, unsure if this was a good idea.

Addylee confused, answered back the best she could. “because that’s where the animals are.”

Louis looked over at me for help, this was the part I figured was coming. The whole going out in public with his kids wasn’t a good idea right now.

“Addylee, the zoo is closed today. It’s Sunday.” Lying to my child. Awesome.

“The animals go to church?” Addylee asks confused again.

“Maybe? They need to rest. They have to work all week and need a day to catch up on their sleep.”

“Oh… okay.” Addylee looked happy with the answer.

Eventually Addylee decided she wanted to learn how to play guitar with her Uncle Harry, as did Jayce. He seemed more than thrilled to play with them, even though it ended up being a playing session instead of a teaching session. Harry ended up hooking up a microphone for Addylee to sing into, and a small keyboard set for her to play with, and she became her own little rock star. Jayce paid attention to everything Harry was teaching him, and would play his imaginary guitar. Harry promised to buy Jayce his own guitar which had Jayce downright giddy with anticipation. While Harry played with his merry band of 3 year olds, Me and Louis headed to Johanna’s to get our suitcases, then to the grocery store.

Louis begged for me to stay with him until the end of my trip. I agreed, much to Johanna’s dismay, but she was happy in her own way.

I cooked dinner that night. It was nice all of us sitting at Louis and Harry’s table, eating as a family.

I sat the twins in front of the TV and made them watch a movie after dinner so I could have a moment of peace and quiet and get the dishes done. They had both passed out 15 minutes into the movie. Harry was going out with a friend to a pool hall. Louis… was staying.

“If you are just going to stare at me while I was these dishes, I can put you to work.”

“I like the view from here.” I looked over my shoulder and smiled at him.

“Here.” He took over loading the dishwasher (after I had done most of the work) while I cleaned the counters and table.

“I want you to stay here. In London.” 

“Where did that come from Louis?”

“I want you to stay here, Brandi. You, Addy, Jayce. You need to stay here. With me. You can’t go home. This is your home now. Jayce and Addy love it here. They need my mom and Dan. My parents need them. I need them. I need you. You cannot get on that plane Thursday. You have to stay. I don’t think I can bare it if you leave again. My heart won’t be able to take it if you leave again.” Louis quit drying the plates and put his hands on the kitchen counter. He looked like he was about to prepare himself for the worst. 

I stood there leaning against the counter, twisting a kitchen towel in my hand.

“Louis. I just can’t up and leave my life. I have a job. I have a house. A dog and a cat. You are fixing to go back on tour. You won’t be home, so why would us be here mean anything to you at all?”

“You can leave your job, house.. Your sister can keep the dog and cat. You can go back on tour with me Brandi, like before. The four of us. We can have our own tour bus. No one will bother us. I can get us a bus where you and me have our own room, and the twins have their own room!” Louis explained this like he had been thinking about it for years...not 10 minutes.

“Louis! Listen to yourself! You talk like we are together! We are not together!” I groaned and started to walk out of the kitchen.

“Yes we are! This.. This right here. Me and you right now. This is us together. This makes us a couple from here on out. You sleeping in my bed. You coming to my house and sleeping in my bed. That makes us a couple. You having my children. That makes us a couple. You telling Harry that I have a fantastic dick. That makes us a couple!”

My mouth dropped. “I never!”

“Yes you did! It’s official. It’s me and you. You aren’t getting out of this.” He walked away from me quickly as if I might tackle him and rushed up the stairs. I followed him but he was much faster than me.

“You can’t go making these decisions without me Louis! I say whether or not we are a couple! And I say…” I walked into the room and he handed me a small silk bag.

“What’s this?” I opened the small silk bag and a gasp caught in my throat. It was my ring. My pink ring. The ring I had threw at his head. My beautiful, beautiful pink ring.

“Oh my god. Louis.” I quickly put it back on my hand before he could take it back. I was keeping it this time. No matter how bad he pissed me off in the future.

“See? Now we are official again.” He grabbed my chin and brought his lip hard down on mine. The kiss was rushed. His personal autograph of his love for me.

An upper invasion, for a lower invasion.

He bit my neck, trailing with his tongue down to my throat. A groan crawled out of my throat. Nibbling my earlobe, nearly making me weak in the knees. Whispering in my ear “I love you,” he bit my neck again, causing me to go limp in his arms. Ripping my shirt then bra from my body, he drops careless, wet kisses on my chest. He presses me hard against the demi-lune table and the lamp rocked off the table in a loud crash.

Dropping down to his knees, he ran circles with his tongue over my belly button, causing me to get that “Sweet Jesus” tingle I haven’t felt in so long between my thighs. I grabbed his face. Smiling up at me, he gently nipped at my stomach before unbuttoning my shorts that were between him, and his prize. He stands back up, and in one fluid movement, shorts and panties are gone, and I am being heaved up on the table. His fingers are greedily wandering in and out my wetness, but they do not reach the fire in me that needs to be tamed. Three years? Oh yes. I need to be fucked.

“No. Louis. Stop.” I grab his wrist. He looks at me confused, panting, tearing his lips from mine.

“What’s wrong?”

“I want to be fucked. I don’t want to be teased.” I bit my lip seductively and wrap my legs around his waist. His eyes widen at my bluntness.

“Where is my Brandi? What have you done with her?” He whispers in my ear and then lifts me by my ass carrying me to the bed. He pulls his shirt over his head, then slowly unbuckles his belt, never breaking eye contact. Then, eventually his pants hit the floor. I smile. That’s the Louis I remember. He crawls on top of me and the kisses become sticky, heavy, and involved. He grabs my thighs and starts bucking against them.

“Louis please…” I beg softly.

He enters me slowly, and I nearly come just from anticipation, I hear him finally breath out and he looks down at me and smiles. I raise my hips so he can go in deeper and he groans with satisfaction. He lifts my thigh to penetrate deeper and I call out his name.

We needed to get this little game over with. Now.

“Harder. Now.” I grab his neck and as he lifts my ass up off the bed. He slams into me with vigor. I scream out and bite into his shoulder. He moans in pleasure.

Twenty minutes later. I was biting my lip to keep from giggling. Louis was breathless on top of me, sticky with sweat.

“My god. I missed you.” He rested his head on my chest.

“Move….” I laughed.

“No. I can’t move. I can’t feel my legs.”

“You have to move. The twins will come looking for us.” I tried to push him off of me. He groaned and rolled off.

“I need to put them to bed anyways. You can stay here.” I kissed him and scooted out of bed, pulling my clothes back on.

I walked downstairs and saw that Jayce and Addy were still asleep on the couch. I loved them so much, and was scared of this hurting them in the long run of things. I pulled a blanket over them and went back upstairs. I looked at my ring before walking into the room. I think I need a matching pair of earrings to go with this ring. I smiled to myself and walked back into the room where my personal sex god was naked in his bed waiting for me.


	11. Chapter 11

I slept wonderfully that night. I woke early and looked to my side to see Louis sleeping quietly, his arm resting protectively across my stomach. I wiggled free and climbed out of the bed. I jumped in the shower, hating to have to wash him off of me. I took my time in the shower, shaving, shampooing, conditioning, enjoying my little peace of quiet time. I got out, wrapped the towel around me and stood in front of the mirror and smiled. I looked like a school girl nerd who had just made out with her high school crush. The gentle blush crept back to my cheeks again thinking about last nights repeated activities.

Not feeling like blow drying and straightening my hair, I grabbed Louis’s hair gel and rain it through my long tresses scrunching it as I went. My hair would curl and go kinky on its own, the gel would just make it stay. I dressed casually for the day and sneaked out of the room, Louis still quietly sleeping, not noticing my absence.

I walked by the twins room and saw Addylee trying wake Jayce up. Silly child. Can’t let anyone sleep if she is up. I walked in and she smiled up at me. I motioned for her to follow me and she jumped out of bed eagerly and followed me downstairs.

“Want to help me make breakfast?” I asked grinning at her.

“Yes! Muffins! And bacon!” She squeals. She really loved bacon. 

“Muffins and bacon? Hah. Okay. What kind of muffins?”

“All kinds of muffins!” Addylee laughed and climbed on the stool with my help. I grabbed the flour and she helped me measure.

“You know what we forgot Addy?” She looked at me confused, “Music! We can’t cook without music Addylee!” She laughed and I helped her off the stool. She ran to my purse and grabbed my Ipod. We put the IPod in the IPod Deck. Lady Gaga’s “Telephone” started playing. We both laughed and went back to cooking and singing.

We made separate batters of muffin mix- one for chocolate chip, the other for berries. Addylee stuffed the muffin pan with paper cups, feeling like she had done most of the cooking. I poured the batter in the cups and she dictated when to stop filling each cup.

“Would you like to do this Addy?” I tutted at her. 

“Yes.” She looked at me with all seriousness. 

“Too bad. “ Addy pouted. I walked over and placed the separate pans of muffins in the double oven. I could get use to having a double oven.

“Now the bacon?” She asked as she ran her hands together, anticipating the bacon. 

“You are going to turn into a little piggy you know that? Eating bacon all the time! Let's wait till the muffins are through cooking.” I pinched her cheeks and listened to her oink.

“Will you put it on my song Mommy?” Addylee asks sweetly. I sighed and went through the play list looking for her song. She ran off for a few seconds then came back with her microphone Harry gave her.

“Imma dance for you Mommy!” She put her hand on her hip, microphone to her mouth and held her singing position. 

‘Single Ladies’ by Beyonce. Addylee’s theme song. Her favorite song. And for a small 3 year old. She knew every word. Had her own dance routine. Louis sleepily came drifting into the kitchen.

“I smell food.” He kissed me on the cheek.

“It’s baking. Addylee is fixing to put on a show. Pull up a chair. It’s always entertaining.” Louis laughed and turned on the coffee pot, then sat down.

“Okay, Addylee. I am ready. Go ahead.” Louis smiled, laughing at her microphone, grinning at me amused. 

“Mommy! Push Play!” Addy put her hand on her hip.

“Oh! Sorry!” I laughed, pushing play.

“All the single ladies!” Addylee sings with the music, making me and Louis laugh. She pops her hips back and forth, singing hard into her microphone, arms flaying in the air. She didn’t get those skills from me, I assure you.

“Now put your hands up, up in the club, we just broke up. I’m doing my own little thing. You decided to dip but now you wanna trip, cuz another brotha noticed me” She flashes her hands at us and wiggles her little bottom, then dips low.

“I’m up on him, he up on me, don’t pay him any attention, cuz I cried my tears, gave three good years. You can’t be mad at me. Cuz if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it. If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it. Don’t be mad once you see that he want it. If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it.” She continues to sing her little heart out, making me laugh till I have tears at the corners of my eyes. Louis is holding his stomach, laughing hard.

“Wo oh ooh oh oh ooh oh oh ooh oh oh oh!” She spins in circles, losing her balance, running into the island.

Addylee stands up laughing, and continues singing. My oven alarm goes off, I grudgingly get up and get the food, listening to Addylee wail on, Louis still laughing.

I set the muffins to the side and set to making Addylee’s bacon. She finally finishes and we applaud. She bows continuously then asks Louis, if she can sing with him ‘to make the people happy.’

“Someday baby, you won’t need me! You will be the singer and you will be the one singing to make people happy!” He kisses her nose and she laughs,

“But Daddy, I wanna sing with you. I miss you when you are gone. So if I sing with you, you won’t be gone. I be with you all the time?” She pulls on Louis hair. Funny how a three year old can put life into perspective for you.

“I want to be with you too, Addy. I want you to sing with me, too. All the time.” Louis pulls her chin up and looks her in the eye. “You will always be by my side. No more leaving each other. Promise?”

“Promise daddy.” She wraps her arms around his neck and gives him a tight squeeze. He sighs and looks over at me, his eyes telling me that I don’t get to make the decision on this one. Addylee does.

I put the bacon on the counter and Addylee happily claps. Louis frowns at the bacon. I give him a warning glance, daring him to comment on my children eating bacon. Addylee hands him a berry muffin.

“Do you want me to wake Jayce?” Louis asks.

“No. Let him sleep. He’s grouchy if we wake him up. He may have a touch of Zayn in him. Eat.”

I pick at my chocolate muffin, enjoying the gooeyness of it all. Harry eventually makes an appearance, taking his dog, Bear, out to urinate.

“MMM food.” Harry grab’s at the muffins but I smack his hand back.

“Oww.” He rubs the back of his hand.

“Wash your hands. You don’t take the dog out to pee, then touch food everyone else is eating!”

“I didn’t assist in the dog peeing, Brandi.” Harry gripes as he washes his hands.

“Here Sugar Bear.” I hand the dog some bacon sending him into tail wagging happiness.

“It’s Bear. Bear. Not Sugar Bear. Your going to give the dog a complex.” Harry gripes more, eating a muffin.

“Did you fall out of the bed this morning? You sure are moody.”

“Not moody. Normal.” He smiles. Bear rests his head on my knee.

“Sweet puppy! Here Sugar Bear.” I hand him more bacon.

“And he’s definitely not a puppy….” Harry shakes his head.

“Go to your room. Your mood is contagious. Leave the dog.” Harry laughs and goes to the living room to watch TV. Then the doorbell rings.

“Are you expecting company?” I ask Louis.

“No. Especially not at 10 in the morning.” Louis got up and walked to the living room while Harry was answering the door. It was Paul and Will. Louis and Harry’s managers. Oh shit.

I tried to grab Addylee before she ran into the living room to see who had come over but I wasn’t fast enough. Harry was seating the guys and Louis looked over at me wild eyed. I gave him a “Sorry!” look with my eyes but Addylee was already attached to his leg. I hid back in the kitchen. Paul and Will looked at Louis and laughed.

“Who is this Louis? What a pretty little girl! What is your name sweetheart?” Paul asked.

“My name is Addylee…” She shyly hides her face behind Louis. leg.

“What a pretty name! How old are you?”

She hold out three chubby fingers.

“You’re a big girl! Is she family Louis? Another little sister?” Paul laughs, Will looking at Addylee hard.

“Yes. She’s family.” Louis nervously laughs, and looks over at Harry, who is walking over to the stairs where Jayce is coming down. He picks Jayce up and walks over to the couch and sits down with him.

“My goodness. Who is this? He looks just like you Harry. Especially in the face. Around the eyes.” Paul says slowly. Then looks back at Louis holding Addylee. “Oh no.. Harry. You didn’t. Please Harry tell me…they aren‘t yours?”

“Why are you saying that to me? I have always been the careful one Paul! Just automatically assume since I am the band slut they are mine! But no. They aren‘t mine.” Harry snorts then looks up at a relieved Paul. Will has been quiet the whole time, finally speaks.

“Then who’s are they?”

“Well, if they aren’t mine, that only leaves one other person in the room, right?” Harry points to Louis, who is shaking his head at Harry to ‘shut up!’

Will and Paul laugh, hard. “Louis!” Will spits out, hitting Paul on the arm, causing Paul to laugh harder.

Louis bites his lip and looks over at me standing in the kitchen doorway, hiding. I see the look in his eyes, and realize he needs me now. We will do this together. We will tell them together.

I grab a muffin and walk over to the couch, handing it to Jayce.

“Ohh.. Chocolate muffin Mommy?” Jayce grins.

“Your favorite baby.” I sit down beside Harry and Jayce crawls into my lap. Louis comes to sit beside me pulling Addylee into his lap. The laughing quits.

“Brandi?” Paul asks, now confused.

“I thought, you were gone. I thought, you decided that the band was too much for you.” Will interjected.

“Eh. Well. You see…” pointing at Addylee and Jayce.

“I sent Brandi away.” Louis jumps in, “After our tour in Asia, we came home for holiday. Brandi found out she was pregnant. I decided that it was best for her and the band that she leave. She didn’t need to be on tour pregnant, especially with twins, going from place to place. It wasn’t healthy for her. It wasn’t the right time. The band was finally getting big across the globe, and we didn’t want the fans to know, that I had a girlfriend that was carrying my children. So we made a terrible decision, and she went home. And we live with those regrets every day now. But now, we aren’t going back. I want her back in my life and my children. Always.” Louis kissed Addylee on the cheek.

Paul’s mouth dropped. Will’s face reddened.

“You have a kid Louis! Two kids Louis! And a girlfriend. This is a big deal! This isn’t like… “sorry to my fans I kept this secret from you to keep your love’ kind of secret! This is the ‘I didn’t trust you enough to tell you’ secret.’” Will stood up and paced.

“No. My fans will understand. They know that my family comes first and I have to protect them. We have the greatest fans ever. They will understand, and they will support us. In fact, we will gain more fans from this if anything.”

“Louis! You are delusional! You aren’t thinking straight. Gain more fans? How so?” Paul asks.

“My fans will find it romantic. Keeping Brandi hidden for so long. My children behind locked doors. They will see I am a family man. That I can love, and be loved in return. They will love my children. I have something to sing and write about now! I am inspired! I have so much to write about when I see my children laughing or when I make love to Brandi. You just have no idea how much of a good thing this is!”

“No.. No. He is right.” Will adds in., tapping his chin.

Will looks at Paul. Louis does too, impressed Will is siding with him.

“Louis has always connected with his fans. If Louis is in love with life, he will write music about this. His fans will buy more albums and we are all happy. This is good. This is real good. We can get with the biggest magazine, and release Louis version of the story. Why he kept Brandi and Addylee and…and…“ he snapped his fingers.

“Jayce.” I add.

“Jayce! In the closet for so long. To protect them! Screw the magazine! We can go on TV! Recorded TV where they show commercials that lead up to the airing to anticipate the story. Oh Man. This will be great. Then we can release a new album!” Will becomes excited.

“Your insane. We are not going on TV to tell our story. It will come out on it own time.” Louis looks at Will warily.

“No your right. We just need to have a back up plan. In case, things don’t go right.” Will adds.

“Brandi and the twins will be on the tour with us in America. I expect you to make the correct arrangements, the twins will need to be in our room at all times. They will need their own security. Please arrange for me to meet with security and Harry and I will choose who will be in charge of Brandi and the twins.”

“I thought we were going to wait for the next album to introduce Brandi….”

“Brandi is recognizable from the past as our tour nurse. They will just suspect we have rehired her for the tour, if she is seen. And if anyone asks, we will just say she has her position back. What does it matter?”

“It matters because you are going to be with her. Walking with her, kissing her, holding her. Then there is that small, ‘Oh by the way, look at my kids!’ aspect of it all. Do you seriously think everyone is going to think we let Brandi bring her two kids on tour and you just like them a whole lot so you hang out with them often?” Will threw in there.

“It will come out eventually. That’s why we have our 1D TV, we can bring it back. It’s more personal that way. We can slowly introduce everyone to the kids on there.”

Paul looked satisfied, not understanding why Will was so irritated with it all. Will nodded his head in agreement.

“Okay, Okay. Fine. Then that’s what we will do. But if it doesn’t work. We do it my way Louis.”

Louis laughed. “You have no faith in our fans, Willie. It will work out fine.”

“Would you guys like a muffin? I just baked them!” I smiled sweetly leading them into the kitchen.

America. Lord. Here we come. Back. Again. 

With Louis and children. Glad Louis asked me how I felt about this.


	12. Chapter 12

I decided to call my best friend, Julie, and break the news to her. I didn’t foresee this going well. I excused myself and head to the backyard and sit at the bar table on the deck. I had already talked with my mother, who immediately demanded to speak with Louis. Their phone conversation turned into an hour long gab fest, and everything was great on her side. She was happy that Louis was back in the twins life. My life, was another story.

“Hello?” Julie answers.

“Hey JuJu Bean. It’s me. Whats-a-happenin-hot stuff?” I ask, missing her voice.

“Brandilew! My love! Oh I miss you! Come home soon! Thien (her husband) is making me crazy! He is the best house wife ever, but all he does is bake, clean, and fix things around the house…and you know I have an 8 hour quota to meet!” She goes on and on.

I laugh. This is the usual for her. Let her get it all out.

“What’s going on with you?” She asks.

“Well, you know. I slept with Louis.” Silence.

“Come again.” She states harshly in the phone. Yea. I saw this one coming.

“I slept with my children’s father?” There. That sounded better.

“Are you insane! Brandi Nicole! Have you lost your ever loving mind?! Jesus Mary and Joseph! I swear, Brandi. I allow you to go to England, against my better judgment, and look what you do! You fornicate with the enemy!” Julie goes on.. And on.. “And just what exactly possessed you to do such a thing Brandi? You know better! And Jayce and Addy! Oh my god. That’s it. I am coming to get you.”

Silence.

I bit my lip to keep from laughing. I sat and waited.

“Brandi?”

“Julie?” I smile in to my phone.

“Was it any good?” She asks.

“Mind blowing.” We both laugh. I miss her.

“Is this why you called me? To tell me this insane news?”

“Well.. Yes and no. I called to tell you that.. Well Louis and I decided that, we are going to take Jayce and Addylee on the One Direction American tour.”

Silence.

“It’s a good thing really. The twins are so in love with Louis and they adore Harry. They really need this opportunity to be with them. And I agree with Louis, he needs them too. They need to be with each other. I would love for Jayce and Addy to see what their Daddy does for a living, other than watching it on some random YouTube video. Ya know?” I try to replay what I had planned on saying, but it didn’t come out right. I just hoped she understood.

“THIEN! Take this phone! Take this phone! I am going to choke the life out of her through this fucking phone!” I laugh again. I know she is not upset. She loves the twins as much as she loves her own children. The twins have always called her “Aunt JuJu and Unka Ten.” I know she is just scared of them getting hurt. But something about this situation, this opportunity, feels right.

“Brandi, please tell me you are joking. An early April fool’s right?”

“It’s the middle of May, Julie. No. I am not joking. I am dead serious. The tour begins the first week of June in Boston.”

“Are you tour nurse again? You know how much trouble that got you in last time.”

“I am just Louis and the twins nurse this time. I am not getting paid for anything. I just sit back and enjoy.”

“Last time you enjoyed it a little too much, and oh yea! You got knocked up!”

“Julie. I am doing this to rebuild our relationship. Can you please just be there? Listen to me cry and whine and throw a hissy fit? I need your support now. I need this to work.”

“You know I will. I am just giving you a hard time. I love you so much. I just can’t see you hurt again Brandi.” Julie says softly in the phone.

“I won’t be hurt this time. I have to do this.”

“You will get me tickets for the Dallas show?” She asks hopefully.

“Backstage.” I laugh.

“I love you!

“I love you more! I will call you with more details, I promise. You will be the first to know anything.”

“Okay my dear. Be good! Bye!!” We hung up and huge smile was on my face. This is what I needed. Good, I felt good.

*****************************************************************************

 

The next morning, Jay and Dan showed up. They planned on taking the twins to the amusement park minus Louis and me. Addylee and Jayce were so excited. It took me three attempts to French braid Addy’s hair because she wouldn’t sit still long enough for me to do so. When Harry came down the stairs I hardly recognized him.

His hair was a mess, he so fashionably chose to wear, a baseball cap. He had on plain t-shirt and shorts. Very un-Harry like.

“Where are you going?” I asked Harry.

“With them.” He points to Johanna and the twins.

“I thought this was their thing only. They were pretty insistent that me and Louis were to stay here.”

“Yea, well you have to go shopping don’t you?” Harry says. I looked over at Louis confused.

“I asked Mom to take the twins, so that you and I could go and buy the twins some new clothes for the tour. Nothing fancy. Just enough to get us through the next 3 months.” Louis looks at me, hoping I was okay with this.

“Oh. Well. I guess as long as your buying then!” I smile at him, and kiss Jayce and Addylee goodbye. Harry stands next to Addylee waiting in line for his kiss. I smack him upside the head and walk with the kids out to the car. We say goodbye and I wish Jay, “good luck.”

I head upstairs to the twins room and gather their dirty laundry, then head to Louis room and grab mine. I walk back downstairs and Louis is in the kitchen talking with…Tobi? Louis bodyguard. Wow. Haven’t seen him in awhile. I casually walk through the kitchen to the laundry room and throw our clothes in the washer. I step back into the kitchen and Tobi looks at me crazily.

“SO it is you! HA! Only you could have caused this mess! Come here girl!” Tobi scoops me up in his arms and squeezes me tight.

“Man, Louis. When David told me the ‘whole’ story I just laughed at him. But now, damn. Haha. This is too funny. You really do have kids, Louis. With the nurse! You sly dog! You never told me! ME! Jesus Louis!” Tobi smacked Louis on the back causing Louis to fall over the counter a little and spill his coffee.

“Well, you weren’t my head of security when it happened. Now you are.” Louis wiped the coffee off the counter.

“How have you been Brandi? You look great for popping out kids!” He sized me up right in front of Louis. I rolled my eyes and laugh.

“Tobi. You need to get laid. Hard, and fast.”

“I agree Brandi. I agree.” He laughed and took a sip of his coffee.

“So tell me, what are the plans?” Louis asked, I sat down beside him.

“Well, I am escorting you around town so you can go shopping right? That what you said when you called, Louis.” Louis placed his head in his hands and groaned.

“No Tobi. Not today’s plans, the tour plans, for Addy and Jayce.”

“Oh! Right! Those plans. Well I called in my crew and its all taken care of. I know you want to speak with them individually, but I assure you, these guys are the best, top notch. Michael, Stefan, and Dominic.”

“3?! Good lord. Are we preparing for battle Louis? Why 3?” I ask, astonished.

“We can’t be too careful Brandi. It’s just temporary at first, to see how things roll out. Then, we can always cut back. I just want each of you to be protected even when Tobi can’t be around to do so.” Louis took my hand. He was so cute when he was trying to be fatherly. But it was a bit too much.

“OK then, So we will just try it out, and see what happens from there then.” I smiled at Tobi, “Let’s go spend Louis money!” Tobi laughed and high-fived me.

We walked out and got into Tobi’s Audi Q7. I climbed in the backseat and spread out.

“Where are we going exactly?” I asked as we pulled on to the main road heading to the highway.

Louis pulled out a sheet of paper where he wrote down at least 15 stores names.

“Here.” He handed it to me. It was all kid stores.

“Diesel, Louis? Really?” He looked at me over his sunglasses and smiled.

“They have kids clothes! Cute clothes.”

“Right.” I shook my head and laughed, Tobi singing whatever crap was on the radio, Louis grimacing too.

“Shhhhooosh girl, Shut your lips! Do the Helen Keller and talk with your hips!” Tobi sang with his thick accent.

“Don’t trust the Ho! Won’t Trust the ho! Cause the Ho won’t trust me!”

“Jesus… I didn’t think it would ever end.” I removed my fingers from my ears.

“This my car. We listen to my music.” Tobi looked at me in the rearview mirror.

We pulled up to the first store and got out. Louis didn’t look like Louis today. But even on a Louis dress down day he looked like amazing. The store was called “Tutu’s by Abby.” Addylee would have a field day in here. They had tutus of every size, shape and color. Louis was a genius.

“How did you find this place?!” I asked Louis, incredulously.

“My mom recommended it. She helped design of couple things in here. What, I do not know. Probably a Tutu.” He smiled and guided me to the back of the store, where the owner, Abby, was sitting and reading a magazine.

“May I help you?”

“Yes, my mother, Johanna Deakin, sent me and my girlfriend here, to pick up some outfits for our daughter.” Our Daughter. God. I loved hearing that.

“Of course! Louis! And you must be Brandi!” She shook our hands and smiled. “Johanna has the best taste in little girl fashion, her ideas just SELL. She told me that you and her plan on opening your own fashion line?” Abby asked.

Hmm. News to me.

“Well, we hoped to when I get some downtime. It has been on the backburner for so long now. She really does all the clothes making. I just give her all the ideas. But we will see. Now that I have some inspiration, I am really looking forward too it.” Louis smiled back sweetly at her. She nodded and walked to the back to get Johanna’s orders.

She came out with many hangers with large flamboyant clothes on them. I could already tell, I would have to pry these off Addy with a crowbar.

So many fluffy tutus, in so many colors. Abby said that these designs were from Johanna’s personal collection, she called it “Cupcake couture.” Louis handed her his credit card and Tobi grabbed the large bags and walked to the car.

This went on for about five more stores. I would show Louis what I liked, he would smile and nod, then pick out 4 different outfits to go with what I already picked out. Eventually, Louis just started picking up the clothes, and I would smile and nod, and just let him pay. He was going to buy whatever he wanted anyways.

We pulled up to the Gucci store and I snorted.

“We are not shopping for Jayce and Addy here!” Not even getting out of the SUV.

“We are shopping for you. Not just Jayce and Addy,”

“I don’t need anything! Especially not from Gucci!” I put my seatbelt back on. Louis got out of the car and came to the back seat, opened the door, unbuckled my seatbelt, then tugged on me.

“Out. We are shopping for you now.”

“I don’t even like Gucci!” I whined.

“Everyone likes Gucci. Out.” I pouted and followed him into the store.

Of course the man who owned the store knew Louis, and they were on first name basis. He introduced me, I just stared around in obvious discomfort. I didn’t want to touch anything. Louis pushed me, and told me to quit being rude. I groaned.

“I don’t wanna be here Louis. I really don’t like anything in here. Look at those two over there in the corner looking at purses! I am going to look like a snob!”

Louis laughed, “You are acting like a snob not even acting interested in anything!”

I groaned and picked up a pair of sunglasses and handed them to him. “Here get these, lets go!” I look at the price tag, $825!, “No! put it back!” Louis laughed and held them above my head.

“You snob. Too good for Gucci? Fine there are other places we can go…” He bent his head down and kissed me on the lips. Tobi cleared his throat, to announce to us people were watching and we separated, holding hands. Louis kept the sunglasses in his hands and picked me out a purse (against my will), a scarf (against my will), and a pair of flat shoes I refused to try on. Louis only laughed at my stubbornness, but continued to drag me from store to store.

We finally went into a little dress shop I felt comfortable in and was willing to try clothes on. Louis made me promise not to look at the tags on the dresses, I crossed my fingers behind my back, and agreed. The two young girls behind the counter squealed immediately when Louis took his sunglasses off. He introduced himself and Tobi, then me. He told the girls to make me feel special, and to give me whatever I wanted. The girls squealed again, and escorted me to the back dressing room, while Tobi and Louis sat on the couch waiting.

The two girls brought me several cute little outfits that I could actually picture me wearing. I tried them on, spun in the mirror. They brought me shoes, which I loved even more, and pranced around. Louis laughed at me and whistled.

“I like this dress. Green is your color.” He came up to me and pulled the bottom of my dress up. I smacked his hand away and scolded him.

“What the hell are you doing?”

“I was just making sure you had panties on.. That’s all!” Louis defended himself, laughing.

“You igmo! Why would you-- I don’t even know how to comprehend that.” I walked back to the dressing room, and the girl helped me undress.

“Miss, have you decided which outfits you like?”

“I like them ALL. And I mean ALL. Even the shoes. ALL of them. I will take them ALL.” I smiled.

She looked at me wide-eyed and smiled and counted., “That’s 25 outfits and…10 pairs of shoes?”

“Is that all? I thought I had done more damage.” She laughed at me and walked the outfits with the other girl to the counter. Louis casually handed them his credit card and began talking to Tobi again. Hmm. He isn’t paying attention to what I buy. So, I gingerly started throwing in earrings, necklaces, bracelets, lip glosses, watches… whatever was in arms reach in the pile. The girls giggled at me and continued to scan. She scanned his credit card. I saw the total. Went into a single moment of heart failure, and signed his name to the receipt. I handed him back his credit card and put my hands on my hips, waiting for attention.

“What?”

“Well someone has to carry my bags to the car.” I stood there defiantly. Louis and Tobi looked around me. Louis’s mouth dropped. Tobi busted out laughing. There was 9 bags on the counter full of clothes. 4 full of shoes.

“See man. This is why you never give your old lady your credit card.” Tobi pointed out to Louis.

“Where the hell was I?” Louis asked me.

“You were right here. I was shopping.” I smiled sweetly and kissed him on the cheek. Louis looked over the bags Tobi was trying to balance walking out the door, and he picked up a few himself, the 2 girls helping now.

“We don’t have enough room in the back, man! Brandi you will have to sit with your bags!” Tobi laughed and started putting the bags of shoes in the backseat. Louis pulled out his phone, took a pictures of the car loaded down with bags, and added to the picture “Never give Brandi your credit card.” and sent it to Harry.

“Where to next? This is fun!” I asked Tobi excited.

“HOME!” The said in unison.

I pouted the whole way home.

*******************************************************************************

When the twins got home with Harry from the amusement park they were bursting with energy. Jayce and Addy were jumping up and down and trying to reenact each other on separate rides. Jayce was trying to show how Addy was screaming on the “Airplane Ride” when I realized something was off on Jayce. Very Off.

I grabbed Jayce and looked at his ears. He had a diamond stud in each ear. My eyes went wild.

“Who pierced your ears Jayce?” I asked, panicking a little.

“Unka Harry’s lady friend.” Jayce smiled, “She did Addy’s too!” I looked over at Addy and noticed she now had a 2nd row of earrings too!

“Do you like it Mommy?” Jayce asked.

“It’s pretty…Jayce.” I walked away from him. Then ran yelling.

“Harry! Harry! COME HERE NOW!” I yelled running up the stairs.

“Brandi? What’s wrong?” Louis asked, following after me. I ran into Harry’s room. Of course he is in the shower. I busted in. Louis behind me.

“Harry Styles!! How fucking dare you! You had no right!” I yell at him, seeing every bit that is Harry Styles through the see-through glass panes. He looks scared shitless, then suddenly realizes what I am pissed about and laughs. Louis tries to pull me out of the bathroom, but I swat his hand away from me.

“It’s just an earring Brandi! He will be okay!”

“Its not just an earring! It’s two earrings! And he is a little boy! With two diamond studs in his ears! And Addy! She now has four earrings! Are you insane!? They are three!” I grabbed the item closest to me, a brush, and opened the shower door and went to hitting his naked ass.

“Louis! Get her! Jesus. She’s insane!” Harry yells trying to get back from me, grabbing the shower head pointing it at me, soaking me and Louis. Louis pulls me from the shower and drags me into Harry’s bedroom.

“Sit!” Louis commands me.

Louis goes back into the bathroom, and yells at Harry. Which makes me feel better, but I know it’s all for show. Louis isn’t mad like I am, he is trying to make me feel better. That’s what counts. Harry comes out with a towel around his waist and one in his hair.

“I’m sorry. I should have called and asked. Even though you would have said no, and they really wanted it done!” Harry says apologetically.

“They are toddlers Harry. We have to make the adult decisions here, and sometimes we have to tell them NO. They may not like it, but they will eventually get over it. I promise you they will.”

“Jayce looks cute doesn’t he?” Harry says trying to change the topic. I laugh.

“Yes. Yes he does.” He looks like a little Harry Syles here lately.


	13. Chapter 13

“You don’t just buy MacBooks for 3 years olds!” I moaned at Harry.

“Why not? They like it!” He smiled watching Jayce and Addylee hit on their new toys.

“It has buttons Harry! Of course they like it! Anything with buttons is like candy to them! And iPods? You are killing me! They don’t understand these things!”

“I don’t see what the problem is. They are enjoying it. Look, I personally uploaded every One Direction song on both of their iPods, and each of their laptops has a media section dedicated to the band! They can listen and watch us whenever they want.” Jayce handed his iPod to Harry, asking him to turn it on.

“See? He doesn’t even know how to turn it on!” I growled again, “You have to quit spoiling them Harry! You cannot buy them everything they say “I want!” too! If you do, you will go broke or insane. And you are leaning towards insane right freaking now!” I looked around the living room at all the new purchases Harry had made in the last few days.

Addylee stuck her tongue out at me. “Mommy you are no fun! I like my iPod!” She held up the hot pink iPod to Harry and crawled in his lap so he could show her how to play with it.

With twins, you have to buy or do 2 of everything. 2 laptops, 2 iPods, 2 toddler sized guitars, 2 microphone sets, 2 mini drum sets, 2 keyboards, 2 of everything imaginable. Harry overly enjoyed himself. I wanted to stab him. Louis was no help on the issue. He encouraged buying the twins the iPods so that they could learn the bands music and sing at the concerts. I had no problem with this at all. It was the MacBook that came with the iPod purchase that bothered me. What next? iPhones?

Harry knew I was frustrated with him. He kept glancing at me, making sure I had nothing to hit him with. Good. I like to keep him on his toes.

Louis came in from shopping with Tobi and Lou, (I had been banned from shopping for the next year,) carrying massive amounts bags. I squealed.

“Lou!”

She dropped her bags and yelled too, “Brandi!” She ran to me, and we hugged each other hard. She kissed me on both cheeks and pulled away.

“Louis told me everything! Everything! I never knew! Brandi I feel like such a terrible friend. And Louis is an ass! He never told me anything! How are you? Are these the babies?” She rambled on.

I called for Jayce and Addylee to come meet Lou and they were just as charming as ever. Once Addylee found out Lou did Louis and Harry’s makeup she was stuck on Lou like white on rice. Lou promised Addylee to do her makeup at the concerts, and Addylee squealed in delight and showed off her new hot pink iPod. Jayce meanwhile, was trying to practice his WWF moves on Tobi, who highly enjoyed the attention. Jayce laughed every time Tobi picked him up and fake body slammed him on the couch, begging “More Tobi!”

I looked at the bags and bags of clothes Louis had bought and just stared at him. He looked at me and grinned.

“Don’t say a word.” He put his finger on my lips and kissed my forehead, wrapping his arms around my waist. He looked over at Jayce and Addylee playing with Tobi, Harry and Lou and heavily sighed.

“What’s wrong Louis?” I pulled back to look at him.

“Nothing. Everything’s perfect.” He kissed me again, making my heart flutter. Perfect.

“I’m hungry. You?” Louis asks.

“You are always hungry. What do you want?” I roll my eyes, smiling up at him.

“Pizza. Lots of Pizza.”

“Of course. Pizza.” I laughed. I reluctantly let go of Louis and went to take everyone’s orders, and place the order.

Lou followed me up to Louis’s room to see all my recent purchases that had caused my recent ban on shopping. She laughed and agreed. It wasn’t that bad!

“I still haven’t bought any panties, bras, or socks!” I laughed.

“I will buy them for you. I will just charge Louis.” She smiled.

I walked her over to the twins room to show her all the new clothes we had bought the twins. She went gaga over the new dresses for Addylee and laughed at all the little jeans we had bought Jayce with studs and spikes compliments of Louis. She picked up a belt and started laughing at the buckle.

“Does this really say Ladies Man?” She flashed it at me.

“Yes, that would be from Harry” I sighed, “He is doing everything in his power to turn Jayce into his “mini me” I swear! I have the hardest time getting Jayce to pull his pants up. And he wants to layer all his clothes. He wants to buy his shirts to big. Harry even pierced Jayce’s ear without my knowledge! He is corrupting my little boy.” I pout.

“Aww! No! Harry loves Jayce. I think secretly Harry wants kids, and this is his practice session, with Jayce and Addylee.” I looked up at her.

“No, you are right. He loves Jayce and Addylee like they were his own. I am hard on him. But I have to be. He turns childlike with them and I feel like I am having to take care of 3 kids instead of my two. Constantly having to remind him ‘No don’t do that! No don’t buy that! Don’t say that in front of them!” I laughed.

“Consider yourself lucky. How many children get to say their uncle is ’The Harry Styles‘. And their Daddy? ‘The Louis Tomlinson.’ Let them be spoiled. Let them enjoy this little piece of heaven. We all need happy memories.” I hugged her tightly. She went to helping me fold the twins new outfits into their suitcases, when the doorbell rang.

“Oh! Food!” I smiled. We walked back downstairs and I squealed again, doing my happy-clappy dance. It wasn’t food. It was Niall. And Zayn.

I gave both of them a huge hug and smiled at their stunned faces.

“I just.. I just can’t believe it’s you. I thought you were gone, forever.” Zayn scratched his head.

“When Paul and Will called us for lunch today, we thought it was about the tour. Not about you… and Louis kids!” Niall looked in disbelief as he said it, “Louis has kids with you!” He laughed and looked back at me.

“Yes. Well, the cats out of the bag now, huh?” I looked up at Niall and smiled over at Zayn, “Would you like to meet them?”

“Of course.” Zayn grins from ear to ear.

“Yes. I have to see Louis kids with my own eyes.” Niall laughed.

I walked them into the living room where Jayce was sitting on Tobi’s shoulder’s playing invisible drums on his head. Addylee was sitting on her laptop acting like she was at school working very hard.

“Guys come here! I want you to meet some very important people!” Addylee and Jayce looked over at me, and their eyes grew big. Yes, they knew who these people were, too. No big secret there. Tobi plopped Jayce down and he took off running towards Niall. Jayce latched himself onto Niall’s legs and said a polite, “hi!” Niall laughed and said ‘Hi’ back. Jayce called him Niley which made him laugh, he bent down to eye level with Jayce and started talking with him about his new drum set. Addylee consumed Zayn’s attention, climbing up into his arms and went to playing with his hair. She had always had a small crush on him.

“You should let me braid your hair, so you can look like me!” Addylee flirted. Zayn laughed and tried to put her down, but her she refused, wrapping her legs around his stomach. She looked at him crazily, daring him to try that again. He looked at me confused and I busted out laughing.

“She has a small c-r-u-s-h on you.”

“My girlfriend is not going to like that very much.” He laughed and looked at Addy.

“You have a girlfriend?” Addylee asks pulling his face to meet hers, very concerned.

“I do.” Zayn smiled. Addylee looked at him shocked, her bottom lip started to quiver.

“But why?” She whispers.

“Because I love her very much.” He looks over at me, scared. She is fixing to cry.

“But why? You don’t love me anymore?” She asks, hiccupping.

“No! No! I love you very much. You are just too young for me!” Zayn smiles at her, praying she doesn’t cry. Addylee’s eye swell up with tears and she climbs out his arms, sliding down his leg. She starts to sniffle then the hard tears come, then the wailing. I put my hand to my mouth to keep from smiling. She runs over to Louis sitting on the couch and throws herself in his arms. She becomes hysterical with grief.

“He hates me! He never loved me!” She sobs throwing her head down on Louis shoulder. He rubs her back and tries to calm her down, looking at me with wide eyes, trying not to laugh himself. Harry is snickering and Tobi laughing himself. Zayn feels terrible and Niall is picking on him.

“Oh god! Daddy! He doesn’t love me! He has a girlfriend! A dirty, ugly girlfriend!” Harry busts out laughing, wiping tears from his own eyes. She groans and starts crying again, this time with more drama. She raises her fists in the air and hits the couch in anger.

“He doesn’t love me! Daddy! Daddy! You love me right? I am prettiest girl ever?” She grabs Louis face to get all his attention. He bites his lip to keep from laughing and nods his head.

“Yes Addylee. You are the most beautiful girl in the world! Zayn is an idiot for not choosing you.” Louis kisses her on the cheek and she wraps her little arms around his neck and whimpers some more. After a few seconds, she look up at Louis, wipes her face on her sleeve and crawls off his lap. She walks over to Harry, and crawls in his lap.

“Tobi beats people up?” Addylee asks Harry. He smiles and nods.

“Yes, Tobi can beat people up. Bad people.”

Addylee leaned back in Harry’s lap and looked over at Tobi, who was still trying to hold his chuckles in.

“TOBI! GO BEAT HIM UP! NOW!” She yells at the top of her lungs, making everyone jump. Then snort with laughter.

“Yes ma’am!” Tobi cracks his knuckles and gets off the couch and walks over to Zayn.

“I am sorry Zayn,” Tobi laughs, “ But I have to kick your ass.” Zayn looks over at Louis wide-eyed. Louis just shrugs, and adds “I am glad you came to meet my kids! Aren’t the great?”

********************************************************************************

 

Eventually the pizza shows up and we all sit around the table in the dining room, which to my knowledge, never gets used. Zayn is now sporting a purple eye, compliments to Lou for making it look realistic. We talk and reminisce, laughing. Zayn and Niall want to know the whole story, so we once again, tell it from beginning to where we are now. They are astounded and call Louis names, hoping they are the equivalent to what I called him.

“What matters now, is we are back together. I have my little family. And I am happy.” Louis looks over at the twins and smiles at them. They return the smile, making my heart melt.

“So you are really going back on tour with us? I am glad. I can’t stand the medic we have now. He is so cocky. He has no personality whatsoever. I want our nurse back.” Niall smiles at me.

“Actually. I am not working this time. I am just kind of there for the ride.”

“What? No. Don’t say that. You have to get your old job back! Everyone will be so happy to see you back! You left so quickly and no one got to say goodbye! Not even us! You need to get your old job back.” Niall pointed out.

“You know. Right now, I just need a little vacation away from nursing. Just spend some time with all of y’all. Enjoy myself. And if later on down the road, there is always that option for me to go back.” I smiled back at him.

Me working was a sore spot with Louis. He didn’t want me working period. He wanted me at home. With the kids. With him. Right now, the idea sounds great. But who knows what the future holds for me.

 

******************************************************************************************

 

After dinner, Niall played a mini drum solo on Jayce’s drum set, solidifying his hero status is Jayce’s eyes. Addylee quickly got over her Zayn obsession, and had moved on to bigger and better things. Niall. Niall laughed at all the attention and flirting Addy gave him. He told her he loved her, and promised to marry her and buy her a diamond ring. Yes. She was definitely over Zayn now.

*****************************************************************************************

 

The next morning, we had to start lining our luggage by the front door to get ready for our flight out. We had people in and out of the house all morning. Addylee and Jayce were on cloud nine with excitement and were acting extremely well behaved. I had bought a lot of songs for Addy’s iPod, hoping it would keep her busy for the flight back to the US. Johanna and Dan showed up to kiss the twins goodbye and wish them good luck. Before lunch, we were loaded up in a van on our way to the airport. Addylee opened her carry on bag and pulled out her sunglasses to match her Daddy. I had to do a retake.

“You have got to be kidding me, Louis?” He looked over at Addylee and smiled back at me. She grinned at me and her baby Dior sunglasses complete with Swarovski crystals around the frame shined in the sun.

We arrived at the airport where we were escorted by Tobi, and our 3 new guards, Michael, Stefan and Dominic to our private plane. I thought we were on time, but I realized as we boarded the plane, we were the last to arrive. Everyone applauded as we stepped on the plane. Addylee quickly darted to sit by Niall. Jayce held tight to Harry’s hand to sit by him. I followed Louis and sat my stuff beside him. I walked over to Addylee and made sure it was okay with Niall she sat with him for the next 10 hours. He agreed, but I assured him, she would not be still for 10 hours. He buckled her in, and I moved onto Jayce. Jayce was already buckled in, with iPod in ears. Harry looked at me and smiled.

“I can handle him Brandi. Go sit down.” I smiled, knowing better. I give it 2 maybe 3 hours. He will be begging me to drug him with Benedryl.

I sat down by Louis.

“You ready?”

“I think so.” I smiled at him. He laced my fingers between his and kissed the back of my hand. He leaned his head back on the seat and looked out the window. A small smile crept on his face.


	14. Chapter 14

The screams were deafening. The chanting haunting. My children: terrified.

 

The airport in Boston was a centralized zone for craziness. But, we were in America. Finally. There were fans everywhere. One Direction was in the US and they were very much in demand. Me and the twins were escorted in front of the band with our three body guards ahead of the band. Louis was not happy with the idea, but when he saw the large amounts of girls screaming and chanting, he quickly agreed to let us go ahead and we would meet in the van. Stefan quickly carried Jayce, while Dominic was behind him with Addy. I followed closed behind with Michael. Everything was fine for us. Then there was the ear piercing scream as the boys stepped in to the terminal and a flock of girls flew past us. Addylee screamed, “Daddy!” but her scream was drowned out amongst the noise. A couple of girls turned to look at Addylee strangely but carried on to their destination; the boys.

 

We walked quickly to the van awaiting us. There was more and more people outside waiting. Signs in the air, singing, screaming. I was very happy to see the vans windows were blacked out. No one would pay any attention to who was getting in the van… now. Jayce sat down in his seat, wild eyed and confused, but said nothing. Addylee looked around upset.

 

“Mommy where’s Daddy? Why are they all screaming?”

 

I kissed her on the head and said calmly, “They scream because that’s how much they love your Daddy, Harry, Liam, Zayn and Niall. They scream to show they love them, Addy.” She nodded her head but continued to look for Louis.

 

Ten minutes later, the screaming erupted louder again. The boys were being shoved into the van. Addylee yelled ‘Daddy!’ as soon as she saw Louis get in the van, and he came towards the back to sit with her. Her face erupted into a huge smile, that quickly vanished.

 

“Daddy, that was scary.” She looked up at him and frowned. “Next time sing so the girls are not so sad.”

 

Louis smiled at her childlike thinking and said he ‘would try to next time.’

 

Jayce’s face quickly lit up as soon as Harry appeared in the van. They were both happy to see each other make it to the van.

 

***************************************************************************************

 

The twins had never stayed in a hotel. When we got to our two-bedroom suite, the twins were ecstatic over having their own room, own bathroom, and own kitchen area. I couldn’t really figure out what the big deal was. They pretty much had this at every house we stayed. But, whatever made them happy. They immediately set to playing house, Louis and I collapsed on the king-size bed in ’our house’ according to Addy. I had laid my head down for all of 5 minutes when Addy came knocking on ‘our front door.’

 

“Knock, Knock!” Addy says.

 

“Yes, Addy?” I mutter from my pillow.

 

“Mommy! I need eggs! I am making muffins!” Addy taps me on the shoulder.

 

“Addylee, I have no eggs.”

 

“Mommy? No eggs?… I need sugar.”

 

“Addy..”

 

“What kind of a neighbor are you!” Addylee put her hands on her hips. “This is pretend! Pretend muffins Mommy! I need eggs and sugar!” She pulls on her twin piggy tails in frustration. I hear Louis muffled laughter in his pillow and I smack him in the head with my pillow before dragging myself out of the bed. I walk to the bathroom and grab the first thing I spot. I hand her two hand soaps, and the ice pitcher.

 

“Here, eggs and sugar.” I smile, proud of my make pretend. She grabs them from my hand, and groans.

 

“Unka Harry is much better at this than you!” She goes to her room and shuts the door.

 

I return back to my bed and Louis props himself up on his arm, still laughing.

 

“That’s pretty bad when a little girl tells you, you are bad at pretending.” Smirking at me. 

 

“I am the queen of all that is pretend. I am just tired. She was absolutely wild on the plane, and still going 90 to nothing. I don’t know where she gets these bursts of energy.” I turn to my side to look at him better.

 

“She got that from me. You know she did.” He moves the hair outta my eyes. 

 

“Yes…I figured as much.” I puckered my lips into a pout. 

 

“So… you wanna play house with me?” Louis arched his eye brow at me. I groaned.

 

“I thought we were playing house. Isn’t this what this is? I’ve already gave you beautiful children. Next you buy me a great big house in the country, a cute little sports car, we travel the world together, and live happily ever after?” I scoot under him a little better, allowing him to lay on my side, looking at me directly.

 

“Yes, that is exactly right.” He gently kisses me. Almost too soft. I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him to me. His kisses become longer and breathtaking. He slides his hand up my shirt. And just as we get to the good stuff…

 

“Mommy?” Jayce asks, looking at me and Louis strangely. I drop my arms from Louis, he rolls off of me.

 

“Yes, baby?”

 

“I don’t wanna eat Addylee’s muffins. She’s crying now. I wanna play with you. “ Jayce crawls on the bed and rests his head on my stomach. Sweet Boy. Louis chuckles again, watching as Addylee emerges from her room sniffling. He jumps off the bed and quickly grabs her, tossing her in the air causing her to scream in giggles.

 

****************************************************************************************

 

That evening the boys had a radio interview then followed by a book signing session. We had dinner in the hotel restaurant. But even in the back of the restaurant, fan girls were staying in the hotel and snapping pictures on their phones as we ate. I figured, this would be when the first pictures of Jayce and Addylee would emerge online. I had my spy at home, Julie, keeping me posted of everything going on, even on the 1D forums.

 

It did not take much to get Addylee and Jayce to fall asleep that night. They were excited about the concert. They had been listening to the songs on their iPods, making up their own words as they went. Louis had an after dinner meeting with the crew, so I went to bed alone. But, when he came in for the night, I got a much welcomed surprise.

 

****************************************************************************************

 

That morning we were allowed to sleep in and it was love! We started the day around 12 with lunch and headed to the arena. It was huge. Addylee and Jayce ran around crazy up and down rows until sound check begun. Once, sound check began, they were sitting on the stage mesmerized, watching intently everything that went on. I knew how special this was for them to get this chance. Tonight, it would not be like this. There would be screaming, and screaming,… and well… yea. I took pictures of Jayce and Addylee sitting on an amp, singing along. It was precious! Niall would play a chord on his guitar and hit his foot pedal causing the amp to vibrate, causing riots of laughter from the twins. It was eventually time for the guys to get dressed and as predicted, Addylee was in a trance while Louis was getting his stage make up put on. She sat in Louis lap facing him and watched everything Lou did.

 

“Daddy. Your pretty.”

 

Louis laughed out loud. “Your prettier.”

 

“Yea. But I will be prettier when Lou does my make up.” She continued to watch and even “Tsk tsk…” when Lou brushed powder off Louis collar, causing Louis and Lou to laugh. Once Louis was done, Addylee turned around in Louis lap and jutted out her chin, ready for her make up. Lou gave her a quick little make over, mostly mascara and lip gloss, and Addylee was very happy. She walked over to me batting her eyes and I “ooh’ed and aww’d” over her. She smiled, very proud of herself. She walked past Zayn, stuck out her tongue, and carried on to Niall gladly welcomed the little girl’s attention.

 

**************************************************************************************

 

We had box seats luckily, so the twins didn’t need ear pierces. The twins were not happy about this, thinking they were too far away from the stage. I assured them they would see Daddy and Harry just fine on the big screen. It just wasn’t good enough. When the lights cut off, and the screams swelled in the arena, the twins screamed too. The pressed their little faces to glass panes, sitting on the window seal, and searched hard. Finally the lights came on, and the show began. They looked amazing. Jayce and Addylee squealed in excitement trying to sing every song the best they could. From where we sat, Louis looked tiny. But on the large screen he was so big the twins believed it was really him. They screamed and pointed and fought over who’s Daddy he was, then would rupture into giggles again. I stood behind the twins and smiled. I watched the screen. It was almost like Louis was looking up at our box and singing to us. Well, the twins suggested it. I agreed.

 

I saw a flash beside me. I turned my head to look, and another flash. Will.

 

“Brandi! Jayce and Addylee!” He hugged me and patted the twins on their heads, “How are you liking the show guys?”

 

“It’s awesome!” Jayce bounces up and down on knees from the window seal.

 

“Yea! I wanna do that Willie!” Addylee points down to the stage.

 

“Someday my child! Someday!” He grins at me. “Do you mind if I get a picture of all three of ya’ll? Louis asked to have a picture of the kids at their first concert.”

 

“You have time to take away from your managerial duties to come take pictures of little ole us?” I asked.

 

“For Louis, I do.” He looked at me curiously, and then gathered us together. We smiled big and bright, the twins bursting with happiness. I asked him to take a picture with my camera which he willingly obliged, then quickly disappeared. _Hmm.._

 

Stefan and Dominic asked us if we would like to return to behind the stage and the twins enthusiastically agreed to leave the box for back to the stage. Intermission would be coming up soon. We made our way behind the box and down the ramp to the stage. The twins jumped and giggled, clapping their hands. When Louis ran off the stage, he spotted the twins and grabbed them both up spinning them around. More camera flash. I look over, and see Will taking pictures. Louis looks over and puts the twins down. He cuts his eyes over at Will, who quickly turns around and walks away. Louis takes the twins by the hands and they head back to wardrobe and makeup.

 

“Why is he taking pictures Louis?” I ask concerned.

 

“I have no idea. But I suspect, it's not for himself.” Louis frowned, as Lou reapplied his make up.

 

“He told me you asked him to take the pictures.. Of the kids first concert and what not…” I threw in there.

 

“I never said anything like that. He is not doing this to benefit me. Don’t worry about it. I will find out what’s going on around here.” He squeezed my hand. I wasn’t concerned. I already knew Will had no plans of keeping Addylee and Jayce a secret. He wanted this out in the open. He wanted this to be the next day’s big story. But, the girls in the restaurant had already beat him. Pictures of Jayce and Addylee were popping up all over 1D Forums causing massive confusion and lots of questions but no panic. Mostly jealousy that the boys chose to hang out with toddlers. Pictures of us boarding the plane in London, and pictures of us in Boston. Sure, he had a picture. So did I.

 

The band returned to the stage and before we knew it, the show was coming to an end. The show ended with “Best Song Ever,“ Jayce’s favorite song. He stood on the side of the stage singing at the top of lungs, fists pumping in the air, imitating Louis and Harry, playing air guitar when necessary.

 

When the show ended, the boys went to a signing session and meet and greet for an hour and then we were able to head back to the hotel. Louis spoke to the other boys about what Will had done at the show, and they shook their head in disgust.

 

“You are just going to have to beat him at his own game.” Harry said to Louis and me. I nodded. I had an idea that I could do tonight.

 

“What if I released my pictures on twitter, or Tumblr or Instagram? And post my personal pictures? Surely my pictures are better than fan taken pictures or some stolen moment picture for money. This would make him so aggravated. You can’t make money off a picture that is already in circulation. And this way, I can introduce Jayce and Addylee on my terms. Let the fans ask me questions. Give them just enough to quench the thirst. This would send Will into fits.” I state, Louis nods.

 

“I don’t know. I mean, its just a blog. How much power can a Tumblr have?” Harry asks.

 

“Don’t underestimate Tumblr. You will underestimate your fans. Just let me see what I can do. Hell. I will probably get banned for posting family pictures anyways.” I laughed.

 

***************************************************************************************

 

Louis and the twins collapsed as soon as we got to our rooms. I was alone with my thoughts and laptop. My pictures were personal, but I’ll be damned if someone plans to profit off my children. I logged on to Tumblr and made a new tag entitled “Tomlinson Twins.” Surely that would grab some attention. I debated on what to say. How do you make the most dedicated of fans believe the impossible?

 

“Jayce Cole Tomlinson, Age 3. Born Feb 15 to Louis Tomlinson and Brandi Miller.”

“Addylee Monroe Tomlinson. Age 3. Born Feb 15 to Louis Tomlinson and Brandi Miller.”

 

I posted a picture of Louis holding Addylee, and Harry holding Jayce. In the picture, I had zoomed very close to their faces that there was no denying whose gene pool they came from. The next picture I posted was one of Addylee in her tutu dress being held by Louis. She had her infamous face-hold attention grab and was kissing Louis on the nose, he was grinning from ear to ear. The next picture was of Jayce and Louis, sitting in on the couch watching the TV intently, looking absolutely identical. Same eyes, same bone structure, same deep thought. Next, was of Louis in the bathroom bathing Jayce and Addylee. There were bubbles everywhere. Jayce had poured in extra soap when Louis wasn’t looking, followed by Addy who thought they needed extra bubbles, too. When Louis turned on the jet, a mess quickly dispersed and grew from the tub. The twins were ecstatic in the picture with Louis sitting on his knees by the tub, his hands pulling at his hair. I chuckled at the picture, remembering how much Louis had panicked. The last was of course, Louis and the twins asleep in our bed. A simple, sweet picture. Their bright blonde hair, contrasting with his brown. Addylee was asleep on his chest, Louis head lightly resting on top of hers, while Jayce had his arms wrapped around Addy. The sweetest of moments.

 

I sighed and seriously rethought posting my pictures. But I knew I had too. I ended my post with _‘Enjoy. Brandi.”_ And clicked send post. Too late now. I guess I would see what damage I caused in the morning.

 

I walked by the twins room, and stared at my sleeping babes. My heart thudded in my ears.

 

Please, God. Don’t let this be a mistake.


	15. Chapter 15

I woke to loud banging on the door.

 

“Louis! Open this fucking door!” Will yelled, banging and kicking at the door.

 

I sat up straight in the bed, heart racing. Louis jumped out of the bed, walking to the front door, eyes blazing with being woke up so rudely and opened the door.

 

“What the fuck--- Will?” Louis asks pissed. Will blows past him, making his way to our room.

 

“Where the fuck is she!?” Will yells, coming into the bedroom. Louis grabs him by his arm, but Will wrenches his arm from his grasp. I quickly get out of bed preparing for the worst. He spots me. Jayce and Addylee appear at their door, terrified.

 

“What the fuck have you done, you little whore? Did you honestly think you were doing something good? No! You have made everything worse!” He throws down magazines at my feet. “Are you happy now? You made the front page of every international gossip magazine today!” Will screams at me. Harry and Paul suddenly appearing in the room.

 

“I did no such thing! I introduced MY children on MY terms! I don’t even know where these pictures came from!” I stare at the magazine at my feet. The pictures were obviously not taken by me. I was in the picture.

 

“These pictures never would have made it in the spotlight if you would not have blabbed all over that website! Now every tongue is wagging! You are going to get your 15 minutes of fame now.”

 

“You are insane. What I put on the website has absolutely nothing to do with what is on this front page!” I screamed, picking up the magazines finally. The titles on the magazines were ignorant to say the least.

 

**  
*One Direction Secret Marriage!***

***One Direction Family Secrets!***

***Louis‘s Secret Life! Family Finally Exposed!***

 

“These are gossip magazines! People take what are in these with a grain of salt, Will! Why are you so mad? Someone beat you to it? Sure as hell wasn’t me. These are not my pictures you idiot!” I threw the magazines at him.

 

“You need to go now, Will.” Louis clenched and unclenched his fist.

 

“Will… This is low. For you? This is low.” Harry looked at Will in disgust. “How would she even take pictures of herself…dude. It’s called paparazzi. This is America. They are everywhere you go. Even in Boston. I think you are just pissed someone beat you to the magazines. And what Brandi does is none of your business. You need to leave.” Harry pointed the way to the door.

 

Will stood in the middle of the room, mad as hell. He spun around looking at everyone. Then threw his hands in the air.

 

“Fine! Fine! Make me out to be the bad guy! When all I was trying to do was make this easier for everyone! But that’s just fine! Don’t forget who got you where you are today!”

 

“Yea.. That would be us.. Who did that.’ Harry pointed out. “And Will. If you ever cause another fucking scene like that in front of my niece and nephew, I will personally see that you are gone. Forever.”

 

Will stomped out of the room slamming the door. I collapsed on the bed, the twins rushing into my arms. Louis sat beside me and wrapped his arms around me, kissing my hair.

 

“I cannot believe he did that. He is out of here. Today.” Louis said, looking at Harry.

 

“Something in him has changed. He’s wound up too tight. If he goes off like that again, who knows what he is capable of?” Paul pointed out, concern written all over his face. “He is too much of a risk factor right now. He thinks he can play God in your lives. He is very confused. He needs out of here. Now. I agree.”

 

Louis nodded and pulled Jayce into his arms. “I will take care of this.”

 

“I am with you, too” Harry agreed.

 

******************************************************************************************

 

Louis spent the better part of the morning on the phone, after we loaded the tour bus. The twins quickly forgot about the early morning show, and were running amuck on the bus. Today we were heading to Atlantic City, NJ.

 

I sat down at the dinette set and opened my laptop. I quickly went to Tumblr to pull up my tag. I was amazed to see my blog had not been shut down, but was an extremely hot topic. I read and read, page after page of comments. Most were encouraging comments, others wanting more, others just wanting to know what the hell was going on. I searched and searched for someone telling me what I was doing was wrong. I found none. I couldn’t comment on all. I just touched on the few that I felt would be brought up, a lot.

 

“How did you and Louis meet?”- _On tour, I was the Tour Nurse._

 

“Where have you been the last three years?” - _Home in Texas, raising little monsters =)_

 

“Are you and Louis engaged?”- _That would be a negative._

 

“Are you pregnant now?”- _Hell no._

 

“WE support you and Louis! We love Jayce and Addylee! Please keep us updated!” - _Thank you. And I will._

 

I quickly realized that Louis had the support of his fans, and that’s all that matters. I came to realize that the paparazzi were going to now stalk our every move. But as long as Louis fans stayed true, there was no greater love for us.

 

“What are you doing?” Louis sat beside me.

 

“Thanking all your fans.” I smiled, and moved my laptop to show him some of the comments. He smiled and nodded.

 

“Good. I knew this would happen. So, are you going to blog now?”

 

“I haven’t really decided. I think I may just add pictures here and there, to appease the appetite. As long as Jayce and Addylee are happy and safe, I will make sure your fans are happy too.”

 

“Listen.. About Will. I talked with corporate. They are flying to New Jersey now and will meet up with me and Harry to discuss Will in length. I am assuming termination is in his future. I am going to press that the job needs to go to Paul full time.”

 

I nodded. “Louis I hate this. Will has been with you for so long. For this to come between the band and him, it’s not right.”

 

“Will has changed. He isn’t the same manager. He’s greedy and attention starved. He’s a dangerous liability. He has to go. He has threatened you, Jayce and Addy. And I won’t stand for it.”

 

“I understand that. I just don’t want this to come back ten-fold.”

 

“It won’t. He has to learn from his mistakes. He has to go.” Louis looked at me seriously. I understood.

 

******************************************************************************************

 

We arrived in Atlantic City. The guys were quickly whisked off to a radio interview, which was extremely awkward. The DJ kept focusing on Louis and his personal life.

 

“So Louis! You have kids! Who knew?” DJ Lucky Larry said.

 

“Ahh.. Yea. Surprise!’ Louis said, laughing.

 

“So what’s it like being a dad to twins?”

 

“It's absolutely wicked. I thank the heavens above everyday for the many blessings in my life. I couldn’t be happier. Then again, I want to call my mom everyday and apologize for me and my sisters acting terrible everyday.”

 

“So, you were banging the tour nurse?”

 

“Uh..well…” Louis was caught off guard, causing Harry and the guys to go into fits of laughter.

 

“It’s okay dude. Nurses are hot.” DJ Lucky Larry laughed.

 

Then off to a signing session. When 3 o’clock arrived, it was to sound check for an hour. 6 o’clock was dinner. 8 was show time.

 

I held the twins hands as we entered the arena, the guards close behind us. The place was packed as usual, the screams unreal. I looked around the stadium and saw a bright orange sign that said, “We love Jayce and Addylee!” I smiled. The group of girls were wearing tutus similar to the one’s Addylee wore in her pictures. One girl had short blonde hair, and was spiked similar to the way Jayce donned his hair. I bent down to the twins.

 

“You have fans!” I pointed to the orange sign by the side stage. “It says we love Jayce and Addylee!” The twins smiled at me and laughed.

 

“Can we meet them Mommy?” Addylee asked, Jayce in agreement.

 

“I don’t mind, but you need to ask Stefan and Dominic.” The guards quickly scoped out the surroundings and agreed.

 

We walked over to the group of girls, who quickly recognized who we were and they started screaming.

 

“I like your tutu!” Addylee yelled over the screaming, causing more riots of screaming, making Addylee laugh. The girls quickly calmed down and started asking the twins questions. The twins ate the attention up. They asked for autographs.

 

“I can’t write!” Jayce responded.

 

“Me either!” Addylee agreed.

 

We laughed and they handed me the orange sign. I took each twins hand, and helped them sign their names. They asked for pictures which the twins eagerly agreed, too, with me in the picture. I tried to get out of the picture, but they wouldn’t have it any other way. Jayce flirted, causing giggles. I could see the little Harry in him trying to come out.

 

“I will post this on Tumblr!” A young red head, Lilly, said to me.

 

“I would like to see it. Thank you.” I smiled at her.

 

“You are very sweet in person. I am glad to have met you. You have beautiful children.”

 

I thanked her and we made our way back to behind the stage as the light dimmed. The guitar riff’s began, and the twins were in a trance again.

 

“Mommy?” Jayce tugged on my jeans. “Can we go meet more girls?” Lord. _Harry Jr._

 

******************************************************************************************

 

We loaded the bus and were going to make the short 2 hour drive to New York, NY. I was happy we were getting to spend the night in a hotel. The twins had their own bunks on the bus, Louis and I had a bed in the back of the bus, but a hotel was so much nicer.

 

The meeting after the show did not go well. There was screaming and cursing, mostly from Will’s stand point in the dressing room. The band was unanimous that Will leave for an extended amount of time, if not indefinitely. He left, against his will, but made sure we all knew he would return.

 

“Unka Harry?” Jayce asked.

 

“Yea buddy?” Harry replied.

 

“What does this say?” Jayce unrolled a small piece of paper and handed it to Harry.

 

“It looks like a phone number. Who‘s Carrie?” Harry asked.

 

“That girl? She put in my hand. Why would she give me her phone number?” Jayce asked confused. Harry snorted, then chuckled hard.

 

“Oh my child!” He grabbed Jayce and started to tickle him. “3 years old and already a master of the digits!” Jayce tried to dodge the tickles, laughing.

 

“Unka Harry! Stop it!” Jayce squealed. 

 

“Brandi! Louis! Come here!” Harry yelled.

 

I came from the back of the bus and saw my red face child. “What’s wrong?”

 

“Unka Harry tickled me!” Jayce laughed.

 

Harry handed Louis the small piece of paper. I looked over at it, my mouth dropped. Louis laughed.

 

“Way to go son!” Louis high fived Jayce. Jayce proud of his accomplishment he doesn’t yet understand.

 

“Louis! Don’t encourage him! I can’t believe this! He’s three! Who gives a three year old their phone number?!” I asked astonished. Then realized.. “Oh.. They wanted him to give it to Harry? Or Louis?”

 

Louis and Harry laughed. “Yea, I am pretty sure they didn’t want to jump in bed with Jayce here.” Harry ruffled Jayce’s hair. “but then again, I have seen and heard stranger things.”

 

******************************************************************************************

 

Our hotel in New York was heaven sent. Addylee and Jayce had separate beds but somehow managed to fight over who would get what bed. I slept well that night. Peaceful, knowing no one would be there in the morning to ruin my mood like that rat bastard Will could. We had a 4 day stay in New York and I was so excited.

 

Our afternoon started as usual. The concert here had sold out in 10 minutes. So the band decided to add a 2nd show that sold out in 30 minutes. The 3rd show added sold out within 45 minutes. The guys had a lot of press to attend to so me and the twins were cut loose for the day, with our guards of course. Louis was upset he couldn’t go with us so he sent the 1D camera man, Sebastian, to record the twins at the zoo.

 

We left around lunch to head to the New York Aquarium. The paparazzi were out as we left snapping pictures. Jayce and Addylee casually smiled and waved, never knowing any difference from a paparazzi from a regular person taking pictures.

The zoo was packed for a hot June day. We walked around going from exhibit to the next, the twins running excitedly, causing Stefan and Dominic panic, running around in chaos themselves. I stayed back with Michael and Sebastian.

“Do you want to use some of this footage for 1D TV?” Sebastian asked.

“If you want too. You’ve been doing this for so long. I am sure you know what’s safe to put up.” I smiled and watched as Jayce and Addylee ran from the Stefan and Dominic. Sebastian laughed and recorded as the guards ran in frustration from window to window chasing twins looking at the water mammals.

We walked to the outside exhibit where they had the tigers cubs out. Addylee and Jayce walked over to the cubs and pet them shyly. I took pictures as much as I could. Addylee pet the cub.

“Such a pretty kitty! Yes you are!” She scratched the cub. “Mommy! I want one!”

I groaned. Of course she did. “Tell your Daddy baby. Not me.” There. Solved that one.

“Mommy, call Daddy for me!” Addylee said.

“Why Addy?”

“I miss him. I need to talk to him.” She said sweetly. I looked at her curiously. She’s a smart little thing. Conniving. Sebastian flipped the camera over to me and I rolled my eyes. I pulled my phone out of my purse and dialed Louis handing the phone to Addy.

“ ‘allo?”

“Daddy?”

“Yes, baby?”

“Daddy, I need you to buy me a tiger. A real tiger. Not a fake tiger. A real tiger.” She said seriously into the phone.

I assumed Louis was either silent, or laughing because Addy repeated, “Daddy? Daddy???” Into the phone several times.

“Why do you need a tiger? You have Bear.”

“Daddy. I need the kitty to protect me. Bear sleeps too much.”

“Addylee. Let me talk to your Mommy.”

“Mommy’s busy.”

“Addy, are you fibbing?”

Silence.

“Addy?”

“Well.. If you won’t buy me a tiger, can you buy me a platypus?” Louis cackled hysterically.


	16. Chapter 16

A month on tour had passed without incident. The twins tag on the blog was blowing up, and they were becoming more and more popular. The tour was thriving. The guys were tired, as usual, but they always seemed to have that second wind hit. I was bored out of my mind. I should have been happy and thrilled to be on tour. But I was just the opposite. I missed work. I missed my patients. I missed feeling like someone needed me.

 

I laid in bed that night and listened to Louis snore lightly. I rolled over and sighed. Something has got to give. I could go back to being a tour nurse. Right? I mean… how often would they actually need me with the medic on board? I groaned and thought of Jayce and Addylee. I have worked since they were born. They don’t know anything different. Then there was Louis. Damnit Louis. He was the one ruining this. I needed to work. Keep myself busy.

 

“Louis!” I nudged him in his sleep. He groaned.

 

“Louis!” I nudged him again.

 

“No. Go to sleep.”

 

“Louis….?”

 

He flopped his head over at me and groaned again. “What?”

 

“I need to talk to you!” I grin sheepishly.

 

“Brandi.. It’s 2 in the morning. Can it wait?”

 

I pout. “Fine.” I flip back over and sigh. I kick the covers off.

 

He groans and flips to his side, wrapping his arms around my stomach.

 

“What? What is it baby? It must be important to wake me up. So tell me.” He kisses me behind my ear.

 

“No. You don’t want to hear it right now. Go back to sleep.”

 

“Brandi!”

 

“I want to go back to work!” I spit out.

 

“What?” He groaned.

 

“I want to go back to work.”

 

“Absolutely not.” He lets go of me and lays back.

 

“Why not?”

 

“Because I said so.”

 

“And when did you start making the rules?” I want to argue badly now. 

 

“Since.. Now. Brandi. You don’t need to work. I will work and support us. There is no need in you having to get up every day and go to work. Why is that so much of a problem?”

 

“Because I am bored!” I sit up in the bed, frustrated.

 

“How can you be bored?” He asks incredulously.

 

“I don’t know! I just am! I watch Jayce and Addylee day in and day out. I only talk to you and the guys. I have no female companionship!”

 

“That’s not true you have Lou and Caroline! And Helena!” Louis wants to argue now. 

 

“Please tell me you are not serious Louis!”

 

“Wait.. Are we fighting here?” He asks.

 

“Yes!”

 

“Brandi! You talk to Julie daily!”

 

“I know I do! But I need to see her. I need to touch her!”

 

“I don’t understand.”

 

“No. You wouldn’t! You’re a guy!”

 

“What does that mean?”

 

“It means you are being an ignorant ass! As usual!” I hit him with my pillow for effect. He laughs. “Don’t you dare laugh at me Louis Tomlinson!”

 

“I can’t help it! You’re so funny when you’re mad!” I groan, making him chuckle.

 

I slide out of the bed. “Wait! Where are you going!?” He laughs trying to grab me.

 

“To sleep with Harry. Your face is irritating me.”

 

He quickly jumps out of bed, and tackles me. We fall to the floor causing a loud “oomph!” when we land. He kisses me in between laughs, and pulls my legs around his waist, situating me on top of him.

 

“You would choose Harry over me?” He runs his teeth over my collarbone.

 

“As long as you keep doing that. No.” I close my eyes and sigh.

 

*****************************************************************************************

 

That morning we were on the bus on our way to Kansas City, MO.

 

Jayce and Addylee sat at the dinette set coloring with Niall.

 

“Mommy?” Jayce asked

 

“Yes baby?”

 

“When do we go back to big kid school?” I smiled. They loved the daycare center or as we called it "school.”

 

“When do you want to go back?”

 

“When Daddy is done singing?” He asks me.

 

“Baby, Daddy won’t be done singing for a while. Can you wait that long?” He looks at me and thinks hard.

 

“Nope. I need to go to school. So I can get smart.”

 

“Good boy!” Niall ruffles Jayce’s hair. “You don’t wanna grow up and be a stupid rock star!”

 

Jayce looks at him and smiles. "No Niley! I wanna grow up and be a smart rock star!”

 

I laugh with Niall.

 

“What are you laughing about?” Louis plops down beside me.

 

“Jayce. Wants to go back to school.”

 

“Eww. Why would you want to go back to school?” Louis asks causing me to smack his arm.

 

“So I can get smarter.” Jayce grins, his eyes crinkling. 

 

“He wants to be a smart rock star.. Unlike the people he hangs around. Minus me." Liam adds.

 

“I think Jayce and Addylee needs a tutor…a built in nanny too. So I can go back to work." I add in. Louis looks at me and glares.

 

“No.”

 

“I think it would be good. We can get them a Nanny, who teaches, one that can teach languages! She can teach Jayce and Addylee French and German!”

 

“I can teach Jayce and Addylee French.” Louis adds.

 

“You're busy. You don’t have the time or the patience to teach someone to speak French. Plus, I have heard what you teach people to speak in French. It’s not appropriate for a child.” Louis snickers at that comment.

 

“Come on Louis!” I tug on his arm.

 

“WE can talk to some Nannies. But I can’t promise anything. I would like to talk with Jayce and Addylee behind your back though.” He smiles.

 

“You do that anyways, in English.” I grinned back.

 

“And even IF we find a Nanny/Teacher we agree on, does not mean you can go back to work.”

 

“You want to go back to work Brandi?” Liam interrupts.

 

“I do. But Louis here doesn’t think it’s the right time. He wants me to sit here and twiddle my thumbs while he has all the fun.”

 

“That’s not true! If you want to come back on board as a TOUR NURSE then fine, I can agree to that. But if you want to go back into the hospital, then no. I have a problem with that.”

 

“That’s what I want to do, Louis! I want to be the Tour Nurse again! I never said anything about the hospital! You wouldn’t let me get it all out last night.”

 

“I want Brandi to be the Tour Nurse again.” Niall adds.

 

“Me too!” Zayn takes his headphones off while playing on his computer.

 

“I third that!” Harry comes from the back room on the bus.

 

“I 4th it” Paul agrees.

 

“Just waiting on you brother.” Harry smiles.

 

“Unreal. I said I am fine with her doing the tour nurse. Just not hospitals. That’s all.” Louis rolls his eyes.

 

“So we are all in agreement then.”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Yes!”

 

“Yes.”

 

“YES.”

 

“Then we all agree. Brandi is back on board for tour nurse. Demote the Medic!” Niall claps.

 

“Brandi still sleeps with Louis for future references.” Harry adds.

 

“She tried to sleep with you last night!” Louis laughs. Harry is intrigued.

 

“And how did that go?” Harry asks.

 

“I tackled her to the ground and showed her who boss of course.”

 

“and…?”

 

“I was tired of looking at his face. Decided I would come look at yours.” I added. “And it is such a beautiful face! I swear I have seen one just like it!

 

“Brandi… you are so strange when things start going your way.” Harry smiled.

 

“I know!” I smile and clap my hands.


	17. Chapter 17

We landed in Los Angeles a few days later. Ahh. LA. The land of sinners. I was beyond giddy. Today I got to go back to Columbia and resign my contract.

 

I walked into the studio with Michael and was taken directly back to Human Resources. It was all prearranged. Pretty much like being pre-approved for buying a car. The paperwork was all complete. I just had to sign on the dotted line. I was handed a laptop which I hugged and kissed graciously. I spoke with the on call doctor as I had in the past, and given a list of tasks to complete by the end of the month. I was briefed on all the medications kept on stock and to keep a daily track and count, and which staff members had certain conditions that were to be monitored. I smiled. Thank God. Work. It was the best 3 hours of the tour I had had away so far. When we left, I glanced at my phone and saw I had 6 missed calls from Louis. Of course I did.

 

“My God. He called six times! Six times! He knew exactly where we were going Michael!” I groaned.

 

Michael chuckled. “I think he was trying to talk you out of it.”

 

“You think?” I snorted. “It’s not like I am going to be far, far away. I will be taking care of him!” I cradled my new laptop to my chest. “He will have to get over it. That’s all there is too it. Simply build a bridge, and get over it.” I looked out the window as we arrived back at the hotel, frowning at the swarms of girls standing with posters and chanting. Same Shit, different city. Michael parked the rented car, and huddled next to me as we got out.

 

The screams grew louder when they saw me approaching the entrance of the hotel. We started to walk faster, when a girl reached out, grabbing and scratching my arm, causing me to loose my footing off of the sidewalk and fall to the ground. I hit the ground with a ‘thud’, landed on the arm just scratched, and the ripped flesh stung horribly, not to mention my pride. Michael helped gather me up, as I sat on the ground cursing and nursing my bleeding arm, picking gravel out of my wound, as a swarm of girls enveloped us. He tossed me over his shoulder, which caused me to cuss me more and we made it to the inside of the lobby.

 

I rode the elevator upside down, looking at Michael’s backside, blood running down my arms from my elbow. The blood rushing to my head.

 

“Please put me down!”

 

“Not till we get to your room!” Michael said upset.

 

“Michael please! It’s not your fault! I fell down.”

 

“No. Not till we get to your room.”

 

We get to the 22nd floor and he beats on the door. Louis casually answers the door and laughs when he sees me upside down.

 

“Are you in trouble honey?” He tilts his head sideways.

 

Michael freaks out. “I didn’t do my job Louis! I am sorry! I let her out of my sight. I let her out of my grasp for two seconds, and they grabbed her and pulled her down. I am so, so sorry.” Michael rambles on. Louis pales.

 

“Please put me down, before I throw up, or pass out. I am about to do either or….” I groan as he sits me down on the sofa. Louis gasps as he sees the blood running down my arm, staining my blouse.

 

“Oh my god. Brandi.” Louis grabs my arm and holds it up to inspect it. “Michael, go get the Steve.”

 

“Oh Louis! No. I don’t want that idiot paramedic for a scratch. I can doctor this myself.” I stand up and walk towards the bathroom.

 

Addylee comes out of her room and follows me to the bathroom.

 

“Ooh. Mommy! Your bleeding!” She inspects my arms.

 

“I know. I think Mommy needs to borrow one of your band aids.”

 

“I think you need two band aids, Mommy.” Addylee looks at my arm again. I run hot water over my arm and clean it with soap. I hear Michael and Louis talking gruffly but I ignore it. Louis always takes everything personally. Addy comes back with two princess band aids. Cinderella and Jasmine. I hold the rag on my arm trying to stop the blood flow. When it looked like it had stopped, I let Addy apply the two band aids to my elbow. She kisses my elbow, to make it feel better of course. I look at the 3-finger scratch mark running down my arm and sigh. That actually stings more than the elbow. Stupid idiot fan girl. I kiss Addylee on the cheek and thank her. She smiles.

 

We walk back out of the bathroom and she puts her band aid box back in her purse. I look at the purse. A hot pink and silver Coach purse.

 

“Addylee…where did this purse come from?” I ask curiously.

 

“Daddy bought it for me! And look!” She runs back to her room, then races back out. “Matching shoes!” She shows off the shiny silver flats with hot pink flowers with ‘Coach’ in cursive writing. I groan for the umpteenth time that day.

 

“Louis!”

 

“Mommy! Don’t yell at Daddy! I needed them!” She pleads.

 

“No you didn’t Addy! You have too many purses now. You have too many pairs of shoes. You don’t need anymore. I can hardly zip your suitcase now.”

 

“We can buy another suitcase?” Addylee asks.

 

“No Addy. That’s not how it works.’

 

“That’s what Daddy does.”

 

“Daddy is special.”

 

“So am I!” She stamps her foot.

 

“Why are you two fighting?” Louis asks.

 

“Because you spoil her. Daily.” I look at him, pointing to the shoes.

 

“She needed them. She told me she needed them. Her other shoes were torn.” Louis smiled, lying for Addylee.

 

“Oh no. Bring me the torn shoes Addylee. Now.” Addylee’s eyes widen and she looks at Louis.

 

“Brandi. It’s just shoes.”

 

“And a purse.”

 

“And a purse. It’s okay. She isn’t completely spoiled yet. But we can fix that.” He picks her up and kisses her on the cheek. She giggles.

 

“Where is my corrupt son?”

 

“He is with Harry and Niall. They went to the Gibson Guitar store. Niall ordered Jayce his own custom made guitar to fit his little arms so he could start teaching him lessons. Took them a while to make the guitar. Niall had Jayce measured in London…I thought you knew that. ”

 

“Oh for Christ’s sake.” I pulled my hair, trying to emphasize my frustration.

 

“Baby! You need to calm down!”

 

“This is me calm. This is my calm face.” I pointed to my face.

 

He laughs at me and put Addylee down. “There is nothing wrong with buying your children everything they want.”

 

“Louis. Jayce and Addylee use to get excited when I bought chocolate pudding cups. Now I have to compete with guitars, laptops and Coach purses.”

 

“They still get excited when you buy chocolate pudding cups. I get excited when you buy chocolate pudding cups.” He grinned and pulled at my waist.

 

“You are a pervert.”

 

“Yea. But you like it.”

 

“No. Not right now. I don’t like it at all.”

 

“Yes you do.”

 

“No I don’t.”

 

“Jayce is turning into Harry junior.” I frowned.

 

“Why do you say that?”

 

“He flirts with woman much older than him. He is getting phone numbers from women, for Harry. His ears…are pierced. Harry buys his clothes without my knowledge. He actually called me ‘Mami’ the other day, because Harry told him too. Harry is a bad influence.”

 

“Harry adores Jayce. Of course he wants Jayce to be his mini-me.”

 

“But he is your son. He should be your mini-me.”

 

Louis laughed. “I think Addylee is doing pretty good.”

 

“Yes. She is isn’t she? She makes your purses look pathetic.”

 

“It’s not a purse. It’s a murse. It’s a man purse.”

 

“No baby. A murse is a man nurse.”

 

“No it’s not.”

 

“I am not arguing with you Louis.” I smile again.

 

“How is your arm?”

 

“It stings where I was scratched. Where I fell on my elbow is not so bad.” I show him the scratch down my forearm.

 

“I’m sorry baby.”

 

“Why? It’s not your fault. It’s not Michael’s either. I just lost my footing when that girl grabbed me. I just won’t wear heels anymore when I go out. To dangerous.”

 

“You got all your papers signed? Your legit now?”

 

“I am. You have to listen to me. Everything I say. I am the voice of reason.”

 

“Right. Did you hit your head when you fell too?” Louis turns my chins to inspect my face. 

 

“Hush. I already have a bunch of stuff to do! Makes me wonder what exactly that Steve guy gets paid to do!”

 

“I have no idea. He just stands around, looking pissed off at everyone. Then when he is asked to do something, he looks pissed off again. I really wish they would just get rid of him.”

 

“How many people have applied for the nanny position?” He groaned when I ask. He had been avoiding the nanny situation like the plague.

 

“A few. It’s hard. Tobi has been doing the interviews so far.”

 

“Why? I thought Paul was going too?”

 

“Tobi asked. He felt that since he was responsible for the twins, he could scope out a creepy nanny. Weed through them and spot the bad apples. He will narrow them down today, and then we get to interview them in the next couple of days ourselves. He just doesn’t want them to meet you and me first, then word spread like wild fire who is trying to hire a nanny.”

 

“Wow. Tobi really got involved.” I was impressed.

 

“Yes he did. He keeps texting me. It’s quite funny actually. But, he is taking it quite seriously. I just hope we are making the right decision.”

 

“We are. Jayce and Addylee need to have someone to watch them when we can’t be around. They need a tutor or they will fall behind kids their age.”

 

“I didn’t start school till I was 5. And I turned out fine.”

 

“Louis, we are not going to discuss this anymore. We are getting a nanny. Period.”

 

“Fine. Fine. But when it doesn’t work, I will be the first to tell you, ‘I told you so.”

 

I rolled my eyes. “Whatever Louis. And for the record. You did not turn out fine. You just look it.”


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a silly fun chapter.

I sat on the couch with my legs propped under me. Louis sat beside me chewing on his pen cap staring bored at the young girl in front of him. Harry and Tobi sat at the table playing 20 questions with the young girl who came into interview. She fidgeted nervously. The first two girls who we interviewed were no’s back to back. Not because they knew who the band was, but because they had absolutely no personality. They never once smiled. Never laughed. And the last one even rolled her eyes. I sent her out immediately.

 

“You are fluent in German?” Harry asked.

 

“Yes sir. I speak German, French, Spanish, and I am trying to learn Japanese. Konichiwa.” She said smiling. Harry laughed and asked her some random questions in French. She answered fluently, which irritated Louis.

 

“I’m sorry. What was your name again?” Louis asked sharply.

 

“Heather.” She said scared.

 

“How old are you Heather?

 

“I am 22 sir.”

 

“She’s 22! Brandi! She is a year younger than me! And you want her to teach and watch our children?” Louis threw up his arms.

 

“I like her!” I smiled at Heather. “Where are you from Heather? Can I call you that?”

 

“Minnesota ma’am, and yes, Heather is fine.”

 

“Please, call me Brandi. Ignore Louis. He’s partly retarded from wearing his pants to tight for too many years. Lack of blood supply to the brain. And it’s his time of the month. Minnesota! Beautiful weather in Minnesota!”

 

“Yes ma’am.”

 

“You do realize that this job requires you to be away from Minnesota, and on the road a majority of the year. You would end up going home with us to London, at times too. And your closest companions will be two very vivacious three year olds, if you get the job.”

 

“I understand that. I have no problem with that at all actually. I am ready to get out and see the world. And if my job is to be a nanny and a tutor to see the world, then I will take this job by the horns. I will see it through.” She mimicked grabbing a pair of horns with her hands. 

 

“Good! I like your determination.” I smiled at her. 

 

“I still have some questions if you are done insulting me. They are my kids, too. I do not see why Harry is getting to ask all the questions.” Louis adds. I smirk.

 

“Because he is asking questions that may pertain to what’s going on. But go on. Ask away.” I wave my hand.

 

“How do you feel about having bamboo stakes shoved up your fingernails?” Louis leaned forward in all seriousness

 

“I-” Heather stuttered. 

 

“Louis!” I, Harry and Tobi screamed.

 

“What?! I am just asking. She should know the punishment for betraying me and my children.” Louis shrugged his shoulders like this all made perfect sense. 

 

“Your insane! You are loony bin material, Louis!” I smack him with a pillow. “He is just kidding. He would never, ever do that.”

 

“Uh, yes. Yes, I would.” Louis scrunched his face.

 

I cut my eyes at him. “No, You wouldn’t! Quit scaring her!”

 

I look over at Heather to see her eyes as large as saucers. “He doesn’t even have access to bamboo stakes.” I add hoping to give her some kind of relief. She nods.

 

“Heather, thank you so much for coming. We… Will call you as soon as we come to a decision okay?” I stand up and shake her hand. She smiles politely and shakes my hand followed by everyone else in the room, bypassing Louis.

 

“I like her!” Louis says when she leaves.

 

“Why did you do that?” I smack him upside the head.

 

“Ow!” He rubs his head. “Do what? I just wanted to see how she would respond under pressure! She did very well!’

 

“You can’t threaten the Nannies! Females do not respond well to threats Louis!” I groan, rubbing my temples. 

 

“I wasn’t threatening her. Just testing the waters! That’s all! Bring on the next one! She’s the last one right? I am starving.” He pats his stomach. 

 

“Be nice!” I warn.

 

“I am always nice.” He smiles wickedly. 

 

Tobi escorts the next young lady in. She comes in cautiously then stares at Louis then Harry. She laughs. Then turns around to walk back out.

 

“Wait. Where are you going?” I ask.

 

“This is a joke right?” She asks. “Am I on a candid camera?” She looks around the room suspiciously.

 

“No, not at all. Why would you think that?” I ask genially. 

 

“Uhm? Them.” She points to Louis and Harry.

 

“Oh. They can leave if you want.” I say.

 

“No. I have to stay. Harry can leave.” Louis puts in his two cents.

 

“No I stay, too. I am invested in my niece and nephew’s welfare.” Harry adds his input.

 

“Guys! You are making her uncomfortable!” I look down at the sheet. “Kala right?”

 

“Yes. Kala. I don’t understand what’s going on here. When did One Direction have children?” She asks suspiciously. 

 

“Uh.. About 3 months ago.” Harry says.

 

“But when I interviewed yesterday, the children were 3 years old.”

 

“The children are 3 years old. Louis just met his kids for the first time 3 months ago.” Harry flirts.

 

“Oh. I see.” She looks concerned.

 

“Thank you Harry. For spilling all of our family secrets.” I smile at Kala. “Please, have a seat.”

 

I speak with Kala for 30 minutes about teaching and being a nanny. I find her amazing and therapeutic. She trains horses and dogs in her spare time, which causes Harry and Louis to fall for instantly and immediately and forget about Jayce and Addy’s schooling. I chat with her easily and I find myself an instant friend in her. I thank her for coming and she leaves for the day.

 

“So.. It’s between Heather and Kala?” Louis says.

 

“No not at all.” I said.

 

“Yea I am with Brandi.” Harry agrees.

 

“What?” Louis sighs.

 

“I am hiring both of them.”

 

“Are you serious?” Louis asks.

 

“Yes. I am. I think having both of them is what the twins need. I think Jayce would excel with Kala, and Addylee would do great with Heather. It just seems right. And if later on down the road, if one of the nannies decide this is not what they want, then I always have the other.”

 

“This is true.” Louis nods.

 

“I know. I am a genius.” I smile.

 

“Plus, I can have me a Heather and Kala sandwich.” Harry smiles.

 

“No. Harry. The nannies are not for you pleasure. The nannies are for Jayce and Addylee.” Louis reprimands Harry.

 

“We will let Heather and Kala make that decision.” Harry strokes his chin.

 

“Harry you're not sleeping with the nannies.” I agree with Louis.

 

“Like I said…They can make the ultimate decision.” Harry nods his head.

 

“You are such a pig, you know that?” I groan.

 

*****************************************************************************************

 

That night I called Heather and Kala to tell them the news. They were both excited and would be meeting us this evening to meet Jayce and Addylee.

 

“So Nanny Heather is my teacher?” Addylee asked as I brushed her hair.

 

“Yes. And she is going to teach you French and German! And how to read and write your name.”

 

“And Nanny Kala is Jayce’s teacher?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“So I don’t have to listen to Nanny Kala?”

 

“Yes you do. You have to listen to all grown ups. Especially Nanny Kala.”

 

“But she is not ‘my’ nanny.”

 

“Addy. Don’t argue. She is both your nanny’s. She is just Jayce’s teacher okay?”

 

“Ok…fine. But I don’t have to play with her?” Addy pulls on her piggy-tail.

 

“Addy just be nice to Nanny Kala okay?”

 

Addylee laughed. “I am just playing Mommy! I will be nice.”

 

Jayce walked up to me and wrapped his little arms around my neck and kissed me the cheek. I put his wax in his hair and set spiking it in the usual fashion. He walks over to Louis bag and pulls out Louis cologne and liberally sprays it on.

 

“Jayce!” I grabbed the bottle.

 

“What?” He asked innocently.

 

“Baby you don’t wear cologne, especially not that much!”

 

“But Unka Harry says, if you want to impress the ladies, you need to smell good.” He says sweetly.

 

“That’s why we take baths, baby.”

 

“Jayce… you stink.” Addylee pinches her nose and fans the air.

 

“Daddy wears this.” Jayce sniffs himself.

 

“Not that much.” Addylee pulls her shirt over face.

 

I laugh at the twins and there is a knock at the door. I peek through the hole and see it’s Kala. I open the door and invite her in. The twins quickly rush to the door to meet their new nanny.

 

“Hi guys!” She bends down to eye level and introduces herself. Jayce and Addylee begin to hammer her with questions. She laughs trying to keep up.

 

Another knock.

 

I let Heather in. I introduce Kala to Heather and prepare Heather for the madness ahead. Addylee immediately attached herself to Heather. I excuse myself to let them have a while to get to know the twins.

 

***************************************************************************************

 

“Harry!” I run down the sidewalk, my flip flops smack on the pavement by the pool.

 

“Brandi…announce to everyone my location.” He slowly pulls down his sunglasses.

 

“Where is Louis?”

 

“He was over there.” He points to Louis asleep, sunbathing.

 

“I need your key card.”

 

“To my room?”

 

“What else would I need a key card too Harry?” I ask.

 

“And why do you need my key card?”

 

“Because I do.”

 

“No.” Harry says flat out.

 

“Harry please!” I beg.

 

“Tell me why.”

 

“Because! I have two nannies, watching my children, in my room, for the next hour or so. I really need to borrow your room Harry!” I plead.

 

Harry smiles at me. “You want to use my room?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“You can’t use my bed.”

 

“Fine! Key card, Please.”

 

Harry takes his time to drag his key card out of his wallet. I stand there tapping my foot, to emphasize my wait time. He hands it to me and I take off to wake Louis.

 

“Louis! Louis!” I shake him. He groans.

 

“Louis! Wake up! We have an hour! The clock is ticking!” I hear Harry laughing in the distance.

 

“We have an hour till what?” He asks sleepily.

 

“Till the nannies leave! Come on! Get up! Move!” I pull on his arms, trying to budge him from the chair.

 

He sighs and stands up. “Where are we going exactly?”

 

“Harry’s room.”

 

“Why Harry’s room?” He asks concerned. 

 

“Louis. Why are you so dense? She freaking horny man. Look at her pacing!” Harry slaps Louis on the back. Louis cocks his eye brow at me. I point at my watch to show we are wasting time and then point to the door.

 

“Ohhhh..” Louis says. The light finally coming on.

 

“Not on my bed!” Harry says as we leave.

 

**********************************************************************************

 

Louis tosses me down on the bed.

 

“Oh my god I have missed you!” I groan as he kisses me.

 

He looks down at me and smiles. “We just did this 2 nights ago.”

 

“Yea. But I am in the mood to scream. I am really happy. And fucking horny and I wanna scream.”

 

He laughs. “Scream away baby.”


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> HUGE chapter! Very Important stuff going on!

“Texas!” I screamed from my seat. Everyone looked at me crazily. “What?” I asked.

 

I sat squirming in my seat on the bus as we crossed the Texas state line. Home. I looked over at Kala and Jayce in intense negotiations over the difference between map colors and crayons. Heather and Addylee were sitting at the table working on Addylee’s “A’s” so she could start perfecting her autograph.

 

I blew the air out of my mouth and leaned back in the seat.

 

“Would you like to get out and kiss the ground?” Harry asks cockily.

 

“Shut your face. Do you feel that? How smooth the roads are? Only Texas puts that kind of money in their roads! You won’t find smoother roads anywhere else.” I smile looking out the window.

 

“You need help for knowing crap like that.” Harry laughs.

 

“We are taught that as children!” I laugh and look over to Louis who is being extremely quiet. “What’s wrong baby?”

 

“Nerves.” He rubs his stomach.

 

“You feel sick? What hurts?” I asked going into nurse mode.

 

“Just my stomach…it’s churning. I feel anxious.”

 

“What did you eat last?” I ask.

 

“I don’t think it’s what I ate. I think its because we are here. In Texas.” He says quietly.

 

“What?” I'm confused. 

 

“I’m just nervous.” He looks at me pathetically.

 

“What are you nervous about?”

 

“Oh you know… just meeting Julie… and your Mom and sister. That’s a big one.” He puffed his cheeks.

 

“I see.” I grinned.

 

“She is going to eat me alive.” He lays his head on his arms.

 

“Julie? Probably. But that’s why you have body guards, babe.” I laugh. 

 

“And your mom?” He voice is barely a whisper.

 

“You talk to my mom and my sister all the time, Louis. She isn’t going to hurt you.”

 

“I like my head. And my face. When she destroys me, make sure you attach them back.” He frowned. I patted his hand sympathetically.

 

“She isn’t going to kill you that much. Just remind you, that you were an idiot. She deserves that much.”

 

**********************

 

We arrived at the American Airlines Center in Dallas around noon. I was giddy with excitement. Jayce and Addylee were bouncing just as much as I was, excited to see their Mamie, my sister Danielle, and Aunt Juju, her husband Thien. My girlfriends from home, Jenna, Grace, Elizabeth and Victoria would be driving that night to attend the show. I had backstage passes for everyone and could not wait to see their faces when they came.

 

I watched as the guys set up for rehearsal. The twins and nannies playing in the aisles.

 

“Mamie!” Addylee screamed and took off running down the aisle, Jayce fast on her heels.

 

“My babies!” My Mama laughed and gathered the twins in her arms. I squealed when I saw Julie behind her and took off running myself. I held her close and started to laugh.

 

“I missed your face!” She says to me wiping tears from her eyes.

 

“I missed yours!” I laugh, squeezing her tight, and quickly letting go. “Mama! I missed you!” I kissed her cheek and hugged her tightly.

 

“You look good beeswax! Touring looks good on you.” She laughs and twirls me around.

 

“Mamie! Daddy’s here! Over there! On the stage! Come look!” Jayce tugs on my mom’s hand.

 

“Okay baby. Let’s go see Daddy.” She lets Jayce pull her down the aisle.

 

“Yes. Let’s go see Daddy.” Julie pops her knuckles.

 

“Be nice Juju Bean. He has been sick over meeting you all morning.” I warn.

 

I wave to Louis to signal ‘This is my mom and Julie.’ He quickly turns around, appears to take a deep breath and looks over at Harry and Liam. Harry gives him a thumbs up, Liam pats his back and he nods and walks off the stage, awkwardly. I notice how uncomfortable he looks and feel terrible instantly. He is a nervous wreck. Poor guy. I bend down to Addylee and whisper in her ear.

 

“I think Daddy is scared. Can you run and give Daddy a great big hug for me Addy?” She turns and nods at me excited and runs towards Louis. She runs into his arms and he scoops her up making her squeal. He laughs and holds her tight. Finally. The first smile of the day. I hope Julie seeing Addylee with Louis tugs at her heart strings. I hear Julie sniffle. It works.

 

“Louis!” My Mama says and quickly gathers him in a hug kissing him on the cheek. He laughs, not expecting that.

 

“Sandy. I am so happy to finally meet you. In person!” He laughs, still nervous.

 

Julie stepped forward and hugged Louis hard. “I am happy to meet you, too. Brandi is happy. Jayce and Addylee are happy. Therefore I am happy.”

 

Louis stood there shocked. “Really?”

 

Julie laughed. “Yes really.”

 

“No verbal beat down. No physical pain?” Louis questioned.

 

“Naw. Your face is to pretty to mess up.” She smiled. Louis laughed nervously.

 

“Come meet the boys! Louis other family!” I suggest to take the pressure off Louis.

 

“Unka Harry!” Jayce laughs and tugs on Harry’s shirt.

 

“He looks nothing like Jagger.” Julie points out.

 

“You should see Harry without the beanie. It’s freaky.” I laugh.

 

“She’s tried to go to bed with me. Twice.” Harry adds.

 

“No I haven’t. Don’t listen to him.” I roll my eyes.

 

“Yes she has. She is in denial.” Harry laughs.

 

“No I haven’t!” I hit him in the chest.

 

“She hasn’t.” Louis adds.

 

“Guys we needed you on stage 10 minutes ago. Lets get this rehearsal going.” The stage manager griped.

 

“Sorry. I will catch up with all of you later.” Louis puts Addylee down and kisses me on the lips, making sure Julie catches it.

 

“Would you like to watch rehearsal? Or go catch up!” I ask.

 

“Watch rehearsal!” Jayce adds his input.

 

“You always want to watch rehearsal.”

 

“I can hear Daddy sing in rehearsal.” Jayce says.

 

“Oh.” I finally understand now.

 

_  
*******flashback*******_

_“Why don’t you watch the shows? Why do you only watch rehearsal?” Louis asked from behind me, his arms wrapped around my waist, his nose nuzzling my hair._

_“Because it’s too loud in the shows. I like rehearsal. I can hear you.” I smile up at him._

_“I sing to you in rehearsal.” Louis grinned._

_“You’ll sing to who will ever listen.”_

_“Touché.” He laughed, causing me to sway with him. “I love you.” He whispers in my ear._

_“I love you, too.”_

_*************  
_

When rehearsal was over we loaded up and headed to the best damn place in Dallas, Texas. Twisted Root Burger Company. Sure. It’s a burger joint. But ours is better than everyone else’s. And it’s the fact I am dragging Louis, Harry, Liam, Niall and Zayn plus massive amounts of bodyguards to a freaking burger joint is hilarious. Everyone will be happy here. Everyone damnit.

 

“Brandi!” My girlfriends squeal as we walk into the restaurant. I do my happy dance and run and hug my girls.

 

“Jenna! Brittany! Elizabeth! Victoria!” I have missed them terribly.

 

“Oh my god! Look how big the twins have got in just months!” Jenna bends down hugs Jayce and Addy.

 

“Jeje! Look at my new Dior shoes!” Addylee shows off her black ballet slippers with Dior printed in crystals. Jenna looks at me wildly.

 

“Don’t look at me. Look at him.” I point to Louis. Louis waves and laughs.

 

“What? They’re cute! Look how happy they make her!” Louis imitates Addy sticking her foot out.

 

“Well I think they’re precious!” Elizabeth coos.

 

I quickly introduce everyone as we are being seated.

 

“So…what do you all do…for a living?” Liam asks trying make an attempt in conversation.

 

“I’m a Nurse!” Jenna says.

 

“Me too!” Brittany says.

 

“Me three.” Elizabeth agrees.

 

“Me…four!” Victoria squeaks.

 

“Oh! I am a respiratory therapist! So I'm out of this.” Julie cracks up.

 

“I’ve been a nurse longer than you’ve been alive. Me five!” My Mama laughs.

 

“Don’t forget me! Me six!” I laugh.

 

The guys sit stunned for a minute.

 

“I am so turned on right now.” Harry sits back in his chair and shakes his head.

 

“This is like a wet dream come true.” Niall finally speaks up.

 

“Well. I have never felt more safe in my life.” Louis laughs.

 

**********

 

I had backstage passes for everyone. But they wanted to experience the show from the audience. I groaned but agreed to go with them to the saved seats. I guess dinner with the band was better than a backstage pass. Addylee stood with Julie, and talked her through everything that was about to happen, while Julie helped her put in her rhinestone studded ear plugs. I held Jayce and he kissed me on the cheek.

 

“What was that for?” I ask my sweet boy.

 

“Because you look pretty.” He smiles.

 

“Thank you Jayce. You look pretty, too”

 

“Mommy. Boys don’t look pretty. We look cool.”

 

“How could I forget that? You look cool.” I laugh.

 

“Thank you Mommy.”

 

**********

 

“Hello Dallas!” Harry yells into the microphone and points to his personal cheering section in the front row, and laughs.

 

“Dallas!!” Louis yells into his microphone from behind his piano. The crowd goes crazy.

 

“Dallas! We are so happy to finally be in Texas! You have no idea, how much we have heard about “Texas this… Texas that…” Louis laughs

 

“Texas has the best roads!” Harry adds. Screaming acknowledgment.

 

“Since we are in Dallas.. My girlfriend’s and children’s home town, we are going to do something special. Just for you Dallas!” Louis yells.

 

Louis and Harry walked to the end of the stage. Everyone is screaming hysterically because it's a rarity to see "Larry" alone on stage together. Tobi and Stefan appear out of nowhere and take Jayce from my arms and Addylee from Julie. I watch confused, as Tobi and Stefan lift the twins up and on to the stage. Louis and Harry grab the twins and there is a massive eruption of screams. Jayce and Addylee turn and wave to the crowd. Liam and Niall come up behind the piano. Zayn flings himself beside Louis.

 

“Come here guys!” Louis and Harry place the twins up on the piano, a stage tech, runs and hands each twins their own microphone. They stare at the microphone and giggle.

 

“Addylee- are you enjoying the show?” Harry asks.

 

“It’s too loud. Turn it down a little.” Addylee suggests, making the crowd laugh.

 

“Daddy! I can see Mommy! Hi Mommy!” Jayce points and waves. Louis laughs and waves. My heart melts. He is so cute. Jayce… well Louis is too. The crows “awww’s.” A camera points to me. I am now blown up on a huge screen. _Fuck me._

 

“Oh shit!” I cover my face.

 

“Daddy bring Mommy up here!” Addylee asks.

 

“No. Remember. That’s not what we talked about.” Louis reminds her.

 

“Oh?…Oh yea!” Addylee laughs.

 

“Dallas! Please meet my son and my daughter, Jayce and Addylee Tomlinson!” Louis bows. More hysterical screaming.

 

“Guys, do you want to sing with me tonight?” Louis asks. The twins eagerly nod. “What are we singing?”

 

“Mommy’s favorite song!” Jayce yells into the microphone.

 

“What song is that?”

 

“Gotta Be You!” Addylee yells.

 

“I think your Mommy has good taste.” Louis smiles.

 

Louis goes to sit down on the bench and Harry, Liam, Zayn and Niall stands beside Addylee and Jayce who are sitting on the piano. Louis plays the first few notes, and Liam adds, “We hardly ever perform this song anymore, since Harry's balls dropped. So please sing as loud as you can!" Liam turns and whispers to the twins, "Just like we practiced guys.” The twins nod.

__  
Girl I see it in your eyes you're disappointed  
Cause I'm the foolish one that you anointed with your heart  
I tore it apart  
And girl what a mess I made upon your innocence  
And no woman in the world deserves this  
But here I am asking you for one more chance 

_Can we fall, one more time?_  
Stop the tape and rewind  
Oh and if you walk away I know I'll fade  
Cause there is nobody else  


 

Jayce and Addylee both bring the microphones to their mouth to join. Sweet, angelic, three year old voices.

__  
It's gotta be you  
Only you  
It's gotta be you  
Only you  


They quit singing at the chorus. I start to sniff, and wipe the tears forming in the corners of my eyes.

__  
Now girl I hear it in your voice and how it trembles  
When you speak to me I don't resemble, who I was  
You've almost had enough  
And your actions speak louder than words  
And you're about to break from all you've heard  
Don't be scared,  
I ain't going no where  


They raise their mics, apparently just as they have practiced, that I have somehow missed.

__  
I'll be here, by your side  
No more fears, no more cryin'  
But if you walk away  
I know I'll fade  
Cause there is nobody else 

_It's gotta be you_  
Only you  
It's gotta be you  
Oh only you  


Jayce sings by himself with Zayn joining in.

__  
Oh girl, can we try one more, one more time?  
One more, one more, can we try?  
One more, one more time  
I'll make it better  
One more, one more, can we try?  
One more, one more,  
Can we try one more time I’ll make it all better?  


 

The display screen cuts from the three of them singing to a video clip. Its Jayce and Addylee sitting at the table on the tour bus with Louis, coloring.

_  
“Daddy?” Jayce asks._

_“Yes?”_

_“How come my last name is Tomlinson. And Addy’s is Tomlinson. And yours is Tomlinson. But Mommy’s isn’t?”_

_Louis looks at Jayce confused._

_“Because I have to marry Mommy first.” Louis says._

_“Oh.” Jayce says._

_“Then you should marry Mommy.” Addylee says, never looking up from her coloring book.  
_

 

Then Addy gets her solo.

__  
Cos its gotta be you  
Its gotta be you  
Only you  
Only you  


 

The twins put the microphones back down . But Louis is nowhere near them.

 

Louis finishes the next verses. I turn to see him, coming down the aisle towards me. Body guards all around.

__  
It's gotta be you  
Only you  
It's gotta be you  
Only you !  


The crowd screams. I’m in tears, shaking like a leaf. Louis stands in front of me, tears in his eyes. He grabs my hand and gets down on his knee. I close my eyes. Trying to tune out what he is asking me. The screaming is unreal. It’s all around me.

 

“I love you Brandi, and I can’t live this life without you. Please…marry me.”

 

“Say yes Mommy!” Addylee screams into the microphone.

 

I can’t find my breath. I’m shaking so hard. I’m so… so… speechless.  
 _  
Speechless_

I just nod my head.


	20. Chapter 20

I laid there looking at the new rock on my ring finger. I already missed my pink ring. He took it away. In front of all those people. He took my ring away. And put this big ass rock, on my finger. That bastard. I grabbed my pillow and smacked him.

“I hate you!” I groan.

“Brandi! Are we seriously doing this again?” He covers his head with the pillow I smacked him with.

“Yes! Yes we are! Why Louis? Why!” I stared at the ring on my finger harder. Flipping him off with this new rock.

“Because I love you! That’s why! Why is this so hard for you?” Louis turns on his side and smiles. “Don’t you want to get married?”

“You pressured me!”

“That’s not going to hold up in court, Brandi.” Louis laughed.

“You just had to be all cute, and romantic. And you were looking really hot…You used my children against me! You asshole! My own children!”

“Our children. I did no such thing. You're overreacting. We are practically married anyways.” Louis rolled over on his back, still looking at me. “What’s going to change once we are married?”

I looked at him. “Everything changes when you get married Louis! Like, you fight more. Less sex. More fighting. And oh, you know… More fighting.” I whined.

“See? We are practically married. Right now. Baby, we don’t have to get married next week. Just eventually. Okay? Jayce and Addylee need us to be married.”

“Yea, that’s not going to work on me. Us being together is good enough right now for them.” I sighed.

“I need us to be together.” He tugged on me, pulling me to lay on his chest. “I want to say you are mine. I want to introduce you as Mrs. Tomlinson, my wife, the mother of my children. I want you to be mine.” He kissed the top of my head.

“I am yours Louis. Changing my name won’t change that fact.”

 

“Maybe not to you. But for me, Jayce and Addylee, it means more than that. You will complete us.” 

I listen to Louis breath as he plays with my hair. I know he’s right.

“I’ll marry you. But I want my ring back.” I say stubbornly. Louis laughs hard.

A couple months later we arrived back in London. I was so grateful to be back home. Liam and Niall had spent their birthday on the road, and October was right around the corner, which meant I would be turning another year older myself.

Johanna and Dan took Jayce and Addylee for the week so that we could clean out the two bedrooms upstairs and give Jayce and Addylee their own rooms. Then we had to clean the two bedrooms in the guesthouse for Heather and Kala, for when they came back from visiting their family, they had their own place. When I say “we” cleaned I meant I directed Louis, Harry, Liam, Niall and Zayn. I had been in a foul mood lately. I admit it. I was grouchy all the time. My back hurt. And I always ached. I blamed my uterus. Louis tried every possible excuse to get out of cleaning. But I wasn’t having any of them.

“This just isn’t what I do!” Louis whined as he painted Addylee’s wall a creamy yellow.

“Louis. Shut it. Just paint.” Liam said.

“Exactly. Listen to your friend. You’re the whiniest, therefore you automatically get to paint.” I smiled as I held the instructions up for Addylee’s bed up for Niall.

“Uhm. Hello? Look at Zayn.” Louis pointed his roller at Zayn.

“Zayn is the only one in the room who knows how to use a drill other than Niall. And Niall is busy.” I pointed out.

“I don’t understand why we couldn’t have just paid someone to do this.” Harry whined now as he installed the extra shelves in the walk in closet with Zayn for all of Addylee’s new shoes.

“You guys! This is for Jayce and Addylee. It’s a surprise! How special is it when somebody else does it?” I asked.

“They will be happy for like… 2 minutes then forget we ever did it Brandi.” Harry said from the closet.

“I am disgusted with you Harry Styles.” I said.

“Well it’s true!”

“Harry. If you don’t want to be here, leave. Take Louis with you.” I griped.

“I’m a just messing with you. I want to be here. Doing something…special.” He lied.

“I can leave?” Louis asked.

“No.” I cut my eyes at him.

“You are so grouchy!” Louis groaned. 

“Well I feel like crap Louis! And I am tired of listening to you whine!” I snapped again. Feeling bad instantly when I saw the look on Louis face as he pouted. Then I really felt bad. My stomach lurched. I ran to Addy’s bathroom and vomited. Louis came behind me and handed me a wet towel. He rubbed my back.

“Are you okay?” He asked concerned. 

“Oh my god. That paint smell. Will you open the window?” I asked panting, closing the door with my foot.

“That hit you really quick. You’ve smelled that all morning.” Louis sat on the bathtub.

“I know. It just seemed really intense all of a sudden.” I rested my head on my knee.

“You feel better now?”

“I feel better when Addy’s room is painted, her bed is put together, and her closet is assembled.”

“So… you feel better now?” He grinned, running circles on my back.

“Louis!” I groaned. And vomited again.

***

Louis called Johanna to check on the twins but they didn’t want to talk. They were ‘busy.’ I felt tons better after I threw up. As soon as the room was painted, bed put together, and closet assembled, I had a miraculous recovery. Her room was adorable. Her bed was solid white and Niall had taken the time to hang a canopy above the bed so that it would drape over the bed. She would love that. Very Addy-like.

The next morning the guys all drug themselves into Jayce’s new room, but they had much more enthusiasm doing Jayce’s room. Boys. I swear. I sat in the floor watching the guys chat idly when the nausea from yesterday hit me again. I jumped up and sprinted to Jayce’s bathroom. Louis right behind me.

“What the hell? She did this yesterday at the same exact time.” Harry pointed out. Liam and Zayn looked at each other with the “all-knowing look.”

“What?” Harry asked.

“Nothing.” Zayn laughed.

“You’ll figure it out sooner or later.” Liam snorted.

“Uhm. Okay?” Harry continued to roll the olive green paint on the wall. “No. It’s not coming. What is it?”

“Seriously Harry!” Niall laughed.

“What?” Harry asked confused.

“She’s pregnant.” Zayn laughed harder.

“Definitely pregnant.” Liam nodded.

“She puked two day in a row. That does not exactly constitute her being knocked up.” Harry rolled his eyes.

“Okay- what did she eat yesterday?” Liam asked.

“She ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with olives. We all saw it.” Niall laughed.

“What? I missed that!” Harry said shaking her head.

“And she has been cranky, whiny, achy, and snapping at everyone. Way out of the norm for her.” Liam pointed out.

“Have you told his mom this?” Harry asked.

“Oh no. Because if we are wrong, I don’t want to upset Johanna and get her hopes up.” Zayn clarified.

“Just watch her. She is acting very suspicious. And she doesn’t even realize she is doing it. That’s the funny part.” Liam laughed.

“Louis is going to…oh man… Louis he is just as clueless.” Harry shook his head laughing.

****

“Do you think you have food poisoning?” Louis asked me.

“Maybe it’s the paint? I get like.. One good whiff of it and I start feeling icky.” I patted my forehead with a wet towel.

“Why don’t you go back downstairs and let us finish painting then, if it’s making you sick to your stomach.” Louis suggested.

“Yea. I think I will.” Louis helped me stand up and walked me back downstairs. We sat down on the couch and Louis flipped on the TV.

“You are trying to get out of work.” I noticed.

“I am taking care of you. I am being a good husband.”

“A good husband wouldn’t make me watch this crap.” I grabbed the remote. “He would let me pick the show.” I stuck out my tongue.

“A good husband would make you lay down and go to bed after that little episode upstairs.” Louis said grabbing the remote from me.

“Your mean. I should punch you with this rock.”

“It’s a pretty rock.” Louis admired his purchase.

“I am starving!” I said jumping off the couch.

“What? You don’t need to eat anything right now. Not after you just upchucked.”

“But my belly needs food.” I pouted.

“Well eat something dry. Like crackers… or toast.” Louis offered.

I laughed. “I got this Nurse Louisa.”

Louis followed me into the kitchen. “You really are trying to get out of working aren’t you?”

“Just making sure your okay baby doll.” Louis winked at me.

I pulled out the wheat bread and pickles. I started to dip the bread in the pickle juice. Louis eyes widened.

“What the hell are you doing?” He asks.

“The breads kinda dry. The juice helps.” I answer. It tastes amazing.

“That’s disgusting.” Louis shudders. “Your going to throw up again.”

“Actually I feel really good. This tastes awesome! It needs something though.” I walk back to the refrigerator and pull out the Miracle Whip.

“No Ma’am!” Louis grabs the Miracle Whip from my hands. “What’s wrong with you?”

“I don’t know. I am just really hungry. And that looked really good.” I pouted.

“This is why you are throwing up all the time. You’re eating crap.” Louis throws my wet bread in the trash.

“I like crap.”

“No. We will get take out before I watch you eat that again. Go sit on the couch, where I can see you. Let me see if the guys want to order out.”

Louis ran upstairs to see if anyone else wanted something to eat.

“I thought Brandi was sick?” Liam asked.

“She was… but now she is hungry again. And what she just tried to eat made me nearly hurl.”

Harry snickered. “What did she try and eat?”

“Wheat bread dipped in pickle juice with a side of Miracle Whip.” Louis shuddered again, followed by a room of shudders and “ewws.”

“Louis…you have to clue in eventually with what’s going on.” Harry laughed at Louis.

“What do you mean?” Louis asked when the guys started laughing. “Why are you laughing?”

“Louis. Please. Just put 2 + 2 together. Look at how Brandi is acting. She’s textbook. Even for a nurse! She is missing the bigger picture!” Zayn laughed.

Louis looked at his friends just as confused as before then turned to Harry to break it down for him.

“Harry?”

“Louis. The vomiting same time daily, the strange and unusual cravings, the mood swings, the body aches…” Harry went on with his hands.

Louis turned white.

“He’s gonna faint! Get him to the bed.” Niall moved in quickly. Zayn started to fan Louis with the instructions for Jayce’s entertainment center. Louis started breathing funny.

“Louis it’s just an assumption. Breath.” Liam instructed Louis. Louis just nodded his head, puffing his cheeks as he breathed.

“It’s not possible… the…the first time… was a miracle.. The doctors said..” Louis put his head between his legs.

“Doctors are wrong all the time, Louis.” Liam answered. “But we don’t know anything Louis! We are just suspicious! For all we know, Brandi is just nervous over the wedding and that’s why she is acting like this. We could all be very, very wrong.”

“Has she missed her period?” Harry asked.

Louis head shot up.

“What? It’s how a girl knows she’s pregnant. It’s the most important question to ask. Trust me.” Harry laughed. Liam cut his eyes at Harry. Harry stopped laughing.

“Brandi‘s periods? I can’t discuss her periods with all of you. She doesn’t discuss them with me.”

“So we don’t know if she missed one.” Harry nodded. “Well Louis. Looks like you might be getting married sooner than you thought!” Harry slapped Louis on the back. “Who wants Chinese?”


	21. Chapter 21

“Ahhh!!!!” Addy ran and jumped up and down on her bed. “Daddy I love it! Thank you!” She screamed hopping on the mattress.

Louis laughed. “Your welcome baby girl.”

“This is mine?” Addylee pointed to her new TV.

“Yes.”

“This is mine?” She pointed to her new stereo.

“Yes.”

“And this?” She pointed to her bathroom.

“It’s all yours baby.” He laughed as she ran into the bathroom and skidded across the floor.

“Woah.” She laughed as Louis caught her. “Where’s Mommy?”

Louis sighed. “She laying down. Her tummy hurts.”

“She can come lay down in my room. My bed is big enough.” Addylee considered thoughtfully.

“Why don’t we go check on Jayce, then we can go see if Mommy is still sleeping.”

“Okay Daddy.”

They left Addy’s room and walked to Jayce’s which was right next to Harry’s much to Jayce’s pleasure.

“Oh Jayce!” Addylee ran to Jayce’s mini drum set and sat down. “Daddy where’s my drums?” Addy asked.

“In the studio. The drums didn’t match your bedroom.” Louis smiled as she picked up the drum sticks.

“No Addy! Don’t touch it!” Jayce grabbed the drumsticks from her hand.

“Jayce!” Addylee screamed.

“It’s mine!” Jayce yelled back.

“Hey guys! Cut it out.” Harry grabbed the drumsticks from Jayce. “You need to share Jayce. You were playing with the guitar. She can play with the drums.” Harry reprimanded Jayce. Jayce’s eye watered. Louis watched in amazement as Jayce listened to everything Harry said. Louis’s heart broke a little. He didn’t think he would ever be good at disciplining his children. Harry was better at this father thing from the get go.

“Daddy?” Jayce asked. “I like my room.”

“I’m glad you like it, Jayce.” Louis smiled at him and held his arms out. Jayce quickly ran into his arms.

“Daddy, what about my room at my other house?” Jayce asked.

“What do you mean?”

“We are staying here in Enngen right? If I stay in Enngen, my toys are going to be sad. I need to go get them and bring them back.” Jayce looked Louis in the eye.

“You want to go home and get your toys because they are sad?” Louis asked.

“Yes.” Jayce said seriously.

“Well. We will have to see what we can do about that then.” Louis hugged Jayce tighter.

“How’s Brandi feeling?” Harry asked over the banging Addylee.

“She’s laying down. She woke up feeling horrible. Starting throwing up again. She’s convinced its just a stomach virus. But I don’t know.” Louis stood up and stretched.

“Have you asked her yet?” Harry inquired.

“No… I don’t want to just yet. I don’t want to spring that on her. Not after.. Last time.”

“You are going to react much differently this time. Don’t be chicken shit. Just say ‘Hey. I know you feel terrible. Pee on this.’ Harry offered.

“Yea. That’s going to go over well.” Louis pushed his hair to the side. 

“Just go talk to her. I will watch them.” Harry smiled then grabbed the drumsticks from Addy. “Go play piano.” He instructed. Addylee pouted.

***

I sat up in the bed rubbing my tummy. Something just didn’t feel right. I was off. My world seemed to be off centered. I pulled out my phone and looked at the calendar.

“Hmm…That can‘t be right” I muttered to myself. I got up and walked over to Louis’ desk and pulled out his pocket calendar and started counting back.

“September…August….July? Wait…No.” I marked the dates with little X’s. “There’s no way. I haven’t…since July?!” I banged my head on the desk.

“Ouch. That looked like it hurt.” Louis laughed coming up from behind me, kissing me on the head. “What are you doing with the calendar?” He grabbed it from me.

“Nothing! Give it back.” I tried reaching for it. But with Louis, no point. He's too fast. He turned around and looked at the X’s on the dates. He turned back to me and smiled.

“Did you take a test?” He asked.

I stood there, stunned. What the fuck did he just say to me? “A test?”

“A pregnancy test.” He stated simply.

“What are you talking about?” My eyes wide with terror. 

“Brandi. Stop. I see how you are acting with the mood swings, vomiting, fatigue. And your boobs are huge. I’m not complaining about the boobs at all.” Louis laughed.

I looked down at my breasts protectively.

“What’s wrong baby?” Louis kissed me softly.

“This is where you start screaming at me.” I whisper quietly.

He envelopes me in his arms. "It’s not what I am prepared for, but I welcome it. I need it."

“No. Never again. I will never leave you again. If you are pregnant, it’s you and I. And Jayce and Addylee. And Harry of course.”

I laughed. “We are all in this together?”

“Yes. It’s me and you this time. I will be there for you. I won’t leave your side.”

“Good. Because Harry already promised me that if you fuck up this time, he will take care of me. Forever.” I grinned a watery smile.

“Harry said that huh?” Louis laughed.

“Yes. And he wasn’t kidding. He loves me.”

“Of course he loves you. Everyone loves you.”

“Uh huh. Well just don’t screw up Louis.” I warned.

“You would leave me for Harry?” Louis pulled away from me.

“Don’t fuck up.” I laugh.

Louis sighed. “Do you want to take a test?”

“I have to go to the store and get one first.” I frowned.

“No! I got several.” Louis walked towards the bathroom.

“What?” I laughed. “How long have you been ‘wondering’ this?” I followed him to the bathroom.

“Since you started eating some nasty shit.” Louis handed me three different boxes. I looked at him strangely. “What?” He asked.

“3 boxes?” I questioned. 

“Well we can just do one from each box.” He laughed and handed me a cup. “Make me proud!”

***

10 minutes later…

“All 3?” I asked.

“Yup.” Louis laughed.

“You’re kidding.” I hit my forehead.

“No baby. Your having a baby.” Louis clapped excitedly.

“Why are you clapping?” I groaned.

“I am so excited! We made a baby together!” He pulled me into a tight hug.

“Yes. We made twins together, too.” I said, smothered against his shoulder. He quickly pulled out his phone.

“Wait what are you doing?” I asked. He put his fingers to my lips to silence me.

“Mum!” Louis yelled into the phone happily. “Brandi’s pregnant!” He announced proudly. I groaned. Then he handed me the phone in all the wild back in forth chatter.

“Louis! You ass!” I put the phone to my ear, listening to Johanna scream. I watched as Louis scooped up the pee sticks and rushed hurriedly out of the room. I followed behind him, the phone far away from my ear, as we headed to Jayce’s room.

“Louis no!” I tried to grab his arm. “You cannot tell Jayce and Addylee, not now!” I throatily whispered.

“Harry! Three of them! All positive!” He laughed. Harry high-fived Louis and quickly scooped me up, spinning me in circles. I dropped the screaming phone.

“Who is that?” Harry asked looking at the phone.

“His mother.” I groaned from the spinning.

Louis’s eyes widened and he picked up the phone. “Mum? Why are you still yelling?”

***

Johanna made me an appointment with the local gynecologist after much begging for it to be a decent one. She fussed, stating she would take care of it for me, but I simply told her she wouldn’t be going if I didn’t know what was being said. She gave in.

The trip to the doctor was.. Well. A trip.

Louis loaded me into the front seat of his Range Rover, making Harry drive. He buckled me in, kissed me, then patted my tummy. Even Harry had to roll his eyes at the effort Louis was making. Our trip into town was miserable with Louis’ backseat driving advice. Constantly, reprimanding Harry for cutting in front of people. I smirked at Harry and pushed my sunglasses higher on my nose. Harry just turned the radio up louder, to Louis’ dismay.

Johanna met us in front of the Doctor's office. She was hopping with excitement.

“Brandi!” She ran up to me, hugged and kissed me.

“Hey Mimi.” I laughed.

“Let’s go in!” She pulled me into the clinic with Harry and Louis dragging behind.

I looked at the paperwork and sighed. Handing it over to Louis. He laughed when he saw it all blank and went to filling it out, stopping every second or so, to ask me a question.

“Do I write Tomlinson?” He questioned.

“No. You can’t write that till its true.” I laughed. 

“But you will be a Tomlinson before the baby is born.” Louis acknowledged.

“Says who?” I asked.

“Me.” Louis smiled. “Your last menstrual cycle?”

“July….19?”

“Gross.” Harry shuddered.

“You wanted to come Harry. Now you get to hear about it.” I laughed.

“I wanted to see the pictures. Not hear about it.” He gagged.

“Brandi?” The nurse called. Louis stood up first, then tugged on me. Harry gave me a thumbs up and Johanna waved at me.

“Let’s get you weighed!” She cheerily announced in thick English accent.

“Turn around Louis!” I snapped. He laughed and did so. The nurse laughed, too. She guided us into the room and instructed me to take off my clothes and put on the gown.

“I thought we were just here for blood work and a sonogram?” Louis asked me.

“No Louis. I have to have a full pelvic. Yay.” I laid back on the table and sighed. The nurse came back in with the vaccutainers and drew several vials of blood.

“The doctor will be in with you shortly.” She smiled as she left.

“Did they leave you any blood?” Louis smiled. Kissing the band aid.

“Nope. Drained me dry.” I smiled. 10 minutes later… we were still waiting when the knock came.

“Hallo! I am Dr. Hayner.” The young spikey headed doctor came in. He had a large earring in his left ear and a tribal tattoo across his right bicep. He spoke perfect English. “You must be Brandi…and” He looked down at the chart. “Louis?”

“Yes sir.” I smiled, taking in the pissed off look on Louis’ face.

“You look…young.” Louis frowned.

Dr. Hayner laughed. “I get that a lot actually! But I have delivered over 2000 babies. Hopefully you will allow me to deliver yours.” He smiled at me.

“Of course. I would love for you to deliver my baby.” I giggled. He was cute. Louis looked at me, pissed.

“Then lets get the show on the road. Scoot your bottom down here.” He patted the edge of the table and called for the nurse to come back in. The pelvic was quick and painless. Very nice.

“Now stay right there Brandi. We are going to the vaginal sonogram.” He looked at me from between my legs and winked. I snorted. Louis groaned.

I watched on the screen as he moved the transducer back and forth. Louis watched intently. And there it was. A heart beat. A single solitary heartbeat. My heart leapt in joy. Just one baby. Thank you Jesus.

“There the baby is! Perfect amount of amniotic fluid. Beautiful heart rate.” Dr. Hayner smiled.

“What is it?” Louis asked.

Dr. Hayner laughed. “Well you can’t tell this early. Around the 5th month we should be able to see more clearly and tell if it’s a boy or girl.”

“Oh.” Louis pouted.

“Let's do the abdominal sonogram. Do you have any other family with you?” Dr. Hayner asked.

“Yes! My mom and best mate.” Louis spoke up.

“Lidi, can you please go get them for the abdominal sono?” She nodded and left, quickly bringing Johanna and Harry back. Louis stood up and allowed Johanna to sit by me. He stood at my side and took my hand in his. He was shaking.

He squeezed the jelly on my stomach and rolled the transducer over my stomach till the same little heartbeat appeared on the screen. Johanna squealed in excitement. Harry and Louis laughed at his mom’s laughter.

“A baby!” She laughed.

I looked over at Louis and squeezed his hand. “A baby.”

He bent down and kissed me lightly on the lips. “Our baby.”


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nearing the end! Ahh!

Christmas had come and passed. January was cold and crisp. I stood in the middle of a Johanna’s dress shop as Johanna fitted me in the dress she had hand made for me. Her shop, “Addy’s Secrets” was her new hobby. I leaned back stretching my sore back as the weight of a six month belly pulled my center of gravity forward.

“Brandi! Stand up straight!” Johanna popped my behind.

“Mimi! This is me, standing up straight! He just weighs so much.” I groaned trying to reposition myself. She smiled at me.

“He weighs.. All of 2 pounds?” Johanna commented.

“Yes and that 2 pounds is sitting right on top of my bladder.” I stepped off the platform and waddled to the bathroom.

“Oh! Kala! Go help her pee! Make sure she doesn’t let that dress drop in the toilet.” Johanna laughed. Kala quickly jumped up and followed me to the bathroom.

“Look at Addylee!” Heather cooed. Addylee strolled out the dressing room in her dress that was a mini version of the bride’s dress.

“It’s so pretty Mimi!” Addylee gushed and spun in circles. “You made this by yourself?”

Johanna laughed. “I did. You look beautiful Addylee.” Addylee nodded in agreement. “See I gave Addy’s dress a little more beaded crystal work so she would sparkle, and a little less length.” Johanna explained to Heather.

I came out of the bathroom and saw my mini me and started to cry.

Oh Addylee.

She looked beautiful. She truly looked like me standing on the round platform. Her blonde hair was messily thrown in a bun on top of her head, she was grinning from ear to ear. Her little dress was white and billowy. I pictured her standing beside me, Louis, Jayce and the ocean, and I cried harder.

“Honey! What’s wrong?” Kala quickly handed me tissues and hugged me hard.

“She’s- ju--just- so…pretty!” I hiccupped and cried into my tissue.

Johanna rolled her eyes and laughed. “Pregnancy hormones.” Was her answer.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We loaded up into my new Christmas present, a shiny black BMW X5, and followed Johanna to her house where the guys were hanging out for the day and Dan was cooking dinner that night. Getting out from behind the steering wheel was getting harder and harder as the days went on. I called over to Heather as she pulled Addylee out of her booster seat.

“Heather! Tug me!” I laughed.

She looked over the door and laughed. “Are hernias covered? This was not in my contract.” She reminded me tugging on my hands.

“It wasn’t in mine either!” I laughed as I slid out of the seat. We walked in the front door and the whole house smelled delicious. My mouth watered. I was starving. 'Lil’ Louis' gave a kick in agreement.

I walked to the kitchen and saw Jayce sitting on top of the island trying to hull peas by himself. I laughed at his attempts. Dan was sitting down at the table, his head in his hands.

“You okay Dan?” I asked, kissing him on the cheek.

“Yeah. Just tired. How are you feeling little mummy?” He asked, his face flushed.

“I am good. Baby’s good. Are you sure your okay? You look sick.” I put my hand on his forehead. No temperature.

“Yeah, I just feel really drained. So I got Jayce over there doing all the cooking.” He pointed to Jayce and chuckled as Jayce gave an exasperated sigh.

Louis came in from the backyard with that dog. Stupid dog was going to the death of me. “Bear.” I said as he ran to my feet and started swatting me with his tail. Bear had managed to knock my legs out from under me twice in the last week. The dog and I were not seeing eye to eye here lately.

“Be nice to Bear, Brandi.” Louis warned, pulling me into a hug and kissing my cheek. “How did the dress look?”

“I look fat in the dress, Louis. Thanks.” I scoffed. Louis rolled his eyes.

“Pregnant, Brandi. Not fat. You look pregnant.” He ran his hand along my stomach as I helped Jayce hull the peas. I looked over at Dan again and gave him a quick once over. Something was not right. He looked bad. Not good at all.

The nurse in me kicked in.

I watched as Dan started to massage his left shoulder blade, then his arm, then back to his shoulder. Fear sat in the pit of my stomach as Dan’s color went from flushed, to a deep red and sweat beaded all over his forehead.

“Louis- get me aspirin now.” I whispered, trying not to panic.

“Baby- you can’t have-”

“Louis aspirin now!” I whispered loudly.

I quickly ran over to Dan and looked at his eyes. I knew immediately what was happening.

“Where does it hurt Dan?”

“My chest. It’s tight. My jaw and my shoulder. It hurts-” Dan said through gasps. I watched as his eyes fluttered and the sweat was beading down his brow.

“Louis aspirin! Call an ambulance now!” I finally yelled. Louis came flying up beside me confused, then with a quick glance at Dan, realization set in. I took the bottle of aspirin and put two tablets in his mouth.

“Chew Dan, I know it tastes bad, but chew. CHEW!” I watched as he chewed in pain. I threw one more tablet in his mouth and he chewed more quickly. Johanna came flying into the kitchen as she heard the yelling from me. Louis was on the phone spurting off and asking me questions, chaos was everywhere. Harry came into the kitchen and grabbed Jayce instructing him to go in the living room with Kala, Heather and Addy.

“How’s the pain now?” I asked. He nodded his pain with no relief. Johanna handed me a wet towel and I wiped his forehead.

“What’s going on Brandi? What’s wrong with him, Brandi?” Johanna asked me panicking.

“I think it’s a heart attack. But I can’t be sure.” I said scared. “We need to lay him down. He doesn’t need to be sitting up.” I told Harry. He nodded to me and helped pick Dan up under the arm, Louis handed the phone to Johanna, and quickly gathered Dan up under the other arm.

They laid Dan on the couch and he went from deep scarlet red, to ashen gray.

Then he was lifeless.

“Shit! Get them out of here now!” I screamed to Heather and Kala. “Where is the ambulance?!”

I quickly checked for any signs of respirations.

None.

I checked for a pulse.

None. Not even a faint pulse.

“Help me!” I yelled as I pulled Dan’s lifeless body off the couch and back to the living room floor, Harry quickly coming to my side. I could see Harry visibly shaking. I could hear Johanna screaming into the phone and Louis trying to calm Addylee down as she was trying to run back into the living to be with her “papa.”

“What can I do to help?” Harry asked, scared.

“Just watch me.” I said as I gave Dan two rescue breaths, truly realizing for the first time how big my belly really was. This was going to be difficult. The adrenaline seared through my veins. I put my hands in position and began chest compressions, hard and fast, counting out loud. My heart was racing, I was terrified. I have done CPR numerous times, but never on someone I loved and cared so deeply for.

_Please Dan._ I silently begged.

“30!” I bent down and gave two more rescue breaths and resumed compressions. “Harry you need to push the couch back, when the medics gets here they will need more room then this.” I said as I pushed hard and fast. He jumped up and pushed the couch towards the wall so that it was no longer in the center of the room.  
Louis was soon at my side.

“The ambulance should be here in 10 minutes…maybe sooner.” He said.

I nodded and quickly checked for a pulse. No pulse. I gave two more breaths and resumed my compressions.

“Here, I can do those.” Harry offered, upset.

“No.” I nodded and continued to count, in the zone. I looked down at the lifeless Dan and started pushing harder and harder with each compression. He was not leaving us. Not today.

The sirens were screaming outside and Louis ran to open the door and escort them in. I continued, completely in the zone. The burning in my shoulders, arms, thighs, and stomach, overrun by the rush.

Three paramedics sprinted into the room, but I couldn’t stop. They didn’t try to stop me either. They worked around me.

“He has no cardiac history.” I said finally. They looked at me, the head paramedic nodded and quickly intubated Dan.

“Any allergies?” He asked.

“No. The only surgery he has had was a lap cholecystectomy. He has some reflux but that’s it.” I sat back on my knees as the younger paramedic released my hands and resumed chest compressions. I watched as the third paramedic, obviously new at this, struggled to start an IV. I frowned and started digging through the paramedic’s IV start kit and pulled out a 18 gauge needle. I didn’t even use a tourniquet. I popped the vein in Dan’s arm I wanted, twice to make it stand at attention for me. I swabbed it down, then found the vein. I secured the IV in place and asked for a flush. The new paramedic looked at me strangely, then handed me a bag of normal saline. I quickly started to squeeze the fluid in his arm.

“We have this. You can step back now. Thank you.” The head paramedic said as he strapped electrodes to Dan’s chest.

“No. I am too involved now.” I said shaking my head. I watched as we watched for rhythm on the monitor. I screamed on the inside. Please Dan!

“Give me the Epi!” I yelled. The new paramedic handed me the Epi and I pushed it fast. Minutes passed and no new rhythm.

“Atropine!” I cried out. Still no rhythm.

“I need a temperature and a blood glucose level now.” I said to the new paramedic.

“Epi!” I quickly pushed another round and watched sadly as no new rhythm appeared.

“Temperature is 98.2, Blood glucose is 86.”

“We can push Bicarb then.” I said. The head paramedic nodded in agreement and gave the okay.

I pushed the Bicarb and we watched the monitor patiently, the only sound was the sound of the young paramedic doing compressions. My heart leaped with compressions were held, and a small rhythm was detected.

“Rhythm detected! Shock advised! Charging to 360 Joules! Stand clear!”

I leaned back on my knees, out of breath. I watched as Dan’s body was shocked, he seized and convulsed forward, lying limply on the floor.

“Rhythm remains.” The paramedic nodded. “We will transport now.” I smiled, then tears fell down my cheeks.

Dan would be okay.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The hospital is my home. It will always be my home away from home. But when it's your family in there, it takes an overwhelming chunk out of your heart.

I sat in the waiting room with Johanna, Louis and Harry since ICU visiting hours are extremely strict. Three days had passed since Dan’s massive heart attack. The doctors were amazing and decided to take Dan to surgery and proceed with a triple bypass surgery as soon as we had hit the emergency room to save his heart. It had worked.

Johanna was being her usual cheerful self. She was just grateful her Dan was alive. But that first night in the hospital, she refused to leave the waiting room, refused to leave the hospital. Dan was weaned off the ventilator 2 days after surgery and was doing exceptionally well, even to the doctors standards.

I sighed and stretched my legs. “I think I am going to go get a drink.”

“I’ll come with you.” Louis offered standing up first then pulling me gently up.

We walked hand in hand to the cafeteria. I sat down in a booth as he went to get me a drink, silently people watching all those in the cafeteria. I looked at Louis in the mix of the locals. It was strange seeing him mingle. He was tall and lanky, wearing a beanie hat and loose jeans. I watched as a little girl tugged on his pant leg. He looked down startled, and bent down to her eye level. She pointed up, obviously unable to reach something. He stood back up and grabbed her a chocolate milk. She smiled, thanked him and quickly ran off. He laughed to himself and walked to off to pay for his drinks.

Something as simple as that made my heart flutter. “Lil’ Louis” kicked my liver.

“Why are you smiling like that?” Louis grinned as he slid in the booth beside me.

“Because I love you.” I kissed him on the nose.

He flushed and asked breathily, “Do you realize how amazing you are?”

“Yea, I do.” I laughed, rolling my eyes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“He wants to see you Brandi.” Johanna smiled as she came into the waiting room with Harry. ICU only allows two visitors at a time, and since me and Louis had took off to the cafeteria, well, we were bumped last.

I nodded and followed Louis down the hall to the large glass double doors. They slid open and we walked to ICU bed 11.

Dan was sitting up in the chair, his heart hugger around his chest, two chest tubes still securely in place.

Louis gently hugged Dan, then I followed suit. But when I hugged him, he wouldn’t let go. He started to weep.

“Oh Dan.” I lightly rubbed his back. He let go and lightly wiped his eyes.

“I’m sorry. They told me that after the heart surgery, I would be… more emotional. Prone to more crying.” He chuckled under his tears.

I smiled as Louis pulled me up a chair I sat by Dan and took his hand.

“You saved my life Brandi.” He looked me dead in the eye.

“No. No I didn’t.” I looked down sadly.

“Yes you did. You did everything you could. You were the first one to notice I was not acting right. You took initiative immediately. Dr. Scott said that the aspirin is what saved my life more than likely. Imagine that. Three tablets of aspirin saved my life. And you knew to do that. And you started CPR on me immediately. You saved my life. I am eternally grateful to you. You are…my angel.” He squeezed my hand.

“I am no angel. I assure you.”

“I second that.” Louis said finally. “But I agree. Brandi. I have never in my life seen anything like that. Real life is nothing like on television. I nearly died myself, having to hold Addy as she screamed and kicked trying to run and help you save ‘Papa Dan.’ Watching someone drop dead in front of you…then watching someone else bring them back. It was…amazing.”

“I was trained to do that. It’s not that awesome guys.” I sighed.

“You saved my life. I just want to thank you. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to see my grandchildren grow up. For letting me see you and Louis get married. For letting me see ‘Lil Louis’ make his big debut in the world.” He chuckled.

I snorted. “We are not calling him “Lil Louis.”

“I like ‘Lil Louis. It’s catchy. Has a nice ring to it.” Louis laughed.

“No. No. No ‘Lil Louis!” I groaned and wiped my tears.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Almost the end! I hope you are all enjoying this as much as I did writing it!

We arrived at the island late March. The twins had just celebrated their 4th birthday February 15th and I was huge. I had to get Doctor’s permission to even board the airplane at 37 weeks pregnant.

The little island was buzzing with caterers, flowers, tables, chairs, people everywhere.

There was boats coming and going in and off the island dropping off our family and friends. We were located only God knows where. I watched from my villa as Heather and Kala chased Addylee and Jayce along the water’s edge, their laughing music to my ears. I sighed and rubbed my belly. Lil’ Louis had been kicking my kidney for the last hour, making me extremely miserable.

I padded to the bathroom and turned on the bathtub, letting the hot water flow over my sore swollen feet.

“Brandi?” Louis called.

“In the bathroom.” I answered back.

He came in the bathroom and leaned lightly against the door rail. “You okay?”

“Mmhmm. Just sore. Feet hurt.” I smiled back at him reassuringly.

He walked over to the tub and knelt down beside me. “You’re beautiful.” He kissed me.

“Glad you think so. So you’ll shave my legs for me?” I laughed.

His blue eyes sparkled. “I suppose so.”

“Excellent.” I grinned handing him my razor.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I waddled down the aisle for the rehearsal. We made Heather be me for rehearsal. She was not happy about it. I stood by my minister, Georgia, as she rehearsed her speech and Heather fidgeted from side to side as to explain to everyone how uncomfortable she was with the situation. We all laughed as Georgia completed her speech and Heather took off, quickly grabbing Addylee as a diversion.

Everyone threw a fit when I tried to go to bed with Louis that night. Louis and Jayce were relocated to Harry’s villa and I had to spend the night alone with Addylee. Not that I minded. We had a girls night with each other. Pure and simple girl time.

Tomorrow evening…I would be Mrs. Tomlinson. Forever.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We woke that morning to beating on the door. Addylee stirred beside me and ran to open the door. It was my best friends from Texas; Julie, Jenna, Veronica, Brittany, and Jodee.

“Spa!” Julie yelled. Addylee laughed.

We quickly got dressed and headed into town. I was looking forward to my back massage. I had been having Braxton-Hicks contractions ever since we had landed, in my lower back, strange and sporadic but I was also 37 weeks so I ignored most of them.

I watched and laughed as Addylee got a mud facial. Her big blue eyes glittering as they told her it was mud, she laughed hard, tickled she was ‘playing in mud.’

I smiled to myself as I watched my girlfriends chatting wildly back and forth amongst themselves. I never wanted to forget this moment. I loved them. I loved them for being here with me. For sticking beside me for all the trouble I had put them through.

I was spun around in my chair as the hairstylist went to tackle my tresses for my wedding hair.

“Did you bring a picture of what you want?” Lou asked.

“Oh. No. Louis prefers it down and messy really. Like when I get out of the shower and it's crazy curly. That’s his favorite. I figured we could just mousse it and scrunch it real tight and then pin it up wild. Sex hair.” I laughed pointing to my belly.

“Always nice when you don’t have to worry about getting knocked up on your wedding night!” She winked at me.

“Very true.” I acknowledged. “If only I could see what was going on down there.” I snorted.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I stepped out in my dress and listened to Johanna and my mom sniffle. Our photographer, Cal, snapping pictures like crazy.

“You guys. Quit it.” I warned, touching the ivory silk and taffeta, looking at the strapless bodice, turning to see the back bow and twirl in the tea-length dress. The silver band created a flattering pregnant belly as if to say "here’s your present. Unwrap me."

“I’m sorry. I have just waited for this day for so long. So very long.” Johanna hugged me tight. “I’m finally getting you as my daughter.”

“I’ve always been your daughter. This just makes it official.” I laughed.

Heather and Kala came in with my babies. “Ohh! Mommy!” Addylee grinned. “You look pretty!”

I laughed. “So do you Addylee. And Jayce. You look so handsome.” I bent down to kiss both of them. Groaning as the photographer snapped away. I spun Jayce around and laughed. He was wearing his black tux his, his hair over-moussed.

“Who did your hair?” I laughed touching the crisp spikes.

“Unka Zayn!” He laughed,

“You don’t say.” I laughed.

“Can I get a picture of mom and her babies?” Cal asked. I stood up grudgingly and smiled and my babies grabbed my hand. They were the best babies every. So beautiful.

“Jayce and Addylee. Can you turn and kiss mommy on the tummy for me?” He asked. They obliged. I looked down and smiled. I loved them so much. I bit my lip as a sharp pain shot through my lower back.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Are you ready?” Harry asked.

“I think so.” I smiled at him. He looked amazing. His hair was out of the usual beanie and styled into a curly messy bun, and he was actually in a fitting black tux. Just for me.

“You look beautiful.” He lightly brushed the hair out of my face. We watched from the villa as the mass amounts of people took their seats near the water.

“Thank you. I could get use to hearing that.” I smiled at him.

“I just wanted to tell you…before you walk down this aisle. You don’t have to do this. You don’t have to marry him if you don’t want to.” Harry held my hand tight, kissing the back of it. I looked at him strangely.

“And if I don’t marry Louis. Just who exactly am I going to marry?” I asked, already knowing the answer.

“Me. You can always pick me. I’ve always loved you from afar. Always will.” Harry grinned and looked out the window.

“That would make Christmas awfully weird don’t you think?” I laughed.

“Probably.” Harry laughed with me.

“Thank you for walking me down the aisle. It means a lot to me.” I nudged him.

“I couldn’t let you walk down the aisle alone. Besides. This is the only time I will be walking down the aisle with you, so I better take the chance while I can.”

“Quit flirting with me on my wedding day to your best friend! Harry! It’s very unbecoming.” I scoffed.

“You like it.”

“It’s weird.” I shuddered.

“You want me.”

“Like I want a case of herpes, Harry.” I smiled, and kissed him on the cheek.

“All right guys! Let's get lined up!” The wedding coordinator snapped her fingers. I tucked my arm in Harry’s and we went to stand in position. I watched as everyone lined up giggling. Julie came up beside me and kissed my cheek and whispered ‘I love you’ before my bridesmaids started walking out to the Beatles “I Want to Hold Your Hand” as the 4-piece orchestra played.

I stood behind the curtain and tried to breath. I don’t know why I was nervous. I was nervous excited. And then the sharp pain went through my back again. Stupid Braxton-Hicks contractions. I looked over at Harry and smiled nervously. He laughed.

“It’s just Louis.”

“I know that.” I laughed.

I watched as the coordinator pushed Addylee, my flower girl, and Jayce, my ring bearer forward. Everyone “ooh’d and aww’d” as they pranced down the aisle. Addylee would stop and throw some flowers in the air then smile and wave at cameras. Jayce would turn around and look for her when she wasn’t beside him and he would turn to go back and get her. The audience would erupt in laughter which would egg Addylee on and she would provoke Jayce even more. Jayce finally tucked the pillow under his arm and grabbed Addy’s basket and threw the flowers himself down the aisle causing Addylee to stamp her feet down the aisle. Me and Harry laughed in the Villa as Addylee ran up to Louis and threw herself in his arms pouting. Louis laughed heartily and Johanna walked up and grabbed Addylee walking her back down to sit with her.

I stood in the door with Harry as the violin played the first few lines of Elvis' “Can’t Help Falling In Love.”

I watched as everyone stood up and turned towards me. I took a deep breath and took my first step forward.

_Wise men say, only fools rush in. But I can’t help falling in love with you._

I held on tight to Harry’s arm, my other hand grasping my crystal beaded white roses and calla lilies like they were going to jump from my hand at any moment. I stared ahead at him. Louis. He stared back, smiling.

_Shall I stay? Would it be a sin? I can’t help falling in love with you._

He was beautiful. I know. I say it a lot. But he was a sight to behold. I tried to break eye contact and look at all the people who had flown in to see us married. I looked around and smiled. My family. His family. My old coworkers. His crew. My friends. His friends. Everyone was here. I laughed to myself as we walked slower. Nan Edna waved hard to get my attention and wiped her eyes. I waved my bouquet and laughed with Harry.

_Like a river flows surely to the sea_

We stopped before Georgia our minister, and my mom came up to the left side of me, Harry on my right.

“Who give’s this woman away today in holy matrimony?” Georgia asked.

“We do.” My mom and Harry acknowledged. My mother kisses my cheek. I turn to Harry. He smiles at me and kisses my cheek, before taking my hand and placing it in Louis'. He then takes his place next to Louis as Louis’ best man, of course, next to Niall, Liam and Zayn.

Georgia carries on with her speech and I try to listen but I keep looking at Louis. He keeps looking at me. Georgia keeps clearing her throat. Everyone laughs.

He is beautiful. He’s mine.

_Darling so it goes, Some things, are meant to be_

“And now… for the Sand and Salt Covenant.” Georgia hands me a container of salt and Louis a container of sand. We each take a pinch of each others grains of salt and sand and they are mixed in a new container of mixed salt and sand.

“In the Lord’s eyes, salt and sand are the most purest elements on earth. As pure as love. The salt and sand covenant can never be broken until each grain of sand, and each grain of salt is returned to the owner. This means the marriage cannot not be dissolved in Lord’s eyes until each piece is returned.” Georgia takes the container of salt and sand and shakes the container several times, sealing the marriage covenant.

_Take my hand, take my whole life, too_

“Louis take the ring from Jayce and place it on Brandi’s hand and repeat after me.” Jayce raises his pillow to Louis and he lightly undoes the ring from the ribbon as it sparkles in the sunlight. He repeats his vowels and lightly places the ring on my finger, kissing my finger as it slides into its forever place. “I do.” He says proudly.

“Brandi, take the ring from Jayce and place it on Louis' finger and repeat after me.” I place the ring on his finger and repeat my vowels resting Louis’ hand on my stomach as Lil Louis goes to kicking like crazy. Louis’ eyes widen and he chuckles and he feels Lil Louis participate in the ceremony. “I do.” I say.

“You may now kiss your bride.” Sweet endless kisses. Laughter. Hoorays.

“Ladies and gentleman, may I introduce you to Mr. and Mrs. Louis William Tomlinson.”

_For I can't help falling in love with you_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“The first time I ever met Brandi was at work. I knew she was trouble too the moment I met her. But I loved her the moment I met her. She always makes me laugh. Always. She’s always in trouble, too. I haven’t figured that one out either. Seeing her happy today, and married, and pregnant again, makes me happy. And that’s all I could ask for. I love you Brandilew.” Julie wiped her eyes and raised her glass, handing her mic to Harry.

“I love you JuJu Bean.” I smiled and raised my glass of cranberry juice.

“So it’s my turn now?” Harry groaned in the mic. “Well...uhm what can I say? I love you two. And just because you are married does now mean I am moving out.” The room laughs. He clears his throat. “Seriously. I am happy for both of you. Seeing you two together finally, after so many years of seeing Louis suffering because he was an idiot, by the way, is the perfect ending. You two are perfect together, which is ridiculously sad. And I still think I could have made Brandi happier than you Louis. Just wanted to put it out there.” More laughing. I groaned. Everyone thinks Harry’s joking. Louis laughed. “I love you guys. And I love my new nephew on the way. I can’t wait to meet him.” He raised his glass and took a drink. Everyone followed suite.

“Now for the first dance.” Louis stood up and gently tugged my hand to the dance floor.

“Can I come too, Mommy?” Addylee asked.

“Let mommy and daddy dance for a few minutes then you can come okay baby?” I smiled at her. She nodded and sat back down.

_She's my kind of rain, Like love in a drunken sky  
She's confetti falling down all night_

I laughed as Louis spun me around and pulled me lightly to him. He gently nuzzled me to him and place one hand delicately and protectively on my stomach. I rested my head lightly against his cheek and sighed as Cal, our silly photographer, started snapping pictures again.

_She sits quietly there, like water in a jar  
Says baby why are you tremblin' like you are_

“I really don’t like your picture man.” I groaned. Another cramp flew across my back.

“He’s making our memories last.” Louis laughed and kissed my nose causing an eruption of “aww’s.”

_So I wait, And I try, I confess like a child_  
She's my kind of rain, Like love from a drunken sky  
Confetti falling down all night, She's my kind of rain  
She's the sunset's shadow. She's like Rembrandt’s light 

“Daddy! Dance with me!” Addylee pulled on Louis’ jacket. Louis laughed and bent down to pick up Addylee. He held her tight and kissed her cheek.

_She's the history that's made at night. She's my lost companion  
She's my dreamin' tree. Together in this brief eternity_

Jayce walked up casually beside me and grabbed my hand.

“Do you want to dance with me Mommy?”

“I would love to dance with you Jayce Cole.” I smiled and swayed with him.

_Summer days. Winter snow. She's all things to behold_  
So I wait. And I try. I confess all my crimes.  
She’s my kind of rain. 

The pain seared through my back and across my belly catching my breath. I bent forward and cursed under my breath.

“Mommy?” Jayce asked scared.

“Ahh…” I groaned grabbing on to Jayce’s shoulder. “Get Daddy.”

“Daddy!” Jayce yelled running. Louis’ head snapped from where he was and ran to my side.

“Brandi! What’s wrong?” I grabbed his hand, scrunching my face trying to look at his watch.

“Nothing. Just stand there. Keep time.” I leaned into his chest, trying to control my breathing.

“What’s going on?”

“Shh.. Be quiet. Quit making a scene.” I whispered and smiled to people walking by.

“What are you two huddling here for?” Harry came up to us casually.

“I have no idea.” Louis offered.

Another sharp pain. Five minutes on the dot. “Ahh….” I leaned into Louis’s shoulder and moaned.

“Oh Shit” Harry jumped back as my water broke on the floor around us. “Did you just pee on the floor?! You just fucking peed on the floor, Brandi!”

“Harry! You ignorant ass! Her water just broke!” Louis panicked.

“What? Just now? Right now? YOU’RE in labor right NOW?” Harry panicked back.

“Quit yelling at me!” I cried.

“How long have you been having contractions?” Louis asked.

“Since last night.” I answered waddling over to Johanna and my Mom.

“LAST NIGHT!” Louis and Harry yelled in unison.

“They only were regular until a few hours ago!” I snapped, trying to control my breathing.

“Mama! Mimi! My water just broke! I have to get on a boat. Now.” I said coolly.

Johanna screamed hysterically. My mother and Johanna went into nurse mode. Dan grabbed me under my arm.

“How far apart are the contractions?” Johanna asked. 

 

“Five min- ohhhhh….” I started to contract again grabbing the first thing near me.

Harry.

“Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.” Harry whined as I grabbed his arm.

“Brandi breathe. Through your nose, out through your mouth.” Johanna coached me. I shook my head no and latched on to Harry harder. He whined in pain. The contraction eased up and I let go of Harry. He breathed a sigh of relief and massaged his biceps.

Niall was getting the wedding coordinator to call the boats back to ferry us back to town to get me back to the hospital ASAP. Louis was panicking. Harry was panicking. I was in pain.

“The Doctor is in London! Not…here!” Louis griped as we loaded onto the boat. “We can’t have some random man deliver our baby!”

“Ahhh…..!” I cried out again and reached for my Harry again. He looked at me sadly and held out his hand preparing for the pain.

“Brandi, here, take my hand. Harry’s hands are very important to our future.” Louis offered.

“I don’t want YOUR hand. YOUR hands are what GOT me in this predicament! DON’T even look at me Louis Tomlinson!” I yelled. Louis looked at me wild eyed and scared.

“It’s okay Louis. She’s in labor. It will all end when the labor ends.” Johanna offered, patting Louis reassuringly.

“Harry! Harry! Make it stop.” I cried.

“Shh.. It’s okay. Stupid Louis.” Harry petted my hair, laughing at the irony of the situation.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“She’s 7cm dilated. She should be having this baby within the hour.” The doctor offered.

“The hour?” Louis paced.

“No! Out now! OUT NOW!” I whined. Harry held my hand.

“Are you sure? She’s…3 weeks early.” Louis said concerned.

“37 weeks is perfectly fine to deliver a baby. In fact, most women don’t make it to 40 weeks.”

“Brandi breathe, you have another contraction coming.” The nurse counted down with the monitor.

“Ahhh… I hate you!” I cried out grabbing the side rails on the bed. “I want your spawn out of me, you evil pretty bastard!”

Harry laughed and Louis sighed. I wouldn’t let him come anywhere near me. I didn’t even want to hear him talk. Harry was my focus spot.

“I want drugs! Now! I want everything!” I sobbed.

“It’s too late Brandi. You are already too dilated, and your already at -1 station. You can’t have a epidural now.”

I cried some more. Harry rubbed my back when realization hit in. This was all Harry’s fault. Every bit of this was Harry’s fault.

I rolled over to my side and cut my eyes at him.

“This is your fault.” I said.

Harry laughed. “How so?”

“You. You did this to me.”

Dead silence.

Harry looked around the room at the curious stares. “Eh…no I didn’t. Louis did this to you.”

“You are his best friend! You are suppose to be the one who teaches him about condoms! But you couldn’t even do that could you! And now look at me! All huge and pregnant and in labor with his baby! All because you couldn’t share a condom! This is all your fault, Harry Styles!” I smacked his arm for good measure.

Louis started laughing, followed by Johanna and Dan. Harry sat there stunned.

“You’re insane. You know that?”

“I want my Louis! I hate you!” I cried again. Louis relieved, finally came and sat on the bed beside me.

“I love you!” I sobbed. Louis laughed again, and kissed my forehead.

“I love you, too.”

“All right Brandi! Let’s push this baby out!” The doctor smiled.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Seven! EIGHT! NINE! TEN!” I panted and panted, trying to push this baby out. He was moving. Just not fast enough.

“Okay Brandi! Next push should do it! I see his head!”

I pushed with everything in me. I felt that my spinal cord was going to snap. I cried out as I felt his little head slide out. Then the shoulders, then his body, and legs.

Then a wail.

“It’s a boy!” The doctor held my son up before turning him down to suction his nose and mouth. Louis walked over and proudly cut the cord, the tears in his eyes, now rolling down his cheeks.

I laughed as Louis came back and kissed me over and over again on the face. Harry started to wipe his eyes, but I caught him and laughed.

“Leave me alone.” He rolled his eyes.

The nurse carried my son to me and gently laid the whimpering babe in my arms. Louis kissed me hard on the mouth and grinned as Harry took a picture.

“We have a son.” I smiled.

“Jaxon Tate Tomlinson.” Louis announced.

I started to feel heavy chested and dizzy. I handed Jaxon to Louis and started to feel faint.

“Brandi! What’s wrong?!” Louis asked. “Nurse!”

“I can’t breathe!” I gasped. “Can’t…breathe.”

Then everything went black.

Black.


	24. Chapter 24

I watched as the nurses and the doctors came running in.

_I watched._

I stood in the doorway and watched as the code button was hit on the wall, and the nurse threw the bed flat, my lifeless body limp in the bed.

_I watched._

The orderlies grab Louis as he thrashes trying to get answers. The doctor yells and Harry pulls Louis into the hallway. Louis sobs into Harry’s shoulder, screaming, demanding answers.

_I watched._

“No! No!” Louis pounds his fist into the tile. “What’s going on Harry? What happened!”

“I don’t know Louis. I don’t know. She’s going to be okay. She has to be okay.” His eyes watered over.

I walked over to them, my feet hitting the cold tile, making an exaggerated slapping noise only I can hear. Louis leans his head against the cool glass and whimpers lightly.

“I just got her back. I can’t lose her. I love her. I love her so much. And our babies. Oh god…our babies.” He slid down the wall. I fell to my knees beside him and ran my hands over him. He never feels it. He cries. I cry. I place light kisses on his face.

_Louis. Louis, please. I love you. I love you, so much._

“Brandi?”

I look over to my side.

“Nanny?” This is impossible. My grandmother’s been gone for years. But she is standing right in front of me. Reaching out for me. I stand up and run into her arms. “Nanny!” I cry as she holds me tightly.

“My sweet girl. I’ve missed you.”

“Oh, Nanny, I have missed you! Why are you here?” I asked.

She smiled gently. “I’ve been watching over you, Jayce and Addylee, and now Jaxon.”

“Am I dead?” I ask scared.

“No baby. It’s not your time. You have so much life ahead of you. So much happiness. Your heart is just a little tired right now. But the doctors are going to make it all better.” I smiled. I loved how she talked to me like a little girl. She pushed my stray curls off my face.

She grabbed my hand and I followed her as we walked to the waiting room. My mother was sitting with Louis in a corner listening to the doctor explain I had thrown a blood clot in my uterus. The clot had broke off and went to my heart, then to my lung. He explained “They were doing everything they could.” before walking off. Johanna started to shake. Dan held her tight, before her sobs filled the waiting room.

“We just went through this with you! I can’t…I can’t do it again. I just can’t.” Johanna cried into her hands as Dan rubbed circles on her back.

I squeezed my Nanny’s hand. “They are all so sad.”

“You are very loved. That’s why you have to stay down here a while longer.”

_I watched._

A nurse in pink scrubs came up to Louis and lightly cleared her throat. “Mr. Tomlinson?”

He looked up through grief stricken eyes. “Yes?”

“I’m sorry to disturb you, but if you would like to follow me to the nursery, your son is ready for his first feeding.” She smiled politely.

Louis looked down and pinched the bridge of his nose.

His son. He stood up and swayed a little.

“Louis, I can go if you want.” Harry offered a steady hand.

Louis smiled. “No, it’s okay. I can do this. I will be back.”

I followed.

He followed the nurse to the nursery and was instructed to wash his hands. He walked amongst the cribs and beamed down when he got to the last bed.

Boy Tomlinson: 8lbs 2oz.

“You can pick him up. He’s yours now.” The nurse smiled.

“I don’t know how. He’s my first.” He looked down smiling at the sleeping baby.

“Your wife’s chart said that she had twins before him?”

“I wasn’t there.” He said sadly.

“Oh.” She says. “Here, mimic my hands. Place your hand behind his head like this. Good. And place your other hand behind his body like this. Great!” She smiled, encouraging him. “Now lift him easy, try not to wake him.”

Louis gently picked up Jaxon and brought him to his chest holding him out to look at him.

“What’s his name?” The kind nurse asked.

“Jaxon.”

“Cute name.”

Louis laughed. “I hated it, at first. But my wife kept calling her stomach, “action Jaxon“ because he kicked her liver all the time. And eventually, I did too. It just stuck.”

I laughed.

She guided him into a dimly lit room with soft music playing and a rocking chair in the corner. He sat carefully, but Jaxon’s eyes stirred open.

“Hey baby.” Louis cooed, gently stroking the younger Tomlinson’s cheek. Jaxon turned his cheek towards his daddy’s finger.

“That means he’s hungry!” The nurse shook the bottle. She handed Louis the bottle, who struggled to keep the bottle in Jaxon’s mouth. Jaxon would push the bottle out with his tongue.

“I don’t think he is hungry.” Louis looked up.

“You have to push the bottle against his tongue. Show him it’s time to eat.” She gently stroked Jaxon’s chin and he opened his mouth again. She pushed the bottle against his tongue, and he greedily lapped it up.

“See? Starving. I will be back in a few minutes. Holler if you need me.” She walked out.

He looked down and made eye contact with Jaxon.

“Jaxon. I am so sorry. Your Mummy should be here with you right now. But she is sick. So sick. And the doctors are doing everything they can to take care of her. So just as soon as you can see her, I will take you to her. I promise. Until then, it just you and me okay?” He smiled down to the wide-eyed baby boy.

“Your big sister is going to take you everywhere. Her name is Addylee. She wanted you to be a little boy. She wanted to stay the only girl. Good thing too. I don’t think I could have handled another girl.” He chuckled.

“Jayce is your big brother. He will always be there for you. He is always there for your Mummy, Addy, and your Uncle Harry. And he is smart, So, so smart. He will be an excellent guitar player someday. You might be in his band if you play your cards right. With all that kicking you do, drumming maybe you gig, kid.”

“Your Mum is amazing. She’s beautiful and talented. She makes pretty babies. She never puts herself first. She will always make sure you are taken care of. She’s my world. I love her. You, Jayce and Addylee. Are my world.” A tear rolled down his cheek. “Please let her be okay. God, please.” Louis pleaded.

“Brandi?”

I wiped the tears from my cheeks. “Mmhmm?”

“Baby, its almost time.”

“Time for what Nanny?”

“You have to go back now.”

“Nanny, I’m scared. I don’t think I can ever make him as happy as he makes me.”

“Then you are still that foolish little girl at heart.” She smiled.

“I’ll love him forever.”

“He will love you forever.”

I held on to her tight. But my grip was fading.

“Nanny! What’s going on?”

“It’s okay baby girl. Look at the light. Head back towards the light. He will be waiting for you at the light.”

.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:

 

“When you wean a patient off Diprovan it can take them 5 minutes or it can take them an hour to fully wake up. Everyone is different. She came off the ventilator beautifully and breathing on her own.” The doctor acknowledged the family’s concerns.

“And the Diprovan was turned off how long ago?”

“Exactly 5 minutes ago.” The doctor chuckled. “She is doing wonderfully. I understand your concerns. But her heart is right where it should be. Her lungs sustained some minor damage from the clot, but that’s why we put her on the ventilator so they could heal. She is doing fine. We wouldn’t have kept her on a ventilator for a couple weeks if we didn’t think she could handle it.”

Weeks? Had I heard right? My eyes remained closed.

“I just want her back. My children miss her. I miss her. I want her home.”

“Even when she wakes up, I cannot release her to fly home. I could release her to go by car, or ship, but not by airplane. The cabin pressure would be to much right now.”

My baby? Where is my baby? Why won’t my eyes open? I tried to speak. Nothing came out. Stupid Diprovan.

I felt the doctor pinch my toes “Ow!” Stupid bastard. That hurt!

“Did you hear that?” Louis was at my side.

“I did.” The doctor chuckled.

They heard me! I screamed. Do it again!

“She’s coming around. Give her a little bit of time.”

“Brandi. It’s Louis! Baby! Wake up. Please wake up.” I felt him kiss my hand. Of course it’s you Louis. Only you could smell that good.

I tried with everything in me. My eyes lazily fluttered open. My vision was blurry. Hazy. I closed them again.

“No. Brandi! Open them back up. Look at me baby. I’m right here. I am right beside you.”

I tried again. I struggled more this time. But my eyes popped open. I couldn’t see anything.

“Lou-” I squeaked out. But he was already pressing his lips to mine. My cheeks were wet. I wasn’t crying. He was.

“I missed you.” He whispered against my lips.

“You too.” I said roughly. My throat sore. “I’m blind?”

He chuckled. “No. Your contacts had to be thrown away. I’ll get your glasses.” He leaped off the bed and I heard a bag unzip.

“Mrs. Tomlinson?” The doctor asked. Mrs. Tomlinson? Oh. OH! That’s right.

The doctor explained to me in detail what happened bit for bit. I listened half heartedly. I already knew. I was there when it happened. I watched.

He left and I had an hour with just me and Louis.

I couldn’t move my legs at all. The Diprovan had not warn off past my waist. But I could move my arms and I was in desperate need to brush my teeth.

“I’ll brush your teeth.” Louis offered.

“No. I can brush my teeth.” I laughed hoarsely as he handed me a pink basin and my tooth brush, and I eagerly got to brushing. “Tell me about Jaxon.”

He smiled and flipped open his phone. “He is your mini-me.”

I laughed. “Finally!”

He showed me picture after picture in his phone. I brushed and laughed. I oohh’d and aww’d.

“He is very mild mannered, never gets upset, loves to stay up at night, and sleep during the day. He eats and eats. Loves it when Jayce sings to him, he will fall right to sleep. He lets Addylee dress him up, and take him around in the stroller. Harry thinks Jaxon is his personal chick magnet so I have had to set a curfew on Jax at the age of 2 weeks. It’s tough being Jaxon on this lonely island.” Louis laughed closing the phone.

“Oh, poor baby has it so rough.” I smiled sadly.

“We were not prepared at all for him. The pediatrician released him 2 days after he was born. I had no clothes, diapers, car seat, food. Anything. I lucked out though. Our whole entire family being here? Couldn’t have asked for anything better. They all stepped up to the plate and were there for me in every way. Harry was amazing. He really was. I have never seen him so…responsible. He took Jayce and Addylee and just did everything he could to distract them. My mom helped me with Jaxon. I was terrified. I was a nervous wreck. And in the back of my mind, I kept thinking, I can do this. You did this. You did this with Jayce and Addylee. I can do this with Jaxon. So I eventually kicked her out, and had to prove to myself I could do it. But when it came to buying formula…I was defeated. I called her back. She laughed at me in the middle of the store for a good 15 minutes.” He smiled.

I was touched. He had tried. “You’re a good Dad.”

“Nah. We just make good kids.”

“True.”

.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.

Two days later, I was released and on my way back to the villa. I felt amazing. I was excited. I missed Jayce and Addylee with every beat of my heart. But I was missing Jaxon, too.

ICU had strict rules: NO one under 12 may enter.

I had not seen my children in a week. I had not seen my child but once.

Harry had Jayce and Addylee at his villa, he had not told the twins I was coming home yet, that way I could have some alone time with Jaxon. I stepped out of the car, and Louis held my hand tight. He led me into the entry way and Johanna was standing there holding my sleeping baby. I quickly dropped Louis’ hand and rushed to her. I picked Jaxon out of her arms and held him tight to my chest.

I took in everything about him. His size, smell, breath, weight. His whimper.

His little eyes fluttered open and he looked at me.

I sat down on the couch; Louis sat next to me.

“Jaxon…” I whispered, running my finger along his cheek. He stared at me, before a large smile spread across his face. “my sweet baby boy.”

 

.:.:.:.:.:.:..10 Years later:.::.:.:.:.:

 

“You did what?!” I yelled.

 

“Mom! Quit yelling!” Jayce winced and plugged his ear.

“Jayce! I don’t think you quite understand that what you did is ILLEGAL.”

“Everyone else has one.” He flicked the tongue stud at me.

“I am going to kill you.” I groaned.

“Now, mom. That’s illegal!” He laughed, hopping onto my bathroom counter top.

“It’s illegal taking your father’s driver’s license and using it to get a piercing!” I groaned as I cleaned the mirror.

“Are you mad?” He flashed those eyes at me.

I looked at him. “Jayce. Your blonde hair, is now black. You now have a piercing in your eye brow, tongue, and both ears, next thing I know you will have a giant star on your arm like Harry. Tattoos all over like Zayn. Wait. Are you nipples pierced?”

“No Mom.” He rolled his eyes.

“Why do you want to look like everyone else so bad?” I asked.

“Cause it’s cool.” He shrugged his shoulders.

“You use to want to look like Harry.” I rubbed my temples.

“I’m too cool to be a hipster.” He threw up some random signs, hopping off the counter top.

“Gotcha. Just know you are grounded for the rest of your life. And then some.”

“I love ya Mama.” He said kissing me on the cheek.

“I love you, too. Do not pierce anything else without talking to me or Daddy. And absolutely NO TATTOOS.” I yelled as he left the bathroom.

I walked back into the master bedroom and picked up the dirty clothes and headed downstairs. I was thrilled we were home. Home. Home being Texas for the school year. Louis had built us an amazing house after the last set of twins came. Yes. The last set. First we had Jayce and Addylee who are now 15 years old. A few years later we were blessed with Jaxon , now 12, then after much trying, we couldn’t get pregnant. So we tried and tried. Finally, we went to the doctor, and found out my little stint in the hospital had been traumatic on my uterus and I was going to need a little push with in vitro to get pregnant. Louis and I wanted a big family, so we tried. Two failed rounds, the third finally took, next thing I know, I am pregnant with twins.

Again.

Welcome, Bree and Kennedy, who are 8 years old.

I threw the clothes in the washer and walked into the kitchen where the two identical blondes Bree and Kennedy who look just like their Aunt Lottie, where smearing sun screen on each other.

“Girls?”

“Yes?”

“I need your dirty clothes before you go swimming.”

“Mama?! Now! I am fixing to get in the pool!” Bree whined.

“Why do you always wait till the most inopportune moment to ask mama?” Kennedy took over, using her big word for the day.

I held up my hands and laughed. “I’m sorry! That lotion won’t be effective for 30 minutes anyways. Go upstairs. Laundry. Now.”

A few hmphs later and they took off. I walked out the back door and on to the back porch heading down the stairs to the pool area where Harry and Louis were in an intense discussion over the pool pump.

“Louis, I am telling you. You need to call someone about this. It’s suppose to go “purrrrr” nor “burrrrrr.” Harry insisted.

“Your insane. I already had the pool guy out here. It’s suppose to go “burrrr” not “purrrr” Besides. You know nothing about pools. I paid that man good money. It’s working fine. Tell him Jax.” Louis wiped the sweat from his brow.

Jaxon leaned over the pool pump and looked at Harry. “I think we need to call the pool man.”

Louis gasped. “Traitor.”

“Dad. I think you beat it to the point it’s going to have to be replaced. It’s not suppose to go clack-clack-clack. You broke it.”

“You're grounded.” Louis huffed..

Jaxon laughed. “No I’m not.”

Louis groaned. “Yes. Grounded indefinitely. For siding with the enemy.”

I laughed and headed to the other side of the pool where Addylee was lounging working on her tan.

“Hey Addy.” I laid down on the lounge chair beside her.

“Hey Mama.” She closed her magazine and raised her sunglasses to look at me. “Did you see Jayce’s tongue?”

I sighed. “Yes. I cannot believe he did that. I am fine with the piercing. It’s the taking the driver’s license that bother’s me.”

“At least he came and told you. He felt guilty enough to come and tell you. He’s a mama’s boy.”

I laughed. “Yea he is.”

“Are you going to tell Dad?”

“Nope. I am sure your Dad will see it soon enough.”

“Dad’s not going to care. He hasn’t cared about the last piercing.”

I looked over at her. “True. But he can’t steal driver’s licenses. He won’t like it when you get a car before him.” I smiled evilly.

“Oh? Oh…no. Jayce will definitely not like that at all.” Addylee laughed.

“What are you two discussing?” Louis plopped down on my chair.

“How you broke my pool.”

“I didn’t break the pool.” Louis countered.

“Yes you did Daddy.” Jaxon offered.

“Jax- not now buddy.” Louis held his hands up in defense.

“Louis…stick to singing. We will hire the professionals to do the manly work.” I laughed patting him on the back.

“Cute. Real Cute.” He pushed he Ray Bans down and eyeballed me. 

“Daddy?! Come get in with us?” Bree stood in front of Louis posing with her goggles and snorkel on her head. Louis laughed and hopped up pulling his shirt over his head throwing it at Jaxon the traitor.

“Sissy? Will you pull my hair up please?” Kennedy held out a band to Addylee, who obligingly pulled her hair up messily. “Come swim with me?” She asked sweetly. Addylee nodded.

“Wait for me!” Jaxon cannon balled into the pool.

Jayce came strolling casually out of the house and sat down in front of me.

“You don’t want to swim?” I asked.

“Nah. I am to cool to swim.” He chuckled.

I wrapped my arms around his stomach and squeezed him tight. He whimpered at my touch.

“Oh No. Jayce! You didn’t!” I pulled back.

He cowered forward.

“Show me.” I pointed to his shirt. He shook his head no. “Show me Jayce. Now.”

He pulled his shirt up.

A perfect 5-point star tattoo on his hip.


End file.
